Wattpad Fic Series Contest (for the Daily Mail), Part 3.
a two days of intense songwriting sessions, straight fella lad Louis is
enjoying a laddy heterosexual night out at Cirque Le Blond. Er, Soir. Cinque
Le Soir. Even without is 100% not gay™ bandmates, he is clearly in good company
of yet another Mystery Blonde™.
more than one. Being a laddy lad who lads a lot and sleeps around, he is
surrounded by at least four mystery blondes™ while his bodyguard, Alberto, line
them up to get in his car.
respect the queue,” he sighs. Then he points at some brunette in the middle of
the extremely white and extremely blonde line of girls, frowning. “You’re not
shit,” she says.
cannot get in,” he shakes his head. “See,” he points the instructions, “It’s a
requirement that they must all be white, skinny and blonde,” he looks up again,
“but you’re brunette.”
is kind of discriminatory,” she complains, mumbling.
time we tried with a brunette it didn’t end well,” Alberto replies, dryly.
think,” she says, “the lack of blonde hair was the physical attribute the problem
already in the car, doesn’t hear the conversation. He is busy checking
something scribbled on his left end. “You must look engaged,” he reads.
Right, looking engaged. He can do that. He looks up at Mystery Blonde™ Number 1,
and he squints his eyes.
is is. He’s doing a great job at looking engaged.
she chips, smiling widely. Her smile is blinding. Literally. Very white. Why is
she so white. Louis’ eyes water for a second. “I’m Giuseppina from Casole Bruzio
Louis replies. “I’m in fact straight.”
looks slightly taken aback at the answer, but she doesn’t question it. Out of
the car, Alberto is still trying to manage the line of Mystery Blondes. Some of
them are complaining.
car is full,” Alberto explains, patiently. “You can’t all get in all at once.
Right now we have one girl with naturally blonde hair, one with an ombre, and
one with dyed blonde hair, so we’re, er, full. But we might need some of you
for the next night out, so please keep my email. We’ll keep in touch. Where’s
Mystery Blonde™ number 3? Mystery Blonde™ number 3? Ombre girl?”
but wait a second,” she replies, covering her face with her hand, “I think I
have some mascara in the eye, buggering hell…”
Daily Mail journalist behind him writes something on his notepad. “Blonde,” he
mumbles, “there are lots of blondes. Underline twice. Bold. Boy + girl = must
fuck.” He looks up at Mystery Blonde Number 3. “One of the blonde looks similar
to that Manchester’s girl… also, camera shy…”
have something in my eye,” she repeats. “And we don’t look alike. We are just
yes, blonde,” the Daily Mail journalist whispers, “I’d forgotten to write about
the car, Louis manages to look very engaged. Giuseppina proceeds to tell him
so. “You look very engaged with me.”
frowns. He’s slightly tipsy. “No, I’m engaged to Harry.” He blinks twice, then
adds: “No, I mean,” looks down at this hand, “I’m, uh, getting over my former
OTHER TWIN,” Alberto suggest, half-shouting, buut in a hushed-voice, like they can only do in wattpad fics, “THE OTHER TWIN!”
yeah, thanks,” Louis says, “yeah, I’m doing such a great job at getting over
(Part 1, Part 2.)