dying on the inside

i was tired
tired
of feeding myself
the pasts,
of struggling
to become myself

i was tired of
breaking apart
so gently, without noise
even the mirror
couldn’t tell
i was dying inside.

—  Ijeoma Umebinyuo, i was tired, tired of it all

anonymous asked:

I feel like I'm dying inside and that I need to end the suffering. I just needed to tell someone because I'm really struggling right now and have no one to talk to. I'm so alone and it hurts. I'm sorry for bothering you...

Please don’t quit now, anon. You can get through this. You’ve made it this far that’s worth something. Trust me, pain is temporary but taking your own life is not. You’re worth more than that. We’ve all been there, you’re not alone in this. Why don’t you come off anon and we can talk, okay? 

Or if you don’t want to talk to me these people can help

1 (800) 273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or if you don’t want to talk on the phone you can text them at 838255

Fed up, tired, depressed, needs love...

You want to know what fucking sucks. Being 15 and never been kissed in this generation. Like wtf am I ugly? Am I fat? What am I? Why won’t any guys ask me out in person? Why am I always alone? Why the fuck am I always fighting for someone who doesn’t even like me back? I just want to love someone, to care of them. To hold their hand and tell them that it’s okay. I want to be there for someone. I want a boy I can run to when I’m sad and scared… I can’t do this anymore. I just want to, for once have my crush like me back, for a young age I learned this world it shit. You can’t always get what you want. Even if your dying inside.

anonymous asked:

i have bad anxiety when it comes to applying for jobs in person and having interviews, but i really need a part-time job right now.. if you have any tips that work for you, that would be great!!

oh man to be brutally honest when i first started i had like no sense of self or what a job was like and i was super passive like i could be thrown around to do whatever the fuck cause i just had no clue and i was dying on the inside all day

my interview was beyond terrible but i got the job bc of a good reference

honestly tho if i had to go back id probs tell myself/u stuff like

  • expand when answering questions in an interview, like dont go on forever but give more than just a few words
  • if they ask you anything about some sort of work procedure u would do in x situation make sure u say youd follow protocol and try to sort things urself before calling a manager
  • try to stay confident, its hard and takes work but you feel better and look better doing it
  • when it comes to actual work ALWAYS find things to do, dont just mope around. give urself work. the people that get fired are the ones with no initiative 
  • know your limits. its tough starting work when you have anxiety like theres no sugarcoating it its awful but my god do u feel so much better when you slowly start stepping up to the plate. like i still have brutal anxiety but im outta the ballpark compared to how i was before i started working. take baby steps and ask for help if ur not comfortable with things but try to be independent at times
  • try to show youre willing to learn and grow. like nobody wanted me there when i started working cause i couldnt bring myself to DO anything but now im one of the most valued people on the team and im one of the go-to ppl for a lot of stuff
  • make sure when you go to work youre ready to step out of your box cause nothing will be perfect. theres a lot of things my job involves that i wasnt ready for but when u open up to it it helps in a lot of ways

also if you have a hard time applying for jobs i would try applying online for most things. most jobs do that anyway but itll save u a bit lmao

idk hope this was remotely useful or what u were hoping for ?

anonymous asked:

Secret: My friend said she got a bf and when I asked her who, she showed me a picture of my crush. I was automatically heartbroken, and even though I smiled, I was dying on the inside.

oh i’m so sorry, only think i can think is too suppress your feelings

obmafia-hp asked:

((Hey guess what. You are so cute and that anon can fuck off lmao. But seriously you are so cute I'm slowly dying inside because I CANT BELIEVE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON SUCH AS YOU TALKS TO ME))

((the real question is..

why are yoU TALKING TO ME???))

A few days ago when I was in the U.S. we stopped by Barnes and Noble and I freaked out because you could get so many more sci-fi and fantasy books there than were I lived so before I knew it I was at the checkout with a Japanese polictical dystopian horror novel, an Assassin’s Creed novelisation, and a Star Wars EU book.

It was only as I got there that I realised I was wearing a Star Wars shirt with a cutely reinvented Death Star plastered across my chest and a chibi Han and Leia cuddling before it as though it were the moon.

The guy wordlessly did all the stuff he needed to do and then suddenly he lit up and said:

“There’s a book festival coming up! There’s going to be reduced prices on everything from fantasy to Star Wars,” - points at the book, grins - “Cosplay is encouraged, and…” He continued for a while, very happily.

And I smiled back at him while dying inside because I knew at the end of his enthusiastic monologue I was going to have to tell him I was leaving the next day and awk. ward.

Also a random guy speed-walked past me in Walmart, slowed for a millisecond and called, “I love your shirt!”

But that made me grin like an idiot, like the Barnes and Noble incident did, after a while. A very pleased, geeky, finally-among-her-own idiot.

2

This is fantastic me. My ma and I went to Biglots to look at beds and I was sitting in the comfy chairs. In these photos there was a full body mirror infront of myself and I really really saw who I was from the outside for the first time. It shocked the hell out of me. I had given up on losing weight months ago due to over-anxiety and fear of progression. I weighed myself when I got home and realized I had gained 50lbs in 3 months, up to 360lbs total. I take really pretty selfies you guys. I think so anyways. My neck is extended, my smile full on. But in these photos I am dying on the inside. I saw myself and asked for my photo to be taken, i didnt care who else was around. These photos are now my wallpapers…I cant get out of the body I have, so I need to save it. My struggles are real and go beyond binge eating. Beyond my tendencies and laziness. Beyond my fat jokes and need to cover up. Beyond paying for a gym membership and giving up because it was a battle of will every fucking day to get over my anxiety. I go beyond dropping out of high school because I couldnt concentrate on my work, and rather be a lazy asshole. I go beyond not showering everyday because I cant stand to see or feel my own body. Im so fucking done hating the person I chose to be. I love being happy and helpful. I love enjoying what i see in the mirror. But this picture shows a million words that i cannot surely type into a novel. I hate myself but I will try again, until I make it. I may stumble again, and I may introduce myself again, but if I am self aware, I will try.