Today I saw what in my eyes, has to be the single greatest moment ever witnessed in the history of our universe or anybody else's for that matter.
Two teenagers where being escorted by a Plastic Copper carrying a sign that they’d tried to half inch. Then as they came to a corner they both looked around and slipped inside a pub. Needless to say the community support officer was non the wiser and carried on in ignorance. I hadn’t the heart to tell him, or to stop laughing.
Rule #5-0: Feel free to ignore and antagonise community support officers at any given opportunity.
There are a few things that in light of researching (by which I mean reading a wikipedia page) I would like to mention. Firstly, as of April 2007 there was a reported 13,500 of them in England and Wales, Northern Ireland’s budget being unable to afford them(by which they mean, not retarded enough to include them). If this is the case why are they EVERYWHERE!? I’m fairly adamant that they are neither Ninjas or the Magic Bus you see in Manchester City Center, so can not be in two places at once, although I’ve not finished that wiki page yet so who knows…
And secondly, why the illumines(SP?) yellow jackets? Why are you not trying to hide them so they can catch villains, another argument in my CPOs are not Ninjas argument.
Okay, I hear you they’re so visible in order to ‘prevent’ crimes as apposed to catch those committing them. To which I rebuttal,
They have no more rights in regards to crime stopping than you, me, or your average caped vigilantly do. We can all place someone under a citizen’s arrest, which I think pretty much consists of sitting on someone and calling 999…
Ok apparently there are some fairly reasonable requirements to make a Citizen’s Arrest, my personal favorite being
“The person absconding before a constable can assume responsibility for him”
Which basically means if you see someone running away from a copper, feel free to practice your most ostentatious rugby tackle on them. (also I totally just spelled ostentatious without a spellchecker!)
So basically CPO are just normal members of the public who like to give people a piece of their mind and wait for their 15 minuets of fame. Which we see in local news papers crop up from time to time, when they actually do something.
Look at Scotland,
“I kicked a burning Terrorist so hard in the balls I tore a tendon”
That was a fricking Cabby! No need for special officers just let the public deal with the public, Also a point to my Scotland is the coolest nation on earth argument.
To this end I think that these bright yellow jackets are in fact to raise awareness, but not to deter people, just to point out that these people are for all intensive purposes, getting payed to be 'Good Citizens’.
And while the notion of being paid for being a good citizen is nice, unlike police officers who’s duty it is to act, CPOs work at their own discretion.
Ok here’s my disclaimer for this rule,
CPOs can actually do some pretty annoying things, such as taking your name and address, confiscating alcohol off you and issues fines for a number of offenses. Most of them don’t do this because, as I’ve pushed throughout this, they are regular people, but like most things you get the occasional Jobsworth (See Rule #8: People who will ruin your day) who will use and in some cases abuse their powers in order to take out their own inadequacies against you. Luckily if you contest a fine in writing they will pretty much just drop it anyway, Unluckly (for me anyway) England is the most watched Nation on earth and pretty much everything is on a camera of some sort :/
Also I guess I should say that CPOs do actually help us and that they are a valued part of the community……………