cries-i-hope-i-make-more-this-week

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Yesterday, King Boy and I have celebrated for the first time our monthiversary - the 3d. It’s funny, it seriously feels like it’s been a lot more, but I guess that’s because since the first night we had sex, we’ve basically lived together -aehm. 

However, at lunch time I was at home watching the X-Files and he was supposed to be at work, but he called me and when I asked him where he was the doorbell rang. He had brought me a plant - for weeks I’ve been complaining about how much I was missing flowers and leaves and etc - with a little note, which said that he hoped that the plant would make the house feel more like a home. I’ve cried.

Hey guys!

Remember how last week I was basically feeling like carp and was so depressed? Well the majority of it was because of pms (damn emotions) and the rest was just life. I mean a lot of it was life too. I had so much stuff on my mind and now I don’t because on Sunday night, my boyfriend and I had a huge talk (a lot of it was arguing and just frustration). I don’t know about him but I feel a lot better about things. Yea we’re always gonna be stressing about things but now that I let it all out, I feel so much better. I have cried this week but it’s only from physical pain and being sick. I just feel so much better and I hope he does too. We’re going out tomorrow so I’m hoping that’ll give us more time to talk even though we’ll be in public. I’m just really happy about life right now and that makes me feel good.

Contempt

I found out you slept with Sam behind my back and lied to me about it. It was after I wrote you something sweet and genuine that I find out you had effectively lied to me about the texts you had received from him earlier. You lied and for him. You disgusted me. I did not want to be in the same bed as you and I didn’t want to hear anything but I didn’t want to self-destruct our dynamic for something I hoped was wrong.


But you cried when I confronted you about it. You cried because of the violation of privacy, but I think it was more about being caught red handed for being the lying bitch I found you to be. I was hurt beyond words and tears and all you could do was lie. It was your birthday though, and I somehow, against heaven and hell, managed to make it up to you and have an enjoyable one. 


But the next week was a blur. I couldn’t believe my luck, the idea of you fucking Sam again, the worst person I had ever known. I lost a little respect for you that summer, when I could barely control myself. And so, not only did you become more disgusting to me, but I became a disgusting person to myself. 


I don’t know which was worse.


You kept fucking him over the summer and I couldn’t deal with you anymore. You were the source of my pain and I don’t think that wound ever really went away. Sure, it healed and it might be a scar now, but it’s still there. 

Just laying in bed and thinking.

Look dad I made it. I know I probably didn’t make you too proud. I took the wrong road to the right destination. I did a lot better the anticipated, expected, and proclaimed by others. I think a lot of you being up in heaven looking down. I heard you prayed and repented before you left so I wonder if when angels talk about me do you smile? or do you wait for them to subject change?
At points I didn’t think I’d live to see 18 and now I’m a couple weeks out from 19. I hope I have more to go, and I hope I can make up for my mistakes.
Dad I saw my friend hold his baby today, And I cried a little because I can’t say my dad held me as a baby. I see all my friends and they can call they pops daddy and even though me and my step dad are cool it’s not the same. I hurt a lot because well you weren’t there.
I graduated dad. I passed, I didn’t think I’d finish it or make it out. I got signed dad!! I got to play man, yo pops college is crazy! I never expected any of it. Life’s lit pop! I got a bunch of stuff going on and I have a lot going on for me that are good. I’m trying to get better and be a better me, dad.

It’s just hard when at the end of the day I can’t sit and tell you. I couldn’t ask you for advice or brag about anything for you. I know I wouldn’t have been a good son to you because I know I was for moms. I caused her a lot of grief, and I made her cry a lot.
I miss you dad and I never met you. Anyways seeing as I can’t really tell you these things I’d just type it out here.

anonymous asked:

Do you miss dancing?

MORE THAN ANYTHING!!!! I honestly didn’t miss it until the first day of Worlds when one of my teacher’s sent me a photo of one of my action shots on the Worlds program book… And I cried the whole day. I miss dancing more than words can describe. I’ve tried to make time to go to class at night and I seriously am just too busy. I’m always working. I hope that eventually in the next couple of weeks (or months) my schedule calms down enough that I can try to dance at least maybe once a week. I just miss it so, so much. It’s like a part of me is missing :(

these past few days are those days where id probably be shedding tears even in public for no reasons. one after another everything feels so close to my heart as i feel so freaking sensitive on merely everything. to worsen the situation as it already is, laptop went broke few days ago and it has been almost a week. out of all times… where i need to finish and submit the assignment of my life. the term paper itself has caused me so many tense and cries and with the laptop acting up and all, makes me cry my eyeballs out even more hahahaha such a brat ugh wtv the girl gotta do what she does best meh i really hope for better days amin insyaAllah!

just1funnygirl asked:

Okay, so first: Green eyed monster was great, it was good to know what happen to Javi after Nina!!! And this Daughter one shot with Manu was so cute and fluffy and I was smiling the whole time while reading it!!! Also, isn't Ed cute puppy Sheeran amaaazing??? I love him and live? even more, ps: gabs I might love you more (it's posible?) if you write about rapha varane please :) have an amazing week and hope to read more one shots on this days (cris ronaldo please)

honestly whilst writing both of these stories i was like YOU GET A HAPPY ENDING JAVI OH MANU YOU GET A HAPPY ENDING TOO etc so yes glad i was able to make you smile!

and damn don’t even get me started on ed sheeran, can’t listen to any of his songs without bursting into a sob fest
(might be due to the fact that i’m pmsing but the fact i saw him life didn’t help on that factor)

and i added rapha to the list okay?

have a great week too C! xxxxxxx

ps: anons who wanted to read about Sergio Ramos and Alvaro Morata: added them too! :D