here have some AUs as if there aren't enough on your dash already
  • “i came to the gym to work out but holy god i can’t stop watching you do one armed push ups that’s so hot” au
  • “this is totally awkward considering before this the only interactions we’ve ever had have been casual nods to each other in the hallway but there’s a huge fucking spider in my bath tub and you seem like the friendly neighbor type please help me” au
  • "you’re the only delivery person who gets to my house in any semblance of the word fast which is why i keep requesting you but you don’t believe me and tease me constantly about it” au
  • “okay i get it you’re a great thief and don’t want to go to jail but i’m the exhausted af detective that’s assigned to catch you i stg if you let me bring you in so i can sleep i’ll get you a good deal” au
  • "okay i get that there are no seats left in this cafe but like i am trying to read here no you cannot have this chair my feet are using it thank you very much please get out of my face now” au
  • “my parents moved me halfway across the world when we were twelve and before that we were best friends but now i’m back and moving in across the hall from you so hi?” au
  • “i’ve been travelling a lot and somehow you’re in every single city i go to seriously what the fuck who even are you how are you doing this” au
  • “we’ve been nothing but friends for our whole lives but then we played seven minutes in heaven on a dare and now i think i might actually be in love with you” au
  • “ngl i thought you were the weak one of this friend group but your whole life just went to complete shit around you and somehow you’re still acting the same so if you want to be weak you can be around me” au
  • “my guitarist quit the night before the gig that could mean the big break for a band that i have put my soul into and supposedly you’re really good but i swear to god if you screw this up for me i will hunt you down and slit your throat” au
  • “it seems we’re the only two people in this class that actually know what the fuck is going on want to team up for this project and ruin everybody’s lives” au
  • “we started arguing about which hogwarts house this one character would be in and we completely lost track of time and now you’re demanding i take you out to dinner is this a date” au
  • “i’m the private investigator that was hired by your ex to track you down and you totally caught me sitting outside your apartment in a rental car so hi what up” au
  • “i came to check out this support group but things have kind of been majorly sucking lately and you were there and i didn’t even know anything was wrong but we’ve known each other for months what gives” au
  • “i’m the lawyer helping you get custody of your daughter and oops you’re all kinds of adorable with her and also i think she’s growing attached to me is this good or bad” au
  • “i meant to text the contact one above you in my phone’s contact list for a booty call but i didn’t realize i hit your name until i sent it so now i’m just sitting here feeling those little three dots hardcore judging me” au
  • “we started dating after months of sexual tension between us but then you moved across the country so now we’re trying to figure out how to make this brand new relationship work long distance” au
  • “so not to be rude or anything but i’ve been coming to this cemetery at this time on this day every week for fucking years and i’ve always been alone up until now seriously what the hell” au
  • “it’s the middle of the night and i’m walking home alone in the dark and there’s this guy following me and he’s starting to gain on me and i found this phone booth with a lock on the door and i tried to call my best friend but my hands were shaking so badly i accidentally dialed the wrong number and i don’t even know you but help me” au
Grocery Store Aus
  • there is only one thing left on the shelf and it is mINE
  • the cashier accidentally thought we were a couple and we were too embarrassed to correct them 
  • every day i come in and say i really bad and cheesy pick up line to you aka the rlly hot af cashier and every time you laugh but no really do u wanna go out with me
  • you walked into the door and i just had to tease u when u came through my till but no really your cute
  • i know im just the cahsier but usually the bag person talk to me do u like hate me or smthing cause like idk what i did?
  • you were buying a bunc h of groceries and insited you didn’t need a cart and tried to carry it but now everything is on the floor and you broke your four litre of ilk and pepsi bottle.
  • you come every day at the exact same time and one day ur late and u feel the need to apologizd to me and explain your entire terrible day to me
  • the only cashier on is rlly hot and i am seriously buying the weirdest combination of things uh
  • you were dancing in the isle of the store and i accidentally burst out laughing and oh god im so sorry no it was cute dont stop
  • I may have ran into the store and demanded where the condoms are and now i feel really embarrassed because your a really hot cashier and it was a dare shit
  • your card is totally cock blocking you from getting laid cause its not getting accepted and I pay for you and oops two weeks later we see each other again and maybe your totally single and still have that box of condoms from before. 
  • I heard a huge scream from produce and when i go into the back all i see you is standing on your produce desk and pointing to a large bannana spider and wow thats cute
  • you really need coffee beans but there isnt any left in the store (there was a sale) and you start crying, uh there there?
i've been seeing a lot of au posts for two person ships but not 3(+) person ships so here we go
  • “the ride we want to go on is three people a cart and we’d rather choose a stranger to sit with than have one chosen for us plus you look relatively not sweaty want to join us” au
  • “two people started hitting on me at this bar at the same time and they’re both hot af best night ever” au
  • “i accidentally took the seat that was between a couple because they were fighting and now i have to deal with them fuck” au
  • “i’m your waitress and i totally thought you two were dating because of the heart eyes you’re making at each other but now that i know you’re not i kinda want to ask one of you out but i also feel like you should be together because of said hearteyes” au
  • “it’s the apocalypse and we’re like the only ones still alive high five want to have celebratory sex” au
  • “accidentally got really famous overnight and now i have a manager and an agent and tbh they’re both really hot how am i supposed to cope with this” au 
  • “turns out hogwarts students only give you weird looks when you date multiple people from multiple other houses huh who knew” au
  • “there was supposed to be a party here tonight but no one showed up but us including whoever the fuck’s house this is want to see what’s in their Netflix queue” au
  • “i booked this hotel room cause i wanted some time away with my girlfriend but we ordered room service and the server who brought it up is hella hot should we ask them to join us” au
  • “we’re all in the waiting room on the delivery floor of the hospital but someone none of us are here waiting for our own kids to be born we’re all here for friends how weird is that” au
  • “we’re the only ones in this bar literally what the fuck it’s like a thursday night” au
  • “i am very drunk and flirting with multiple people because my vision is blurry enough i can’t actually tell how many of you there are” au
  • “you’re a total asshole but your girlfriend definitely isn’t” au
  • “we didn’t come to this con together but we’re all dressed as various members of a team so everybody’s making us pose together” au
  • “I WILL BEAT YOU ALL AT MARIO KART IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO also wanna make out. like. all of us. at the same time. i might be high on adrenaline but the point still stands” au

‘also:

  • flight attendants au
  • tour guides au
  • con artists au
  • cop duo/helpful but curious scientist au
  • roommates au
  • group project au
  • only people aware of upcoming epidemic au
  • band au
  • i cannot stress that last one enough just like a band that is all together imagiNE THE MEDIA CONFUSION
  • owning a restaurant together au
  • TAs of same shitty teacher au
  • camp counselors that live for the confusion of the kids trying to figure out who’s with who au
  • youtubers who everyone wants to collab doing a video together to reveal they’re dating
  • parent teacher meeting au
  • waiting for a flight for 10+ hours au
  • deaf person/only people who know sign language in the whole fucking building au

[frank delfino voice] laurel castillo??? nah what a nerd what a— [trips] [hundreds of thousands of photos of laurel spill out of jacket] w-what a fuckign asshole i— these arent mine im just [gathering them up frantically sweating] listen i just listen fuck [thousands of pictures of laurel scatter across the floor] shit fcuk im holding them for a friend jus t listen