For the record, there is nothing that could be both terrifying and pathetic at the same time as a Thunder God thinking that his girlfriend has dumped him for another man.
Especially if that man happens to be Captain America.
So Bucky’s already moving to get Steve out of the line of fire… er, lightning. Although he knows perfectly well that his boyfriend would not cheat on him and he’s taught Steve the sacred commandment that is Thou shalt not steal another fella’s sweetheart, especially if that fella’s a pal, it really looks bad. Jane’s clinging to Steve for all she’s worth and Bucky appreciates the fact that Steve is so very climbable. And Steve looks a bit teary-eyed himself.
So. Steve has a sad. Bucky has to squash the part of himself that is still and will always be the Winter Soldier, whose first instinct would be Destroy everything that gives our Steve the sads.
And Darcy, bless her, saves the day.
"Whoa, there, Sparky! Steve and Jane found out they’re long-lost cousins!"
So it turns out, Jane’s great-grandmother and Steve’s mom were sisters. Bucky had some vague memories of Steve mentioning his Aunt Maggie, but he’d lost touch with her shortly after his Ma died but he’d always wanted to visit her in Boston, after the war, on the Great Road Trip that he and Bucky had planned but had never gotten around to doing.
Turns out, Jane had photo albums of Great-Grandma, Great-Aunt Sarah Rogers and Cousin Steve when he was still bitty and adorable. And then she put two and two together and showed them to Steve.
The results were predictable.
Steve still apologized to Thor anyway, because Thor’s kicked-puppy look was about as devastating as Steve’s was and Thor apologized to Steve in turn, for believing that he would be so “churlish as to attempt to wrest away the affections of my fair lady Jane.”
Jane, Darcy and Bucky were too busy squeeing (the Winter Soldier does not squee, with one notable exception) over the pictures of Bitty Steve Rogers.
And then, Darcy casually mentioned that she missed her awesome grandma, a really wicked cool hell raiser of a dame - Gran’s words, not Darcy’s. Gran went on a lot about her handsome big brother, who was all but married to this cutie pie punk, except that they were living in Not So Cool Times and World War II made it so that Great Uncle Bucky and Uncle Punk never made it home.
Great Uncle. Bucky.
The ear-splitting shriek that Darcy let out upon finally realizing that Great Uncle Bucky was Bucky Barnes shattered a couple of glasses and almost the window. Also, it caused Clint to fall out of the air vent and he promptly complained that Darcy shorted out his hearing aids.
Bucky, however, just did Steve’s Nose Bridge-Pinch of Barely Concealed Horror and commented, “What are the odds of a Barnes ending up looking after a Trouble Prone Rogers Punk?”
And he pointedly looks at Jane.
Who sputters out a “HEY I RESEMBLE THAT REMARK! FOR SCIENCE!”
And Steve has his Deer in Headlights expression on, looks at Darcy and at Bucky, then heavenwards and says, “Two of them? Really?”
Thus, Rogers and Foster must be allied against the Terrible Protective Machinations of Barnes and Lewis.
Steve was promptly christened “Uncle Punk” by Darcy.
Thor proclaimed himself solidly on Team Barnes and Lewis, because he understands that it is a “great and terrible task, wherein we watch over our Captain and our Goddess of Science, in their noble endeavors.” Also, Darcy had the Pop Tarts.
- end -
Note: Please heap all blame upon the head of sparrowsverse - who came up with having Bucky and Darcy as related to each other.