I can’t help but worry that our children will grow up to resent us for using a sperm donor. I don’t want my children to grow up feeling lost, lonely and like something is missing in their life. My wife and I used a known donor but we don’t know him if that makes sense. All he told us is the basics, his first name(if thats his real name?) His eye colour, hair colour, and height and blood type. We know he’s jewish and is a practicing jew. We also know he lives in London and works at University. He said he has a wife and 3 daughters that he fathers. He’s agree to not be part of the childrens upbringing and not be in the picture. Under Uk law he is not the father, he is the sperm donor and he has no legal rights to the children. We aren’t worried about that though. We know that he has donated to other couples although Im not sure how many that is or how many children were conceived. He does however have a facebook page for all the receipients that he donated to.
So its a good way to see who he donated to and their children (our childrens half siblings!) Shell is skepitcal about joining it, I want to, I want to keep in touch with these parents so maybe we have meet ups and our children can meet. I watched the video about donor children wanting to meet their siblings and how much they needed it and felt wonderful when they did meet up with their siblings. I don’t want to stop or get in the way of our children meeting their half siblings that are out there. Shell isn’t sure about it, but in all honestly she should put her feelings aside and let the children decide if they want to do the meet ups. I personally think its in their best interest to allow them.
I don’t want to make our children feel that having two moms wasnt good enough and that they didnt think of us both as their parents and not just the bio mom. See shell carried our daughter Dekayla and I carried our son Lennon and if we have more ill carry them to, we used the same donor so our children and future children are half siblings.It was important to us that our children be biologically related through the donor.
I am a little concerned though because I been reading a lot of post on tumblr of children conceived via sperm donor and they are all angry and feel like there is a void in their life. They don’t resent their mothers but they feel lost and lonely and like something is missing even if they grew up with two parents. They have the need to find their sperm donor who they refer to as dad or father.
They seem to be upset, mad and unhappy about being a donor conceived child. They feel like they need their father in their life, that they don’t know who they are and they need to find him to put the pieces together. I am worried that our children will feel that way, that they need their donor-father in their life and Im scared that I wont be enough for my non-biological daughter and that she wont think of me as a parent/mum. I just cant shake off all those post of children feeling lost and wanting their father. Also how they hate fathers day and how much it effects them.
We love our children very much and we will allow them to contact their donor and help them find their half siblings. We will be honest and open from the begining and maybe some of those children wasn’t told about being conceived via sperm donor and they found out by accident or maybe their parents lied to them about it and they found out.their dad isn’t their biological dad. There are so many factors to consider in why some of those children are so mad and feel the way they do. I know its natural to want to find your family and we wont stop our children, its the same for children who was adopted. They need to find their biological parents and siblings.
They still love their parents who raised them and their not trying to replace them but they have a need to find out who they are, where they come from. I would think its the same for children donor conceived. I am just so worried now after reading all the negativity post from children donor conceived. But who knows maybe our children won’t feel that way because they will be told from a young age they are donor conceived and we will talk about it like its no big secret or big deal and let them know they can find their donor and or siblings and we will help them. Maybe them knowing that we will be there for them wont make them so angry. Time will only tell I guess.
*Note: Not just lesbians/single women use sperm donors, straight couples use them to.