While we’re going on about shitty AUs, how about this. AU where SBURB doesn’t happen and Dirk is raised by Dave, but Crocker Corp and the Condesce is still raising shit. Dave is, of course, spearheading a rebellion against the company but it’s dangerous and difficult work. He hides it from Dirk because, obviously, he doesn’t want his little brother involved. Of course, our Miss Condy doesn’t play by fair rules and just by being related to Dave, Dirk is involved. He’s a weakness.
Dave’s away when Dirk gets kidnapped, his memories uploaded into a machine and a very advanced android, Unit 9001, is created. He jokingly calls himself Hal and he’s programmed to take Dirk’s place. For awhile he’s programmed to gather as much information on Dave and the rebellion as possible. Get names, and shit. Then he has to take out Dave.
Dave’s nice and caring and all the memories Dirk has of him are enjoyable and that level of love kind of implants itself into Hal’s mind. He’s never had someone show him love and Dave is just full of unconditional emotional bullshit for his little brother.
Over time, Dave starts growing suspicious, though. He knows Dirk better than anyone and Dirk isn’t acting all that Dirk-like. He decides to challenge Dirk to a “friendly” strife. It’s normal, but he makes sure to pull his punches, to never hurt Dirk but this time to lands a shallow slice. A shallow slice that sparks and doesn’t bleed.
Abruptly, the happy family life Hal was enjoying comes to an end and he finds himself pinned down with a sword at his throat and Dave demanding to know where his brother is.
It would probably start out with Hal being really haughty, like, “You’ll never know,” and threatening Dave or commenting about how Dirk’s torture is going, generally being an asshole but it’s all faked bravado and Dave sees through it pretty quickly. Pulls the, “Why haven’t you killed me yet, then? Or were you starting to care.” Hits the nail on the head and Hal gets really quite and they actually end up talking and Hal admits that he really enjoyed this and how he doesn’t want to go back to the Crocker company.
It ends with them going to rescue Dirk together and Hal pretty much telling the Condesce to fuck off, he’s hacked his programming away from her control and he’s joining the rebellion.
Fuck off, mom, I like dad better.
Flips the bird.