Yoooo. Totally didn’t know how to end this so I took the corny route.
For a precaution, if you’re not comfortable with the concept of abortion, you probably shouldn’t read this. Also, let’s pretend abortion is legal in South Korea on request for the sake of this scenario.
Word count: ~2000
Shit, this is not happening, she thought to herself, staring down at the little plus sign. It was a last precaution, and she never thought it would ring true. After some much needed ranting via phone to her best friend about her late period and recent morning sickness, said friend showed up on her doorstep with a bag of pregnancy tests and an interrogation scheme.
“When was the last time you and Kyungsoo, you know, had sex?” Iseul began her questioning, sitting at the island seat across from the bewildered girl.
“Uh, a couple weeks ago? There’s no possible way I’m pregnant, though. We used a condom.”
“Shit happens. Still, you should probably take a test or two, just to make sure.” And sure enough, the third test mimicked the first and second. This couldn’t be happening now, not with both her’s and Kyungsoo’s careers in full swing. Not to mention that her boyfriend was an idol, and their relationship wasn’t known to most people outside of family and friends, and a couple of the higher-ups in his company.
She ran her hands through her hair, attempting to wipe away the sorrow she couldn’t help but feel for herself. One thought rang through her mind like a pendulum; How was Kyungsoo going to take this?
She paced back and forth throughout her empty apartment, contemplating her options. Much to the disapproval of her friend, she had opted out of letting Kyungsoo know for three weeks now. A hand pressed to her stomach reminded her that she wasn’t completely alone any longer. There was still a child, albeit minimally functioning, developing inside of her. She had to make a decision soon, at six weeks. Either she could tell Kyungsoo of their detrimental mistake, or deal with the issue herself.
Now she had an inkling of how Kyungsoo felt about parenthood. Over dinner, she had subtly questioned him on the topic; how many kids he dreamed of having when he was younger and the like. The questions didn’t come to a surprise to him, since she was always one to think of odd inquisitions to throw at him when she was bored and curious.
“I never really thought of having kids,” he said, picking through edamame as if the question itself had triggered a loss of appetite. Finally, he grasped a pod in his chopsticks, analyzing it thoroughly before placing it into his mouth.
“What about now?” She said, causing him to choke on the vegetable.
“What?” He stammered out between coughs, eyes finally locking on her’s in his signature owl stare.
“I just meant, do you think about having kids now?” She breathed out, looking down at her own plate nervously.
“No,” he said simply, recovering from his coughing fit. “Too young. Too busy with EXO and trying to schedule dates with you where I seem to choke on everything.” Panic began to set in. Too young. That’s exactly what she thought. His unknowing confirmation of their shared opinion was enough was enough to finalize her decision.
She sat in the office, recalling the days of her youth when she shied away from situations similar to this one. Waiting for her name to be called, she clutched her hand bag between her legs, hoping that by constricting her body, her violent shaking would stop. She had made the call a week ago. Seven weeks. The thought filled her very being with uneasiness. The doctor made the plan easy enough on her. She would sit in this very office two weeks from now, and rid her body before Kyungsoo even found out.
The only person she told about the abortion was the only person she told about the pregnancy. While her friend thoroughly disagreed with her decision, she supported her nonetheless.
“What movie do you want to see?” Iseul asked, taking the popcorn from the young girl behind the concession counter as __ handed her card in payment.
“Are there any good horror movies out?” The youngest of the three women asked, tousling her hair playfully at her unnies.
“I don’t think so,” Iseul saved, noticing the look of discomfort contorted onto her best friend’s face.
The youngest turned to her then, asking, “What do you think we should see, __?”
She chuckled, ready to give her opinion on the matter. “I hear-” but the pain washed over her like a flash of lightning, and she never finished her statement. In the pit of her stomach, a fire erupted, engulfing her senses with white pain. Grabbing onto everything, anything she could, she finally let go.
The two other girls dropped everything, setting the concessions onto the counter in order to aid their friend. The youngest was bewildered. What had just happened? But Iseul had a clue. She beckoned the confused girl behind the counter to call an ambulance.
Kyungsoo watched the name light up his phone’s screen out of the corner of his eye. “Jongin,” he motioned for the younger male to take the plate he had been washing. Iseul has never gone out of her way to contact him before, and he felt uneasy, thoughts immediately travelling to his girlfriend. She had been acting weird as of late; missing his calls and text messages, only to apologize profusely at a later time. He figured she was just stressed from a promotion at work, undergoing longer shifts to meet pushed deadlines.
He dried his hands swiftly, sliding the lock on his phone and pressing it into his ear. He could have dropped the small communication device in his hand, almost did. Iseul was vague; she didn’t tell him nearly enough information about his girlfriend for his liking. Leaving out the important bits, Kyungsoo felt entirely left in the dark. “Which hospital is she at?”
He arrived in record time, Jongin trailing behind him like a puppy. He offered to go as soon as Kyungsoo had gotten off the phone and scrambled for a couple meager belongings to take with him. Initially, the singer had refused. To some begging and insisting, he allowed the younger male to accompany him. In truth, Jongin knew how Kyungsoo overreacted from time to time when it came to his girlfriend. One time, she called him while she was merely congested from allergies, and he had practically bought out a pharmacy and appeared on her doorstep. Today was no exception. The singer had paused at the hospital’s gift shop, picking out the prettiest flowers he could find from the arrangements and purchasing them without thinking. The dancer shook his head with a small smile creeping onto his face. He found his friend’s thoughtfulness endearing.
The doctor finished explaining to Kyungsoo about what had occurred earlier that day. He sat, completely disheartened by the explanation. Iseul leaned on a counter in the hospital room quietly, not wanting to disturb the man’s thoughts, but also feeling like she shouldn’t leave him alone with her sleeping friend just yet. She watched his face go from shocked, to confused, to angry, and finally to sad. He slumped on the plush chair situated next to the bed, exhaling forcefully. “Why didn’t she tell me?” He asked no one in particular.
“She probably felt like it would be bad for your career,” Iseul shrugged after a few more seconds of silence.
He glanced up, dark eyes struggling to hold back the tears that threatened their way out. “But I would have found out eventually.”
The girl said nothing more. It wasn’t her place. When the monitors sensed more stimulation, she gave her leave. Kyungsoo said his goodbyes, and once she was gone, he scooted his chair closer to the bed. His girlfriend always looked so peaceful while she slept; her chest rose slowly, and her cheeks were tinted pink. Brushing a strand of hair out of her face, he admired the flutter of her lashes in response to his touch, and slouched in his chair once more.
About an hour later, she finally woke up. The sight of Kyungsoo staring blankly at the low-sounding television almost gave her a heart attack. For a second, she didn’t even know where she was until the dull pain in her stomach reminded her.
He noticed movement in his peripheral vision; her eyes slowly opening, scanning the room, and resting on him. In response, he turned his head slowly, meeting her eyes. While relieved she was awake, he couldn’t fight back the sadness he felt knowing she had kept such an important detail of her-their life from him.
They remained silent for a few moments, neither one of them wanting to bring up the miscarriage. One would be gaining answers, while the other would be receiving them, and neither one was prepared to commit to either request.
Finally, Kyungsoo cleared his throat before speaking up. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice broke at the end, and his girlfriend felt her heart contort in displeasure. Kyungsoo had never looked-or sounded-so sad and defeated for the duration of time they had been together. It broke her heart to know she caused it.
“I’m sorry,” was all she said, breaking the eye contact in pure cowardice. She never thought he would find out, especially not like this. And how could she tell him that she planned on having an abortion right underneath his nose? She couldn’t face him, and he virtually became aggravated with her meager response.
“What? Did you think I wasn’t going to notice that my girlfriend had a child growing inside her? That’s not exactly hard to miss,” he snorted, falling back in his chair. He hadn’t even realized he had been seated on its edge until now.
“You wouldn’t have, because I wouldn’t have been,” she swallowed hard, knowing he would catch on. He was smart; that’s one of the reasons she loved him so much.
He followed suit, forcing whatever liquid had accumulated in his closed mouth over the lump in his throat. All he could muster in reply was, “Why?”
She fiddled with her fingers, laced together on top of the sheer white hospital sheets. Why did she have to explain this? Wasn’t it obvious? “Your career,” she stammered, forcing the words out along with unwanted tears. “I thought, me being pregnant would ruin it. And you didn’t seem to be too accepting of the situation, either.” With a hint of venom laced in the last sentence, Kyungsoo thought back to the last dinner they had shared together. He thought nothing of her parenthood questions, knowing full well that his girlfriend had an inquisitive personality. She would question him in his grave, if she could. But now he could see that the questions she had asked over dinner actually had meaning, that she had been using them for her own reference in how to deal with this circumstance. Her decision was his fault just as much as it was her’s, and the realization of this filled his entire being with guilt.
“I’m sorry, __,” he wiped a tear from the corner of her eye, absolutely adoring the way she leaned into his touch. “I share in this fault with you.”
“I should have just told you,” she confessed, peeling his hand off of her face to hold in her’s. She ran her fingers over his knuckles lovingly, locking eyes with him all the while. “I was just so scared of how you would react.”
He smirked, leaning down to kiss her temple. “Next time-if there ever is a next time-will you please tell me?”
“Of course,” she nodded. Glancing around the room, she spotted a colorful bouquet seated on the shelf behind Kyungsoo’s head. He followed her eyes, smiling once they had met their mark and reached behind him to unveil the flowers. He offered them to her, and she gladly took them, admiring their beauty as he admired her’s.