NEW YORK — New York Police Department officers deployed Axe Body Spray against a group of crust punk protesters after what they called a “bio-chemical provocation.”

Several dozen demonstrators were hospitalized after being exposed to the men’s fragrance. Injuries vary widely based on the proximity to the blast, but early reports are indicating protestors are already suffering from side effects such as a sudden affinity toward plaid shorts, uncontrollable use of the word “bro” and a strong craving for Coors Light.