When I was in the seventh grade, I found out my little brother, who was 6 at the time, was raped by a family member. Clearly this did not sit well with any one of us. A lot of things happened after that day; my parents divorced, my older brother was constantly drunk or high off of something, and I was experimenting, my little brother blocked it from his memory.
Over the years, my parents got back together but never remarried, because who really wants to go through another divorce. My older brother rarely talks to any of us, he’s too busy with his own life. I am either at work, with my boyfriend, or at church because home hasn’t been home in a long time. My little brother is a freshman in high school, participating in golf, and in the Christian club, I am very proud of him because at his age I was a wreck.
Over the weekend, my parents had been drinking with a family member and some close personal friends. They walked my family member home (the relative that raped my little brother lives there). This relative that I’m speaking of is not much younger than I am and he is into so many drugs it’s unreal. He gets high in the garage and as they walked by the garage he had said something about killing them. Although I don’t think he said it in a serious matter, it became serious to my dad who ran to the garage and beyond that, I have no clue what happened other than the two of them yelling about killing each other. My mom and my great aunt who I consider my grandma, got into a fist fight. The cops were called and they visited my house after my parents left my family members house. I was at my boyfriends house the entire time this was happening and I had gotten a phone call that I needed to head home. So, my boyfriend came with me, as protection and as a shoulder to cry on because he knew I would need it. I heard the story from my moms point of view and I heard her say hurtful things about my entire family even people who had nothing to do with it. My little brother heard the entire thing and at one point, before I came home he had to chase my mom down the street because she had a gun and was on her way to shoot the person who had threatened them. A 15 year old boy having to take a gun away from his mother…let that sink in. The anger that arose inside of me felt so unreal. How could they let things get so out of hand, how could they potentially ruin their lives. The entire time, my dad was sitting at the top of our stairs and I could see the anger in his eyes, I knew he wanted to kill somebody.
I have not been able to look at my parents the same and I try to avoid them as much as possible. I know that isn’t right but the things that I heard my mom say.. they really do not sit well with me. I cried and I prayed and I only slept an hour that night. I haven’t felt safe in my own house, in my own bed. There are a lot of other things going on right now and every time I see one of my parents I begin to have panic attacks because I keep thinking they really are going to kill that person and my brother and I will not be able to be with them again.