You told me one day that you swore you were going to marry me someday. I know we were sixteen and I know I shouldn’t have thought much of it, but I did. It stuck in my head for so long. You were so sure when you said it. Hell, it’s been three years and I can still picture it clearly and I can still hear the tone in your voice and I can still feel how happy you made my sixteen year old heart when you said that. You. You said it. The boy who I’d loved since I was twelve years old told me that he was going to marry me. Maybe I watched too much Boy Meets World and maybe I believed in love a little too deep at that age, but goddamn I swear the butterflies could have made me fly that night. Then, we gave up. We tossed everything we knew to the fire and let it burn. I thought I was a goner. Losing you killed me. I knew it, but all of my friends called me over dramatic and told me you were just being a teenager and I needed to get the hell over it. So, I believed them, until now. I know now that losing you was literally the hardest thing that I have ever done. I hate it, I hate to admit it so much, but it hurts worse to think about that than it does it think about losing my parents. I think maybe it’s because losing my parents was so valid, so final. They weren’t coming back, when you had a chance to - you just chose not to. That’s what hurt the most; you saying what you said that night and then completely shattering my heart and acting like you’d never known me. I thought you weren’t coming back. I really was dead set on the fact that you were gone forever. But, here you are again and here I am, hoping that this time we’ll find that someday.

What would you have liked to see but were born too late for? 


Vaudeville. So much mashing of cultures and bizarre hybrids. Delta Blues guitarists and Hawaiian artists thrown together resulting in the adoption of the slide guitar as a language we all take for granted as African American. But it was a cross pollination, like most culture. Like all cultures.

Tom Waits: True Confessions
Jason Momoa: Pictures from Topanga Canyon, Songs from the Road.

thirat atthiraride on October 29th 2014