As soon as something seems clear and easy and finally making sense, it gets all fucked up. I got accepted to CWU so I was getting excited thinking about how I have some structure for the next 4 years of my life getting my career together in whatever I decide on and about to experience the 4 years of college that everyone else seems to be enjoying. Then my parents sit me down and essentially tell me I’m being stupid and that this isn’t smart even though this path I’m on is the one that I’ve had shoved down my throat since before Pre-K. Every year hearing: “make sure you get good grades so you can go to a good college.”
Fuck. Here I am. I’ve made it into a University and now you’re saying that I shouldn’t go because jobs aren’t even guaranteed and that Ill never be able to pay off my student loans. That I’ll be just as well off if I just join the work force because that’s what they did and they’re successful. They’re spewing about how they tried college and they didn’t go because it was too hard for them and that I probably won’t be able to do it. “Try community college and see if school is for you”. I can’t go to a community college I know that I will dropout without the support and pressure of my peers. I can’t take a gap year and join the work force because I’ll never achieve more than a basic job because I know for a fact I’ll never go back to school and that’s not something that I want in my life.
What I want, is to go to CWU. Become the first of my family to get a degree. Have a job that doesn’t involve a factory floor and where ill be able to live comfortably.
Yes, I understand that it comes with $20,000 worth of debt I’ll take 20+ years to pay off.
Yes, I understand that going to a community college is cheaper but it simply isn’t an option for me because I know myself too well.
God damn it. Why can’t you understand this when I tell you and you just yell at me and patronizingly look down on me like I’m some stupid child.