my friend who identifies as a lesbian has relationships and attraction to trans men and nonbinary people. I'm not looking to identify for her, but it does get me kinda irritated that she holds that label while not being solely attracted to her same gender. I brought it up, and she even said that lesbians aren't monosexual. Should I just leave her identity alone?
Yes. Her identity is hers. It’s not yours to judge.
I have to say, I used to take these things personally once, like when people experienced attraction to people of more than one gender and identified as anything other than bisexual, that kinda drove me crazy because I felt that by doing that they insinuated that there was something wrong with bisexuality and that it was not a valid identity (especially in my local community where I’ve pretty much founded the bi community, rejection of the bi label felt very personal to me because I’d written and done so much about it). Over time, I learned to let it go. It’s not about bisexuality, and it’s not about me as a bi person or activist - it’s about them and how they feel about it. If someone feels uncomfortable to identify as bi, then that’s theirs, it’s their choice, they have their reasons, which are probably really good reasons. I also think it’s important to remember that out of all people who experience attraction to more than one gender, people who identify as bi or even pan are the minority. Most of them identify as straight, and then more of them identify as gay/lesbian. So this in mind, we shouldn’t be surprised when we meet these people. We should remember that it’s their identity, it’s how they view themselves, and that they have the right to decide which word best describes that. If they don’t identify as bisexual, then they are not bisexual, end of story. And so unless they say things that are specifically biphobic, there’s really nothing to fuss over. In an ideal world, more people would feel comfortable identifying as bi. It’s not an ideal world, and identity policing helps nothing and no one.