OMG GUESS WHAT?!?!!

I have an opportunity to go and speak to a community college psychology class about DID. One of my close friends Kylie is taking the class and told her teacher about me, and her professor has been following my blog and wants me to come speak to the class. :D I am SO SO SO excited. Things like this make even the worst days worth it. Knowing I can share my experiences with others is a reward like no other.

I can’t wait to spread the truth about what DID is, what living with it is really like, and the hope that there is for life in spite of the disorder b/c of Jesus. It’s going to be a great opportunity, and we are all so excited. I MIGHT even let Chris come and talk to the class depending on what the teacher has in mind. One of my mentors, Mrs. K, is going to go with is. I don’t have the exact date yet, but it’s gonna be one Monday before December.

I AM JUST SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Julie/Jenny

When I was really little, I remember wanted to be an astronaut because space always looked so beautiful to me.

Kiki wanted to be a detective, and she was convinced she would be number one in her field.

We grew older and our dreams changed, Kiki still wanted to be a detective but she wanted to specialize in forensics, and then she also wanted to be an undertaker- she was enthralled with the idea of making someone look beautiful in the public eye for the last time. She felt motivated by all these things.

Arora had shown up by now and she wanted to make toys for all the little kids in the world.

My dreams changed to, but I wasn’t worried about school, about having the ‘perfect job’, or making lots of money. There were only three things that I wanted…

I wanted to help people, in any way that I could…

I wanted to have a home, one that was my own. My house would always be open to those who needed it.

But the thing I wanted the absolute most- was to be a mommy.

Flash-forward a few years, I am a freshmen in high school.

And one day when I came home, I came home to a two week infant placed into my families care. My sister decided that she could not handle being a mother in the state she was in, laced in many different drug dependencies.

That night, my little two week old infant nephew, Mason, and his cute little crib was placed into my room.

Do you know what I did?

I fell in love with that little boy, I would wake up in the middle of the night to change him or feed him if he should cry, I would rock him to sleep if he had bad dreams, or I would simply put him in bed with me if he didn’t want to feel alone. I love it, I loved everything about it.

I didn’t care about not going out with my friends after school, I didn’t care that I only had two hours of sleep before a major exam in first period. None of that mattered, because when I came home to that sweet cubby smiling face. It made everything worth it. Though all the pain that I was going though, though the hardships that I had to face every day. He made living worth it. Yes, I still was doing some self-destructive thing, and I cannot hide those scars on my arms…but one of the reasons that I was able to stay strong, the reason that I am still here today, is my little nephew.

Do you know what Kiki did?

Kiki did the same as me. She would get upset sometimes, and frustrated that she couldn’t figure out how to make Mason stop crying, but she would try and try until she found out what he wanted. She would complain sometimes but she still treated Mason will tender love and care, and she slowly fell in love with him too.

Do you know what Arora did?

This was right before Arora sort of disappeared into the background for a bit, but she would sing to Mason, put on little puppet shows with his stuffed animals. She would freak out sometimes, sure, but Arora always loved babysitting. It was just a part of her. Arora was never forgetful when it came to Mason, she would never leave him alone, and she paid more attention to taking care of Mason when she was out than herself. She made sure that he was happy, smiling, and safe.

Kyokyo wasn’t around at this time, he had gone into the background by now. But I have no doubt in my mind, that he would have done the same as everyone else. Kyokyo never wanted children before but after one of Aaron’s little cousins became really attached to him, he has shown a strong parental side of himself.

What do we do now?

We still care for Mason and we love him with all of our heart. Mason also calls us Mom or Mommy. We did not ask him to call us this, he just stared this on his own.

Mason does different things with all of us, I wouldn’t say he knows that I have DID, but he can tell the difference between us for the most part.

When I am out, Mason will curl with me and we will watch Disney movies all day long, we will go outside and play hide-n-seek or pretend that we are slaying ghouls, he will ask me to sing songs with him, or will show me what he learned in school. We will sing the songs we love together, or we will dance to his favorite movies. We will play “zombies” together or pretend that we are in Hyrule from Zelda.

Mason is also the one who knows when I have had a bad day and will jump into my lap and kiss my head and say “it’s okay”, he will rub my hair back and sing me songs that we always sing, just like I do for him when he is sick or is not feeling well. He also kisses the scars on my arms and asks me “is it better now?” just like I do every time he falls and gets a boo-boo. When Mason starts to cry, I hold open my hands and ask him to give me all his pain, everything that makes him sad, everything that is hurting him, and anything that makes him cry. Mason puts these invisible emotions into my palms and then I ask him “is that all?”, he’ll shake his head no and give me some more, I will then clasp my hands together and make my hands look like a butterfly or bird flapping away singing “Pain pain, go away, go away so we can play” and by this time- Mason is once again smiling.

When Kiki is out, Mason sometimes calls her Kikyou (I do not know why, Kiki never told him to call her Kiki or this, he just started to do this on his own) they watch Inuyasha and anime together, as well as Pixar films. Mason always makes Kiki say the line “oh my oh me, what pretty pretty silver hair you have” while playing with his hair, her imitation of Yura of the Hair from Inuyasha. Only Kiki can do this too, because if me or Arora try we always get “that’s not right”. Kiki has a special “spell” that she does to help Mason fall asleep, she will tuck Mason in really tight and say “Cocoon, cocoon, cocoon. Snug like a bug in a rug. When you wake up, you’ll be a handsome butterfly”, he knocks out after she does this. Once again, she is the only one that can pull this trick. When I am out, I have a special song that I sing to help him sleep at night.

When Arora is out, they will cuddle up together on the couch and watch TV or play games on my phone.

They will follow Aaron around the house and help out with little chores or will listen to Aaron play guitar.

When Kyokyo is out, Mason is very well behaved. Kyokyo is the only one of us that Mason minds without having to ask him twice and Aaron says this is because Kyokyo is very stern and explanatory to Mason. If Mason does something that he isn’t supposed to, Kyokyo tells him to stop and asks him to come over. He explains to Mason why what he is doing wrong, and asks Mason if he can tell him why what he did was wrong.  Mason loves to play the “folding game” when Kyokyo is doing laundry. Kyokyo will teach Mason how to fold the towels and little things and helps Kyokyo put them up.

Mason always, always asks Kyokyo to cook for him when he is the one out, so I guess we know who make the best food out of all of us! =]

So yes, I do believe individuals with DID can make excellent parents! It is a lot of work, but that is just parenthood, it is a challenge caring for and raising a child but it is the most rewarding blessing that anyone could have. It is one that never fails to put a smile on your face.

 I believe that if you have alters willing to work with you, you can have an exceptional foundation in your parental routine. There are always ways to cope with what you have going on in life to give your child the life they deserve. I do not believe having DID should be grounds to tell you that you are unfit to be a mother or a father! I do understand the worry that some may have when it comes to this, but those worries can be applied to every individual in the world, not just those with DID. Just because someone does not have a mental health disorder or a disability does not mean that they are any more fit to be a parent than with someone with a condition they live with.

 Everyone deserves to be happy and everyone deserves to have their own family. As long as they are ready to support a child emotionally and financially and are concrete in their beliefs that they will give their child the best life that they can have no matter what. I do believe that you need to make sure that you are stable enough in your life to be a parent and know that your child must always come first. =]

Mason is not my child, but I love him more than anything in this world. I would do anything in my power to ensure that he has a stable and happy life. I may not care him full time but all of us are hoping to adopt him when my grandparents cannot do it on their own any longer.

This is my rant for the day. =]

Sorry so long, I could have went on for much longer but I’ll let it go here!

Thank you guys

~Devii

 One miniheartattack later~

I just uploaded the “Meet The Alters” video on YouTube! =D

This project was so much fun to piece together because it was my first time getting to see how everyone acts, putting together the sheet was amazing because I finally got to “see” what they look like. <3

Just some video notes,

The video quality and sound suck really bad because it is all done over the phone. I will be buying a cam soon. Arora’s video has really bad wind in it, so I put some small clips we had of her up too. =]

Also, Kiki seems really out of it in her video. Aaron agrees too. So I will try and get her to do one of our next videos when she’s not so out of it.

Well, I am off to work! Kiki may come out tonight, so if you have any questions for her please feel free to ask them =D To reach Kyokyo and Arora, I don’t know when they’ll be back out. But most likely Sunday night. <3

Thank you everyone!

~Devii.

I have to learn to be me,
Embracing my star kissed body,
With its scarlet dreams.
To find beauty in my imperfections,
Knowing that I am not different,
I am unique.
I will write the pages of a life worth living,
Choosing my own path of twisted reality.
I will earn the right to smile,
Despite the past that I will never forget,
Knowing that it had made me a survivor,
Not a tragic damsel in distress.
I may stay silent,
But I will sing at new horizons,
Screaming in my heart of the accomplishment and mistakes I’ve made.
I am me,
I am nothing more, I am nothing less,
I am not strange,
I am a stunning self made masterpiece one of my own hand.
— 

This is a poem I wrote, just about a month ago. Though I was laced with determination to change myself, from stabbing at my heart with my own insecurities instead of embracing myself, I failed to do so. That changes now, I will accept my past and I will accept myself. All of myself!

I Have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). When I was younger, I could not accept this. I would tell myself that my alters would just dissipate one day, that they would just go away. To be honest, when I was younger I didn’t want them there at all. I didn’t understand why they were there which made me scared. 

Things are different now, I have accepted myself and each alter that lives within me. I have grown to love them and care for them. I cannot picture my life without them now. It would not be the same. 

I care about their happiness and to achieve that, I want to try and raise awareness about DID. To show that it is possible to live a normal life. I want them to be able to come out around people, and not feel ashamed or scared, to let them be themselves the best they can.

Hopefully, we can raise awareness and DID will be more commonly known! 

That people with this disorder will not be shunned for it, and will be embraced also with their alters. To help others understand what it is like to have DID and be able to accept a person with it. There is always fear in the unknown, maybe one day DID Awareness will spread higher and higher and it will not be so mysterious anymore! This is my hope. My dream. My goal. 

~Devii

Plans

Almost all of my alters have made their intro videos. Arora’s really shaky and windy because (much to my surprise) she took the vid outside. I don’t think I’m really going to be able to get another one out of her soon with school and work, so I apologize in advance for the video quality! 
I’m sure after midterms though, she’ll make another one. =] 

Hopefully I will have the video up really soon. I’m going to work on the editing work tonight as much as I can. It just takes a little while to stitch the vids together. 

Thank you to everyone who has supported me! It really means a lot and I am truly motivated now. 

See you guys later~

~Devii

Holiday Cards

Hi Everyone! =]

We would really like to participate in the Holiday Card exchange.

If anyone would like a card from us, please send us your address though a fan-mail or to deviiuniquelythree@gmail.com. Also, if there is anyone special you would like to write on the card let us know. Can’t promise they will though. <3

Oh~ Also, Kyokyo made himself a Tumblr: http://kyokyoeverhart.tumblr.com/ and he also asked me if he could get a KIK(sp? texting app) which I said was okay so he will be making himself an account on that app too, I think I’ll make one too =]

It was pretty cool to see Kyokyo’s tumblr- I didn’t realize how much he really likes and support To Write Love On Her Arms so I don’t know, it just kind of made me feel super happy that he does. 

Kiki and Aaron might make a Tumblr together and I know Kyokyo said he would share his Tumblr with Arora too, since they have the best connection.

Welllll~ That’s all I have for tonight.

Night everyone~

~Devii

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