Hussie should just do a full-on Homestuck dating sim.
You approach Eridan Ampora in the school cafeteria.
> Engage in conversation
>Give him a wedgie (blackrom)
>Give him a wedgie (platonic)
You engage him in conversation. Unfortunately, you have nothing in common, no mutual friends, and no reason to speak to him at all!
> End conversation
> Introduce yourself
> Discuss the weather
> Make out with him
Er…perhaps you didn’t hear me. You have NOTHING IN COMMON, NO MUTUAL FRIENDS, and NO REASON TO SPEAK TO HIM AT ALL, much less make out with him.
> Make out with him anyway
Not even going to introduce yourself first? Seriously, you’ve been playing this game for thirty seconds. It’s your first day at a new school, and you’re gonna walk up to the first troll kid you see and smooch them?
> Weep with shame
You are now making out with Eridan Ampora.