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The Signs as Dad Jokes

Aries: Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.

Taurus: Without geometry life is pointless.

Gemini: Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

Cancer: A sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says “sorry we don’t serve food here”

Leo: A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

Virgo: I fear for the calendar, it’s days are numbered.

Libra: How do you organize a space party? You planet.

Scorpio: What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk

Sagittarius: Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was outstanding in it’s field.

Capricorn: I went to buy some camouflage pants but I couldn’t find any.

Aquarius: I’m terrified of elevators, I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.

Pisces: The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

John didn’t talk until he was three. He showed signs of understanding and was taken to a lot of different specialists, and Dad Egbert read him picture books a lot. One day, Dad Egbert was reading him a picture book with the line ‘where’s the cat?’ and John pointed at the word ‘cat’ instead of the picture of a cat, yelling ‘CAT!’ as he did so.

Suggested anonymously

"I went to Disneyland for the first time for my 18th birthday with my family. I live in New Zealand so it was a really big deal for me. The only thing I wanted to do was meet the princesses, especially Ariel. I told my dad that’s what I wanted to do but he didn’t let me. He started going on how men shouldn’t like girly things and how it was stupid just to meet some girls in costumes. I will forever resent him for that because now I’m scared I’ll never get to meet them since I live so far away."