Let's Have A Conversation.

I’m very much okay with disagreement, discussion, debate, questions, challenges, and stretching each other towards new ideas.  I’m okay with wrestling out our misunderstandings and faulty point of views.  I’m open to you teaching me something I never thought of, or to help me think in a new direction, or to correct an obvious error.  This means you want dialogue.  And really, passion and conviction are okay too.  I will have a conversation with you when you see the person, not just a problem.  Then you’re respecting my willingness to learn.  You’re building a bridge towards mine, and even if we disagree in the end, we valued each other’s dignity.

I’m not at all okay with obnoxious arrogance, smarmy diatribes, condescending, one-sided soapboxing, black-and-white pigeonholing, hyper-sensitivity, a persecution complex, yelling “fallacy” or “heresy” or “blasphemy,” didactic lecturing, automatic defenses, blanket statements, unequivocal language like “always” and “never,” putting words in my mouth, or assuming I stand for the opposite of some angle I didn’t cover.  This is not passion, but insecurity.  It’s not conviction, but condemnation.  Your goal isn’t a conversation, but winning a conversion.  It means you love the sound of your own voice, and there’s only room for one person on that platform.  Yet you wouldn’t even listen to someone who talked the same way you talk.  I will hear you, I will even read your picket sign and your angry blog post, but don’t expect much else.

— J.S.

On being calm and kind on Tumblr

Fairly often, I get asks and messages thanking me for responding calmly and rationally to people who are…less calm and rational. I am very appreciative of those messages, and they are very encouraging.

However, I really wish it wasn’t so notable for someone to be calm and kind and rational on this website. It’s not just nice, but it creates a much better blogging experience.

There are two main reasons that I work hard to keep my cool on this website:

  1. I represent my views. As a conservative pro-life Christian woman, I represent conservatives, the pro-life movement, and Christianity. I don’t want to ever give any of those a bad name by my words or actions.
  2. Being calm and kind separates the hurt from the trolls.

What do I mean by that? I think there are a lot of people who carry a lot of hurt around with them. Sometimes, they might associate that hurt with the viewpoints of the person who hurt them or whatever it was that haunts them. For instance, a post-abortive woman might carry a lot of pain from her abortion, and so the topic of abortion is very sensitive to her. Or I might meet someone who has a bad relationship with his parents and associates his parents’ faith with the bad things he saw them do. 

These people might then project their hurt and anger onto me, because I represent the hurt they’re feeling. So they may act in anger toward me, using me as an outlet for that hurt.

If I am calm and kind toward them, they may realize that I’m not the person or thing that hurt them. They might then be more willing to calm down and talk to me. Or, at least, they might have a slightly better impression of people who share my views.

Trolls, however, will be trolls. No matter how calm and kind I am, they’ll try to make me mad. But if I’m calm and kind toward them, they usually get bored and leave.

I recommend to everyone, regardless of viewpoint, to try approaching all debates on Tumblr with calmness, kindness, and reason. We’ll make a lot more progress toward understanding each other and working toward a better understanding of truth, and we’ll be a lot happier with each other in the process.

mycatsoundslikechewbacca asked:

Hi, so you seem super... knowledgeable (?) I don't know, you just give off vibes that say "wise." But anyways I was wondering about something & thought I should ask you: Do you know why it's so bad to be in the majority? I mean, I'm a 17 year-old girl, I tend to like guys a lot (there's been, like, 1 exception to this,) I'm cisgendered, I was diagnosed with anxiety, and I like to cosplay and read my comics and I thought that this was okay but now all sorts of people on my dash are saying (1/2)

"It’s like, I just want to be able to talk a little bit from my own viewpoint without having to worry about someone telling me I’m a cruddy human being and making me feel like poop and sad. And I don’t know how. So that’s kindof what I’m asking. (2/2") by mycatsoundslikechewbacca

First, I wanna get one thing straight with you: as a gay male, I can confidently say that there is NOTHING wrong with you, nor is there anything wrong with being in the majority as long as you are doing your best to treat others with the same kindness and respect you (and they) deserve.  You seem like a perfectly nice and kind person who has been hit with some of the shrapnel shot in all directions by some pretty toxic people out there.

Never let anyone tell you how to feel about yourself. I know what it’s like to deal with anxiety and I know how awful it feels when others are making you think you’re somehow less than human because of traits you were born with.  

Now, to Tumblr as a whole:

There’s this growing mindset (within Tumblr, at least) that if you are a white, heterosexual, cisgendered male/female your feelings are invalid because (insert list of bullshit reasons).  This is hypocritical and, on top of it all, it’s ignorant. Here is the bottom line:  

  • Being gay does not make it ok to hate straight people 
  • Being a POC does not make it ok to hate white people 
  • Being transgender does not make it ok to hate cisgender people

The classifications of gender, sexuality, and race/ethnicity are incredibly significant, but they should not be as relevant as we have made them. What should be truly relevant and what should hold actual significance is how you treat other people. I don’t care who you are or where you come from, let alone what you identify as:  If you are putting someone down simply because they are different than you, then you are just as bad as the people who are putting people down because they are gay, black, etc. etc. 

"But white, straight, cis people haven’t had to deal with the adversity we have".  Seriously? Shut the fuck up and be a decent human being. I don’t give a damn what you think a subgroup has dealt with, majority or no. Everyone fights their own battles and everyone, I mean EVERYONE deserves to be treated with kindness, respect, and as a worthwhile human being. 

anonymous asked:

How is "teaching me not to rape" promoting something harmful? 1/5 to1/4 of women are raped. Why would trying to lower those numbers via improving men's behavior be bad? Like it should be men's responsibility.

First off, those statistics have been proven time and time again to have been taken from bad science, which I strongly disapprove of.

Anyway, while the “Teach Men Not to Rape” narrative/campaign is well-meaning, it’s still unintentionally harmful because it can paint men as monsters who are incapable of controlling themselves. And maybe there’s no way to get around that, but it’s still something to stop and think about that.

A running theme I note is this implication that the reading of Naruto, loosely a ‘pro-ending’ reading, is but one among many. Yet, then someone will describe how the ending does not make sense based on their reading of the manga.

Yet, if you point out the answer to their complaints is a different interpretation, supported by the canonical ending, databooks, and so on, they instead will question that reading and insult you for suggesting it.

Despite the fact it resolves all the issues. Its a formula I do not understand.

"The ending does not make sense due to X, Y, and Z."

"Yes, but that is because X is actually A, B is actually Y, and Z is actually C. Here is 1, 2, and 3 that support this instead and mean the ending makes complete sense."

"Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man. Anyway, as I was saying, the ending doesn’t make sense."

Ah, the human mind. Will your ability of self protection and deception ever cease to amaze me?

Debates | Fabrevans

Morning sickness aside, Quinn knew without a doubt the worse part of her pregnancy was the moodiness thanks to the pregnancy hormones. One minute she felt fine, the next she felt tired or like crying. Sometimes she even felt inexplicably annoyed almost to the point of being angry. The lady in the doctors office was only one example of people she had snapped at over the course of the day, the first having been Rachel Berry at school. In her defense she would stand by the reasoning that she hated when strangers felt the need to touch her. It was annoying and who knew where their disgusting hands had been previously. Quinn swore it was almost like magic the way her baby bump had grown considerable over the past month. It was like it happened overnight. She was by no one standards huge, not even close, but there wasn’t any hiding it anymore. She had the beginnings of a belly. And even though it was clear to people she wasn’t very far along, considering she was only showing a little bit, it seemed to be an invitation for people to touch her stomach. 

It was always a ‘oh how cute’ or a ‘you must not be very far along, can you feel the baby yet?’ from one stranger or another. These days it was all that was needed to set her off before she was demanding the stranger take their hands off her. If they threw in a snarky comment about how she was too young it was game over. The middle aged women had been unlucky enough to commit both offences and even tacked on how unfair it was that her daughter and their husband had been trying for years and teenagers who shouldn’t be having kids had no problem. Quinn hadn’t been in the mood to be sympathetic. As a testament to how quick her moods could change she was immediately upset afterwards because the lady had ruined the excitement of her eighteen week check-up and finally getting to find out if their baby was a boy or a girl.

For the time being though she had settled into mood that was only slightly irritated now that she was back home with Sam, sitting around his table eating a dinner made up of sandwiches and fruit. His family having had gone out to dinner or something. Though they told them not to wait, Quinn had a sneaking suspicion they had waited around longer than they should have waiting to see if they would show up before they left. She denied it but Quinn got the impression Sam’s mother was more than a little curious as to the sex of the baby. It was probably only when his younger siblings started complaining they were hungry that they left.

"I can’t believe we’re having a girl," Quinn mused out loud still staring at the sonogram picture (that actually kind of looked like a baby now) she had laid on the table beside her plate. One of her hands resting gently on her stomach. She couldn’t help but smile at the confirmation that her initial hunch had been right. "We can finally start picking out names." She told Sam still having the urge to give their baby a proper name.


So, I’m seeing a huge debate/fan war going on in the TWD tag about Daryl and Beth’s relationship either becoming romantic or becoming brother-and-sister-like. Well, I actually had my two brothers sit down with me to watch episode 13, my younger brother is an avid TWD fan like me, my older brother doesn’t really care much for it. But, nonetheless, I got him to sit down with us and watch it (That was my 3rd time watching that episode). Throughout the whole episode, I felt giggly because I’m pretty bias when it comes down to the Bethyl ship, but my two brothers definitely aren’t since they could care less for effing romance in the show. But, what we all agreed on was that, THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT GOING IN THE DIRECTION OF BROTHER AND SISTER AS SOME PEOPLE PREDICTED OR, WELL RATHER WANTED. My older brother was actually wanting to know if they were gonna “do stuff” because he saw the tension there and he took notice of the look Daryl and Beth gave each other before the walker invasion. My younger brother, who’s a huge Daryl fan even commented saying that ‘He’s never seen Daryl look at a girl like that before, not even with Carol’. It completely shocked him. Next, I asked them if they got any hints to a brother and sister relationship and they both immediately said ‘no’. Both pretty much said and agreed that “No brother in his right mind would ever look at his sister the way Daryl looked at Beth in the dinner scene before the walker invasion”. One is a Daryl fan and one is not a fan at all and both agreed that the relationship between Beth and Daryl was in no way close to a bro and sis relationship. I also asked them about the age gap, my older brother who is 22 pretty much said this, “It’s a ZA, right? Hell, if I had a pretty girl like her by my side, I’d be damn sure to keep her by my side and always protect her. If she’s 18 like you said, then it’s fine if they take their relationship slow”. My younger brother who’s 15 said, “Daryl seems happy with her, so I don’t care as long as he’s happy”.

Conclusion, even real brothers and sisters don’t see a bro and sis relationship happening between Daryl and Beth. Now, I ain’t sayin’ all siblings out there are like my brothers and I, but personally, with my siblings we all agree brothers and sisters don’t look at each other that way. It ain’t right, because the look Daryl gave her went beyond the stare of bro and sis. You can argue a better friendship, but don’t argue with a brother and sister relationship.

¿Porque los foros duran tan poco?

Creo que esto es algo que todos vemos, y creo que la respuesta tiene dos partes, pero la principal es una sola, una que une las dos partes. Hace tiempo atrás, tiempo que parece de antaño, solo importaba la trama del foro, del diseño poco se decía, era simple y no decía mucho. ¿Que paso? Hubo un cambio, se abrieron foros y páginas donde uno podía aprender a diseñar, no digo que hayan estado mal, yo he usado esos tutoriales infinidad de veces, pero, tuvieron una consecuencia. Dejo de importar la trama del foro, empezo a importar el aspecto. Me he visto a mi misma entrar a un foro y decir, ¡Que buen diseño! e ir directamente a las búsquedas, fue una vez y a mitad de la primera búsqueda no entendí a que grupo se refería, entonces lo recordé, no había leído ni la trama ni los grupos del foro. Se me ocurrió, en ese momento, hacer una cosa, ver cuantos vistos tenía la reserva de pb, iba por el 786, ambientación 52, normas 23, descripción de grupos 64. Bueno, la reserva de pbs se ve varias veces porque ves que quien quieres usar este libre, haces la ficha, entras para hacer los registros, y cuando envías y ves que haya quedado bien, es otro visto. 52 x 3 = 156. Les dejaré las conclusiones que saque.

El mundo del rol se volvió superficial, tanta facilidad a la hora de abrir un foro, es una desventaja al final de las cuentas, porque uno se centra mas en que el foro este bonito y que no haya nada descuadrado en ningún navegador, pero no se fija si de verdad no cometió ningún error de ortografía en la historia. La culpa es de la administración que solo se preocupa por la belleza y que haya 50 usuarios en los primeros días, por su falta de responsabilidad, paciencia y compromiso. La culpa es de los usuarios por falta de interés, responsabilidad y compromiso. La culpa es de todos. Nos volvemos vagos y nos aferramos a la Ley del menor esfuerzo. Me pregunto a diario qué paso, antes me encontraba con gente que amaba escribir y compartir, que veían aburrido escribir un libro o que no se sentían capacitados. Ahora me encuentro con gente que ama diseñar, y no sabe de que va a ir el foro, pero ya tiene el diseño, que tiene una buenisima idea, pero hace el diseño y cree que ahí acaba el trabajo. Me encuentro con gente que le gusta estar en los foros de rol, pero ¿Ama escribir? Si lo único que hace es quejarse y quejarse, y cuando te das cuenta no ha escrito ni un post y no ha pasado ni por la petición para demostrar interés. Me he cruzado con gente que me dice ”ese foro es una mierda, es un grupo cerrado y tardan mil años en aceptarte la ficha”, y su ficha fue aceptada a la hora y los mensajes que tiene fueron por publicar ficha y registros. Me he cruzado con gente que critica para marcar un error, ”es racista poner un personaje canon negro”. ¿Esa gente ama escribir o ama criticar?

Confieso que soy mujer y para mi todas y todos tenemos una GG dentro nuestro, que cuando veo a alguien que me cae mal, le critico hasta como tiene atado el pelo, y si es en un foro, me paso por sus relaciones para ser enemigas. Lo confieso, a veces soy una perra con alguien porque no me cae. Criticar y destruir esta en nosotros. Dicen que antes de los tumblr no habían criticas, si las había, solo que no había un espacio para ellas. ¿A quien le gusta que le digan que no es bonito? ¿A quien le gusta recibir críticas? A mi no, y seguro si alguien dice algo de lo que estoy escribiendo voy a pensar que es un idiota, porque para mi yo tengo razón. ¿Que esta fallando ahí? La sociedad esta perdiendo el humanismo, y no solo a nivel del rol, fuera en las calles, hay personas sobradoras hasta el punto de ser asquerosas, y entraron al rol, y son administradores, quizá no tienen idea de que tienen que hacer, pero son el Rey o la Reina, y esta lleno de eso por todos lados. Personajes que metarolean para decir que le dieron una piña a otro y lo dejaron tirado en el piso llorando, sin darle la posibilidad de que el otro piense si le iba a dar un golpe o no, si lo quería. ¿Quien quiere perder en un mundo donde podemos escribir el futuro? Todos queremos ser protagonistas, todos queremos ser el mejor en la clase de pociones, el mejor medico de la ciudad, todos queremos un padre empresario y una mami rica. Mi papa es técnico, mi mama es profesora, y no tengo problemas economico, esta bien, no me puedo comprar un castillo, pero la casa donde me críe es grande y mis papas me pueden alquilar un departamento para que no tenga que trabajar y estudiar. ¿Necesite que tuvieran todo el dinero del mundo para obtenerlo? No, pero todos queremos tener la vida perfecta y la verdad es que no se puede todo.

¿Porque los foros mueren? Porque no podemos aceptar que hay alguien mejor que nosotros. No se que paso en estas fechas (casi digo vacaciones y recorde que no todos están en vacaciones), pero he visto un mínimo de ocho foros de HP (tercera generación) abrir, ya sea tumblr o foro. Me llamaron la atención dos y quise entrar, entre a uno, porque ni bien abrieron el tumblr dijeron ‘la fecha de apertura es esta, las reservas duran tanto y si tenes un problemas nos avisas y alargamos tu tiempo’. No iba a entrar a dos foros de HP de la misma fecha, del mismo tiempo, pero mantuve un ojo en los otros y me preguntaba porque no abrir uno solo. Si estas personas se conocieran, y fueran amables porque en lugar de ocho foros no abrir uno. En lugar de haber 40 usuarios en cada uno, habría ciento y algo en uno, porqué, y luego me di cuenta, jamás se podría, porque cada foro necesita un líder, uno que mueve y moviliza, el que da ordenes y manda, el que tiene la última palabra, el fundador (también llamado), el que corta el bacalao. En ocho foros hay ocho líderes, y si se unieran serían ocho personas luchando por ver quien es el mejor. Si se unieran sería un desastre.

Nos creíamos la fantasía amigos, nos llenamos la boca de orgullo mirando nuestros personajes, mirando al nerd que tiene a todas las chicas a sus pies, a la puta que es virgen, al galán que es un amor de persona. Nos creíamos lo que escribíamos, y creímos que podía pasar. Perdimos la humildad, perdimos la generocidad. No queremos ser el nerd que es una rata de laboratorio y que es un rarito, no queremos ser la puta que es puta y que se coje a todos, no queremos ser el galán que es un hueco y un insencible. Queremos serlo todo, en un solo personaje y ser el mejor. Mary Sue. Gary Sue. La débil que es fuerte. El fuerte que es débil.

No es el problema de abrir un tumblr antes o después, es una cuestión de humildad, generosidad, bondad y gratitud de ambas partes. Como administradores vemos a los usuarios que no hacen nada, que creemos que nos están copiando, como bien leí abajo. ¿Y los usuarios que son una maravilla? Aquellos que rolean, que tienen el personaje al día, que son los mejores en el personaje que llevan, que es original y que pierde batallas si dijo que era un perdedor. ¿Que pasa con ellos? Les mandamos un mp diciendo ‘Gracias’. Nunca lo hice y me arrepiento, porque he visto tantos buenos personajes con los que me gustaría volver a rolear y pienso, como no le pedí una forma para mantener el contacto. Como usuarios solo vemos lo peor de los administradores, que son lentos, que son tontos, lo que sea, pero cuando encontramos a un buen administrador, lo apresiamos. No, el flaco hace su trabajo, para qué darle gracias. Nos queremos comer el mundo, y al final solo lo destruimos, y es posible que esto que escriba se lea con los ojos y se olvide con la mente, puede que nadie lo recuerde, pero si a alguien le llega. Cierre sus ojos y piense si hay alguien a quien agradecerle, por estar ahí, por ser un buen personaje, por ser un buen admin o por intentarlo.

Me encantaría proponer una semana sin críticas y solo con elogios. Olvidemos a ese tumblr que no tiene fecha de apertura. Olvidemos a ese admin que es un idiota. Veamos, aunque sea por una vez, el vaso medio lleno. Solo por una vez. Porque la razón de que los foros mueran, es porque nos volvimos supercifiales y porque solo vemos el vaso medio vacío. Valoremos los intentos, por mas que no salgan como se deseaban. Valoremos el tiempo perdido y las buenas intenciones, que nadie va a morir si lo hacemos.

Gracias por leer, y a este tumblr por publicar.