It can take quite a while sometimes, to work out that we are not, and can not, be in control of all that is outside ourselves. We are dealt cards in a game that can be beautiful at times, and incredibly cruel at others. We cannot control these events, or stop them from happening. And you cannot undo them. What I hope you can do, is make a choice. I hope it is within your power to choose how to react to those difficult and painful cards that life will deal out to you.
Reliving the painful past over and over is not a useful thing, unless, something positive can come out of it. Like growth, or fond memories. Rewind and replay can become automatic, looping. If you can stop at that moment, and breathe. Try and bring yourself out from within, and focus, if you can, on here and now. The warm glow of the desktop lamp on your books, the trees that wave at you through the window. Now close your eyes, don’t think, listen. Listen for the loyal beat of your heart. It hasn’t deserted you. Listen to the secrets the trees whisper to you through their leaves. If you can allow yourself to see the beauty in this fraction of a moment, it might stretch on and allow you to reroute your mind from that deep well of pain. Relief. If you can practice seeing the beauty from moment to moment, then things will become easier.
Make choice your friend. Don’t fear it. Find the strength and courage to remove yourself from things in your life that are damaging you. Reach out for help if you need it. People do care. People you know, or have yet to meet, will care. But don’t remove yourself from life. Don’t let it beat you. There are of course, reasons why it is hard or almost impossible for some of us to regulate our emotions, thoughts, reactions. Some pain that is dealt to us in cruel games can be almost too much to bear. All I can say is please, don’t give up. And take care. If you need me I can be found here, inside you. All you need to do is remember I’m here.
And you are not alone.