It is bad that I’m jealous of people who get high ? Is it bad that I don’t want to clean up because I don’t think it’s fair other people get high and I’m sober ? Why don’t I want a normal life, why is this rush what I live for, this lifestyle. Why am I so jealous that I have to clean up ? This is why I never stick to it. This is why I relapse because I am jealous of the high life and I always will be.

I don’t wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence;
the quiet scares me ‘cause it screams the truth.
Please don’t tell me that we had that conversation;
I won’t remember, save your breath, ‘cause what’s the use?

Ah-ah, the night is calling.
And it whispers to me softly ”come and play”.
Ah-ah, I am falling.
And If I let myself go I’m the only one to blame.

I’m safe,
Up high,
Nothing can touch me.
But why do I feel this party’s over?
No pain,
You’re my protection.
How do I feel this good, sober?

I’m coming down, coming down, coming down,
spinning ‘round, spinning ‘round, spinning ‘round.
I’m looking for myself - sober.

When it’s good, then it’s good, it’s so good until it goes bad.
‘Til you’re trying to find the you that you once had.
I have heard myself cry, never again.
Broken down in agony just tryna find a friend.

Hi! This seemed the only logical option after yet another cold turkey heroin withdrawal attempt had me awake until 11:30am after which I only slept til 3pm and woke up to a text from an old high school friend asking if I could get him a half gram of some tar…..why OF COURSE I can and I am just so selfless and caring that I will even take a chunk out and try it for you when I get home!!!
Hahaha feels so amazing to temporarily not be sick but I know I just negated all the suffering & sickness I went thru last night by getting high today….
Ohhhh the life of a drug addict is strange at best