Words cannot describe how many things have changed over the past year. Things, as well as me. I haven’t been able to make sense of most events. Losses. And honestly, I don’t think I ever will. Why? Cuz before I know it, things and people will change again. And again. And again.
Just 365 days ago I had amazing people in my life. Sienna, my best friend since ever. Ashwin, my ex-boyfriend but still my friend. Bobby, a new friend. Raj, one of my best guy friends. Saba, a friend that I thought more of like a sister. Didi. And Krishna.
All those forevers and always don’t last a very long time. All the promises and secrets eventually fade away. And then you find yourself where I am, sitting on your bed, staring at some old pictures and wondering what could of been.
Sienna, you taught me to be a spaz and to be weird. You taught me that there are still innocent people in the world, even if you aren’t anymore.
Ashwin, you taught me to hope. You taught me to believe in myself and take care of myself, even if you started to tear all that down at the end.
Bobby, you taught me to enjoy my life no matter what. You taught me that giving people a chance to be in my life might just get me a good friend, even if you aren’t anymore.
Raj, you taught me to not care. You taught me to have fun and put faith in my friendships, even if I have no faith left for you anymore.
Saba, you taught me to love myself and the world around me. You taught me to be spontaneous and adventurous, even if you talk shit about me now.
Didi, you taught me to work hard, have fun, and to be this strong person I have grown up to be. You taught me to never give up and always reach for my dreams, and I love you for it all.
Krishna, you have taught me to give people chances. You taught me how to trust myself and and the people in my life, and I’ll always remember you for that.
365 days ago, I had 7. Today, I have 2.
A year ago I also pictured a lot of things happening by now that didn’t. My acceptance to UIUC. My feelings to get over Ashwin. My health issues getting resolved. My desire to be happy and to be the girl that always laughed and smiled, like I used to.
Life sucks. Life actually, really truly, blows. There’s hardly been a day in the past year where I haven’t felt sad or cried. In just 365 days, I have lost basically everyone. But I’ll always remember the positive things each person taught me and left me with. I’ll remember them for all the good.