Before I address your ask, can I just ask for your name? If you come back to talk to me, it’ll be easier to know who you are!
I’m really sorry about your dad! Life can be extremely hard, and I can only imagine what his loss felt like to you. I’m deeply sorry for your loss.
I’m also sorry that you felt the need to self harm again. But I understand that you were able to stop for a time? That’s very good, it means you can stop again, and you can live without it. I know it may seem impossible right now, but I’m sure that with time, you’ll be able to do it! You can try to use tricks such as writing or drawing on your arm instead of cutting, or you can put ice on your skin when you feel the urge to cut, there are many things you can do to reduce the number of cuts you make. It won’t be easy at first, and you might relapse, but that’s okay, it’s all part of the process. Try to stay clean for a few hours at first, then a day, and then move on to longer periods of time, it’ll be easier!
Darling, I’m again deeply sorry that you tried to commit suicide. I wish I could show you all the beautiful things this world has to offer, so that you would see how much there is to look forward to in life. I know that right now, you feel like nothing can possibly be worth living for, but trust me, there is so much out there. One day, you’ll fall in love with someone who loves you just as much; you’ll travel and see wonders you never thought existed; you’ll laugh so hard you will start to cry; you’ll listen to a piece of music so beautiful, you won’t be able to stop yourself from smiling. I know that all those things can happen to you, if only you just hang in there.
There are people out there who love you, I’m sure of it. Your friends care about you, and your mother too, and your teachers or your coworkers, they would all be devastated to hear that you don’t want to live. I care about you, too. Please don’t kill yourself, you still have so much to live for, and you deserve so much better than what you’ve gotten so far. I know that you’re going through a terrible time of your life, but I also know that there can be more happy moments in your future that will make your current life seem like a bad dream. Hang in there, and fight, and win, and then you’ll be happy and you will shine.
I really hope this helped, don’t hesitate to come to me again,