criminalmindsheadcanons

Fanfic #2

Because I have nothing to do during the day and these amuse me.
Submission #246

Garcia keeps a warm blanket and a pillow in her closet next to her little couch. Not for her but for when the team decides they need a nap in her office

"You look terrible." Garcia said frankly, looking over Morgan as he stood in the door to her office. "How long have you been awake?"

"Twenty-six hours now. Don’t worry about me, mama, I’m good for—"

"No." Garcia shook her head and pointed one bright pink fingernail to couch and got a sigh from Morgan in reply.

"Garcia, I’ve only got about thirty minutes till I have to get back." Morgan tried to keep her from going mother bear on him, but it was too late.

"I’ll wake you in twenty five. Now lay down." Garcia scolded him, opening her closet and withdrawing the pink patterned pillow and the hand-made quilt she kept stored. She handed him the pillow and once he was lying down she draped the quilt over him. "Now, are you going to sleep on your own or should I sing a lullaby?" she asked with a bright smile.

"I’m good." Morgan said, snuggling down under the quilt but he sent her a wary look anyway, "This better not be a plot that involves me waking up with nail polish on my nails again."

"Ah, take advantage of a drunk man one time and you never here the end of it."

"Um, hi." Prentiss gave a half wave as she entered Garcia’s office.

"Hello, beautiful. What brings you to the offices of power?" Garcia asked, twirling in her chair to greet the newest team member with a smile.

"Morgan sent me."

"What’s he need? He could have called." Garcia said quickly.

"Nothing. He stole my coffee, said he’s putting a ban on it and to go see you." Prentiss listed Morgan’s orders.

"Okay. How long have you been awake?"

"Thirty hours." Prentiss mumbled slightly, "Couldn’t sleep earlier and the case got us caught up. We’re waiting on reports so there’s not much we can do yet. I don’t exactly have time to run home and sleep for a bit."

"That’s why you’re here!" Garcia exclaimed, putting her headset aside and standing up. "Sit, sit!" she ordered Prentiss, pushing her backwards onto the little couch gently. "Shoes off!"

"What? Why?"

"Well, most people are uncomfortable with naps and sometimes the heels on boots leave tears in my couch." Garcia told her as she opened the closet and produced a pillow and a quilt. "So shoes off."

"Naps?" Prentiss blinked back surprise.

"Where did you think the rest of the BAU randomly disappears to sometimes?" Garcia laughed quietly, "Gideon and Hotch are the only ones who never come down here and that’s because they have their own offices if they get way tired." She placed the pillow at one end of the couch and quickly helped remove Prentiss’ shoes. Once she was laying down Garcia placed the quilt over her like always and smiled, "Next up, if you can’t sleep there’s lullabies or the option of juice boxes."

"I think I’m good." Prentiss said, well aware of how tired she was. The moment she lay down her eyes started closing on their own. She fell asleep feeling warm and safe, listening to the sounds of Garcia’s nails clicking the keys on her keyboard.

"I don’t feel good." Reid stated plainly when he entered Garcia’s office. "My head hurts and Morgan and Rossi have turned our office into a makeshift basketball court."

"Oh, my poor baby!" Garcia exclaimed, keeping her voice low as she stood up and pulled him into a hug. "Did you take anything for your head?"

"Yes. It hasn’t kicked in yet."

"It’s nap time, then."

Reid looked at his watch, “I’ve got between twenty minutes and an hour before Hotch returns or they come hunting me down to make me play as well.”

"That’s enough time for anything you took to kick in." Garcia tossed the pillow onto the couch and made Reid sit down. Within minutes his shoes, watch and tie were gone and he was snuggled under the quilt, tucked in with his left arm under the pillow. "Now, I’ve got some reports to do which means I’ll be clicking away but if it bothers you just let me know."

"Never bothers me." Reid said sleepily. "Makes me know your there." He yawned big and mumbled, already half asleep, "Makes us feel safe."

Garcia smiled and sniffled back any tears before turning back to her screens.

Submitted by mickeysam 

Submission #282

During his first few months in the FBI, Reid spent his bored free time calculating the equation to the curvature of his teammates’ backsides. As soon as he figured Hotch’s backside curve (y=-(sin(x^(1.7/6)+4)+(1/x))+10) he had a very serious conversation with Gideon, who gently explained to him that the team was not quite comfortable with Reid staring at their asses with that creepy quizzical look in his face.

Submitted by anon

Fanfic #3 Seriously, I take requests.

Oops, read it wrong. Thought it said ‘when on a case’.
Submission 220:
Garcia randomly sends the team texts or calls about what she’s doing when they’re not on a case to cheer them up.

- Day 1-

J.J. opened the new message on her phone and couldn’t hold back the laugh as they drove down the road in the rented SUV.

"What?" Morgan asked curiously from the passenger seat. They’d split into two groups, the only way they could easily travel, putting Rossi and Hotch in one car with the rest of them in the other.

"Garcia." J.J. said simply, showing the phone to Prentiss who laughed as well.

"What’d she do this time?"

J.J. cleared her throat and read out loud in her best imitation of Garcia, ” ‘I just bought wine using Morgan’s credit card, presented a fake ID and made sure to wear my work ID. New blouse obviously fits perfectly. God I love my boobs.’”

"That girl is just plain wrong." Morgan said, shaking his head but laughing all the same.

- Day 2-

Reid blinked at his phone, trying to understand why Garcia had messaged him.

"What’s wrong?" J.J. asked as he frowned at his phone.

“‘Boy Genius, return soon. New TA thinks he smarter than me; save me!’”

"Huh, new hire."

"Yeah, but what does she want me to help her?" Reid asked, clearly puzzled, "What could I do?"

"Babble insistently on a topic he wouldn’t know?"

-Day 3-

Prentiss waited, thankfully, till the locals had left the room and the door was shut before reading what she’d been sent out loud. “‘New TA is an ass. He made fun of my shoes. He must die. Come pulverize him.’”

Even Hotch smiled slightly before they got to work.

-Day 4-

"Oh, she’s fighting dirty." Morgan laughed, gesturing to his phone, “‘Went to new TA’s office, unplugged all cords and turned them backwards. Listened to him scream for two hours. Score 5-1, in favour of moi.’"

"Switching cords is dirty?" Rossi asked.

"It is when you’re a tech guy." Morgan nodded, "Didn’t you listen to her complain when Kevin messed with her chair?"

"You didn’t get the rant on Gideon either." Hotch muttered.

-Day 5-

"She’s lost it. Truelove and completely lost it." Rossi declared, shutting the door to keep from being overheard. “‘Just duct taped airhorn to underside of moron’s chair. Moment he sits down it will go off. He told me my pink hair was ‘tacky’ and ‘unprofessional.’"

"Well, at least one person will have a heart attack by time we get back." J.J. mused, tapping her nails on the table top and wondering just how hard Garcia was really trying in driving the new guy mad.

His phone buzzed again a few minutes later and he laughed. “‘Moron nearly peed himself, started screaming. I’ve locked my door and have a victory brownie.’”

"Go Garcia." Prentiss laughed.

-Day 6-

J.J. yawned, stretching in her seat as they sat on the BAU jet on the way home. Long case, hard case, and the only light at all had been the fact they’d caught the unsub, saved the last victim and had Garcia trying to make them laugh all week.

Her phone buzzed and she had to smile, speak of the devil.

She couldn’t hold back the giggles when she read it and had to hand it to Hotch to read aloud.

“‘Moron demanded I be fired. They refused since they can’t fire me due to reasons — I don’t look good in prison orange you know — and he pitched fit. Said it was me or him. They chose me. Strauss is looking to lecture me, hiding in bossman’s office. Save me, Jayje!’”

"We really can’t leave her alone, can we?" Rossi sighed, hiding a smile.

"She’s like a cat." Morgan shook his head and chuckled, "If you don’t keep her entertained she will find something to entertain herself with."

Submitted by mickeysam 

#214

After watching “Angels Take Manhattan”, Garcia covered all the statues in the building and told each member of the team how much they meant to her. Alex was very confused at the sudden affection from Garcia. It was Rossi, who had to explain to her what Whovians were and why Garcia flinched every time she saw an angel statue and why she would be emotionally incompetent for about the next week and a half.