So this is it. This is why I won’t ever give a fuck about what people say about my body. I have been through literally everything a person with an eating disorder can go through. I have done all the starving, binging, purging, overeating, misusing laxatives and it all came with depression, self harm and two suicide attempts. I am covered in stretch marks, I have scars all over my body, I have no boobs at all, I have a thyroid hypofunction, I have cellulite and I have flabby skin. But after all, this is me. Each of these pictures shows me. I have changed. And I pray and hope and work for that it will never be like it used to. I still suffer from an ED. I still get insecure. I still want to cut off this flabby skin and it costs me so much strength to even post this. I haven’t taken a look at my ‘fat’ pictures for two years. Up until today. Because it’s over. It is all over.

I am going to be healthy, I am going to be fine. I’m never going to binge again. I will stay slim and get healthy. I will get toned and I will be happy. Because this is my body, the only body I will ever get and the times of abusing it are over. I will never hurt myself again. I won’t ever make myself throw up again. I won’t ever binge again. I’m not going to let myself do bad things for me because I do not deserve this. And neither do you.

If you feel like it’s time for a change, then change. But change for good. Be healthy and stay strong. And don’t delay loving yourself. Love yourself today, with all of your flaws, work hard and believe in yourself every single second of your life. Make yourself beautiful, make life beautiful. Neither starving nor binging is good. Be the best you can be and be happy. I made it and so will you.

Read my full story here


At a time where i was totally not copying sailor moon and wrote about these transforming magical girl elemental warriors (I did not speak any English back then and was totally proud on their names: Fire, Aqua, Heven and Terra! amazing!)……. there was one bad guy called Mirror. He used Mirrors to fight and could change a person by drawing on the mirror. By that time i was really far from Sailor Moon but come to think of it, my Warriors never really used their powers. Mirror was actually a good guy and quite fun, just grew up in the wrong over-evil-lords-bad-guy-family. He changed sides later. Also I liked jesters…

In the Monsterbook he stands for dysmorphophobia.

pet peeve of the day:

those days when i think too much.

i find that whenever i over-think things, it never leads to positive thoughts, only negative.

some days i’ll just wake up feeling useless & even begin to contemplate whether or not i should continue w/ another day of my nonexistent life or if i should stay in bed & senselessly cry myself to frequent naps, only to take breaks to pee.

throughout the day, i seem to have only pessimistic thoughts & everything that people say just sounds like incoherent rambling or something that seems to either make me feel even more inadequate, make life sound terrible & torturous, or just something that is, in some way, attacking me. on those days, i try to keep to myself in order to not draw any attention or pity from anyone. i also hate when people continuously ask whether or not i’m ohk & also if they say something fucking retarded like, “oh, are you just pms’ing ?” when i give an apathetic-sounding response. i don’t mean to, but do you rly have to be such an ass ?

i’m pretty sure that everybody has these kinds of days once in a while, & if anybody is actually reading this, i’d just like to say that i apologize for not being able to (have) help(ed) you in your current state, although i’m sure that everything can & will (& might already) be much better(, eventually). have a nice day!

Watch on

"Lightning" by Iron Claw on Dismorphophobia

Watch on

Iron Claw - Let It Grow

*Post by Adzzzzz

Watch on

reminds me of your fur lined denim jacket… back then

-A E S