I am here

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

the moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down

thank you india
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence


The other day I was waiting at a train station and decided to get a burger and some fries. Now the thing is, I remember the good old days as a kid in school and how the only place we wanted to eat on our field trips were McDonalds or a similar fast food chain. It was the highlight of our day, for christ’s sake! 

So there I am sitting with my food and I suddenly realise I don’t enjoy it at all and would rather have a nice salad or sandwich. Now don’t take me wrong and mistake me for a health food nut, because I’m miles away from being one, but maybe I’m just finally growing up.

The same old cheeseburger and fries. Once delicious favourites of my childhood days. Now crappy burger and tasteless fries. 

I don't think the feeling will ever leave me really...

I just constantly, have this overwhelming feeling that I don’t belong anywhere. That I don’t fit in. I keep trying to change myself and make myself be something tht can conform to the groups and situations I’m in, but I still feel left out like all the time. With my friends I can love them forever and a day but I will always feel like I’m missing something, or that something isn’t enough, in both parties. I don’t think I will ever, ever, feel like I belong in my family, but strangely I’ve come to terms with that. 

It’s just sad, for me, when I think about how easy it looks for other people. How people thing I’m completely at ease, and I usually am, but theres always that growing afterthought that sinks in at the worst moments: 'you don't fit in here.'

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