Let's Have A Conversation.

I’m very much okay with disagreement, discussion, debate, questions, challenges, and stretching each other towards new ideas.  I’m okay with wrestling out our misunderstandings and faulty point of views.  I’m open to you teaching me something I never thought of, or to help me think in a new direction, or to correct an obvious error.  This means you want dialogue.  And really, passion and conviction are okay too.  I will have a conversation with you when you see the person, not just a problem.  Then you’re respecting my willingness to learn.  You’re building a bridge towards mine, and even if we disagree in the end, we valued each other’s dignity.

I’m not at all okay with obnoxious arrogance, smarmy diatribes, condescending, one-sided soapboxing, black-and-white pigeonholing, hyper-sensitivity, a persecution complex, yelling “fallacy” or “heresy” or “blasphemy,” didactic lecturing, automatic defenses, blanket statements, unequivocal language like “always” and “never,” putting words in my mouth, or assuming I stand for the opposite of some angle I didn’t cover.  This is not passion, but insecurity.  It’s not conviction, but condemnation.  Your goal isn’t a conversation, but winning a conversion.  It means you love the sound of your own voice, and there’s only room for one person on that platform.  Yet you wouldn’t even listen to someone who talked the same way you talk.  I will hear you, I will even read your picket sign and your angry blog post, but don’t expect much else.

— J.S.

I’m sorry, but legit if you can’t explain your point in a debate, or even refuse to explain your point, then debating is not for you. Legit that’s how debates, or internet arguments/drama (why is every disagreement tagged drama nowadays I do not understand), work. You have to explain yourself, you have to prove your point, if someone doesn’t understand something, you have to explain to them. Any debater or, hell, English teacher can tell you that.

If you cannot/flat out refuse to explain yourself in a debate, then you’re just wasting everyone’s time and making yourself look like an absolute idiot.


On being calm and kind on Tumblr

Fairly often, I get asks and messages thanking me for responding calmly and rationally to people who are…less calm and rational. I am very appreciative of those messages, and they are very encouraging.

However, I really wish it wasn’t so notable for someone to be calm and kind and rational on this website. It’s not just nice, but it creates a much better blogging experience.

There are two main reasons that I work hard to keep my cool on this website:

  1. I represent my views. As a conservative pro-life Christian woman, I represent conservatives, the pro-life movement, and Christianity. I don’t want to ever give any of those a bad name by my words or actions.
  2. Being calm and kind separates the hurt from the trolls.

What do I mean by that? I think there are a lot of people who carry a lot of hurt around with them. Sometimes, they might associate that hurt with the viewpoints of the person who hurt them or whatever it was that haunts them. For instance, a post-abortive woman might carry a lot of pain from her abortion, and so the topic of abortion is very sensitive to her. Or I might meet someone who has a bad relationship with his parents and associates his parents’ faith with the bad things he saw them do. 

These people might then project their hurt and anger onto me, because I represent the hurt they’re feeling. So they may act in anger toward me, using me as an outlet for that hurt.

If I am calm and kind toward them, they may realize that I’m not the person or thing that hurt them. They might then be more willing to calm down and talk to me. Or, at least, they might have a slightly better impression of people who share my views.

Trolls, however, will be trolls. No matter how calm and kind I am, they’ll try to make me mad. But if I’m calm and kind toward them, they usually get bored and leave.

I recommend to everyone, regardless of viewpoint, to try approaching all debates on Tumblr with calmness, kindness, and reason. We’ll make a lot more progress toward understanding each other and working toward a better understanding of truth, and we’ll be a lot happier with each other in the process.

mycatsoundslikechewbacca asked:

Hi, so you seem super... knowledgeable (?) I don't know, you just give off vibes that say "wise." But anyways I was wondering about something & thought I should ask you: Do you know why it's so bad to be in the majority? I mean, I'm a 17 year-old girl, I tend to like guys a lot (there's been, like, 1 exception to this,) I'm cisgendered, I was diagnosed with anxiety, and I like to cosplay and read my comics and I thought that this was okay but now all sorts of people on my dash are saying (1/2)

“It’s like, I just want to be able to talk a little bit from my own viewpoint without having to worry about someone telling me I’m a cruddy human being and making me feel like poop and sad. And I don’t know how. So that’s kindof what I’m asking. (2/2”) by mycatsoundslikechewbacca

First, I wanna get one thing straight with you: as a gay male, I can confidently say that there is NOTHING wrong with you, nor is there anything wrong with being in the majority as long as you are doing your best to treat others with the same kindness and respect you (and they) deserve.  You seem like a perfectly nice and kind person who has been hit with some of the shrapnel shot in all directions by some pretty toxic people out there.

Never let anyone tell you how to feel about yourself. I know what it’s like to deal with anxiety and I know how awful it feels when others are making you think you’re somehow less than human because of traits you were born with.  

Now, to Tumblr as a whole:

There’s this growing mindset (within Tumblr, at least) that if you are a white, heterosexual, cisgendered male/female your feelings are invalid because (insert list of bullshit reasons).  This is hypocritical and, on top of it all, it’s ignorant. Here is the bottom line:  

  • Being gay does not make it ok to hate straight people 
  • Being a POC does not make it ok to hate white people 
  • Being transgender does not make it ok to hate cisgender people

The classifications of gender, sexuality, and race/ethnicity are incredibly significant, but they should not be as relevant as we have made them. What should be truly relevant and what should hold actual significance is how you treat other people. I don’t care who you are or where you come from, let alone what you identify as:  If you are putting someone down simply because they are different than you, then you are just as bad as the people who are putting people down because they are gay, black, etc. etc. 

“But white, straight, cis people haven’t had to deal with the adversity we have”.  Seriously? Shut the fuck up and be a decent human being. I don’t give a damn what you think a subgroup has dealt with, majority or no. Everyone fights their own battles and everyone, I mean EVERYONE deserves to be treated with kindness, respect, and as a worthwhile human being. 

anonymous asked:

How is "teaching me not to rape" promoting something harmful? 1/5 to1/4 of women are raped. Why would trying to lower those numbers via improving men's behavior be bad? Like it should be men's responsibility.

First off, those statistics have been proven time and time again to have been taken from bad science, which I strongly disapprove of.

Anyway, while the “Teach Men Not to Rape” narrative/campaign is well-meaning, it’s still unintentionally harmful because it can paint men as monsters who are incapable of controlling themselves. And maybe there’s no way to get around that, but it’s still something to stop and think about that.

Debates | Fabrevans

Morning sickness aside, Quinn knew without a doubt the worse part of her pregnancy was the moodiness thanks to the pregnancy hormones. One minute she felt fine, the next she felt tired or like crying. Sometimes she even felt inexplicably annoyed almost to the point of being angry. The lady in the doctors office was only one example of people she had snapped at over the course of the day, the first having been Rachel Berry at school. In her defense she would stand by the reasoning that she hated when strangers felt the need to touch her. It was annoying and who knew where their disgusting hands had been previously. Quinn swore it was almost like magic the way her baby bump had grown considerable over the past month. It was like it happened overnight. She was by no one standards huge, not even close, but there wasn’t any hiding it anymore. She had the beginnings of a belly. And even though it was clear to people she wasn’t very far along, considering she was only showing a little bit, it seemed to be an invitation for people to touch her stomach. 

It was always a ‘oh how cute’ or a 'you must not be very far along, can you feel the baby yet?’ from one stranger or another. These days it was all that was needed to set her off before she was demanding the stranger take their hands off her. If they threw in a snarky comment about how she was too young it was game over. The middle aged women had been unlucky enough to commit both offences and even tacked on how unfair it was that her daughter and their husband had been trying for years and teenagers who shouldn’t be having kids had no problem. Quinn hadn’t been in the mood to be sympathetic. As a testament to how quick her moods could change she was immediately upset afterwards because the lady had ruined the excitement of her eighteen week check-up and finally getting to find out if their baby was a boy or a girl.

For the time being though she had settled into mood that was only slightly irritated now that she was back home with Sam, sitting around his table eating a dinner made up of sandwiches and fruit. His family having had gone out to dinner or something. Though they told them not to wait, Quinn had a sneaking suspicion they had waited around longer than they should have waiting to see if they would show up before they left. She denied it but Quinn got the impression Sam’s mother was more than a little curious as to the sex of the baby. It was probably only when his younger siblings started complaining they were hungry that they left.

“I can’t believe we’re having a girl,” Quinn mused out loud still staring at the sonogram picture (that actually kind of looked like a baby now) she had laid on the table beside her plate. One of her hands resting gently on her stomach. She couldn’t help but smile at the confirmation that her initial hunch had been right. “We can finally start picking out names.” She told Sam still having the urge to give their baby a proper name.