He came back. Apparently he thought that when I said I was done with my mental illness it meant him too, no, I meant I was done with all the pain I feel when I have an episode or start feeling blue. I drew a nice picture to show him how much I appreciate him. It may sound stupid to you guys but I’m done with pushing Dean away and making him feel bad for being there when all he is trying to do is help me. I don’t care anymore if I sound crazy talking to him or about him. He’s been my friend and have changed through the years as I have. First being a nightmare, to a… Rabbit thing to be kinder. Then Spider-Man to be the hero I looked up to, then Deadpool when I had depression through the roof so he could relate to me. Then Dean Martin because I need someone I look up to but at the same time someone who can be my better self. Like… My good thought process. He’s not here to hurt me… I don’t think it labels me as schizophrenia but I am still needing an evaluation. Not because of him, but I need a steady person to talk to and maybe medication to help ease the pain and make me feel better. I hate to admit it, but I am not a happy camper all the time. Something, anything to help. Dean is one of the ways but I need something to perk me up for other people so I am not snapping all the time.

So earlier today I came back from my psychiatrist session to help cope with my mixed features bipolar disorder & night terrors and I expected the usual “ Sleep on your side “, “ Listen to calming music before bed “ or “ Eat healthier food “ things like other psychiatrists tell me but instead she told me something different

I thought I’d share it in case it can help with anyone with these problems too!

It might be a little complicated due to me not being that fantastic at English and now this tactic works, I apologize in advance.

She told me to split stuff into two; Negative and Positive

then split those two into two of each; Active and Passive

Negative: Negative things { Sadness, Depression, Anger, etc. }

Positive: Positive things { Excitement, Mania, Happiness, etc }

Active: Action { What you do based on what you’re feeling }

Passive: Emotion { What you’re feeling }

She told me to draw the night terror that kept haunting my nightmares and appearing in hallucinations. She told me to put him in the Negative ; Active section and draw the other three things that immediately came into mind to personify Negative ; Passive, Positive ; Active and Positive ; Passive

So I did and ( For those who don’t know these characters, I’ll use them as examples )

Vendetta, is in the Positive ; Active section. Why? It is because for me, whenever I draw him I am happy. I can’t just think about him and instantly be happy, I have to draw him or roleplay as in. That counts as action.

Mahogany is in the Positive ; Passive section because I don’t need to draw her to instantly be happy. Thinking about how strong she still is after all she’s been through is enough. That counts as emotion.

Vincent is in the Negative ; Active section. He is the reason for all of this and I don’t want to think of him, at all. I want to forget about him but that doesn’t work. He keeps constantly coming back and manages to make me feel scared through nightmares and hallucinations. Counts as action.

Miss Mahogany is in the Negative ; Passive section. A lot of people expected her to be in the positive section up above but whenever I start getting sad, she comes along. It’s like she’s there to help me let it all out without drawing or doing anything. Counts as emotion.

My psychiatrist then told me to make a story with these four. I asked her how this would work and why simply trying to push them behind and forgetting them wouldn’t work. She replied; 

“ Your fear has invaded your nightmares, become a night terror and is now a hallucination when you tried to forget him. He’s becoming worst the more you push him away, so, to ward him off you do the opposite. Interact with him with new guardians you can make. “

The guardian here being Vendetta ( Positive ; Active ). -but why make the other two when you can just have Vendetta, right? I asked her that and she said;

“ Without emotion there would be no action. If you weren’t feeling anything, you wouldn’t do anything. Something must be there to trigger his presence and your night terror is not enough. “

So that is why the Passive side is necessary.

Everytime I’m sad, I will always try to make myself happy, and that counts as an action so I can move from Negative ; Passive to Positive ; Active. The actives are never the starters, the passives are. The passives are there to trigger the presence of either one of the actives. That’s why they are necessary.

In the story she asked me to make, I made it that Positive ; Passive was manipulated by Negative ; Active meanwhile Positive ; Active is in a relationship with Negative ; Passive. They’re all on the polar opposites so it works.

So if the hallucinations ever appear, he will know that there will be people there to call someone to come and stop him. 

TLDR ; Create characters and a story to try and cope with your nightmares. If it helps, when my psychiatrist told me this and I was thinking of the story on my way home, I heard that dark voice at the back of my head scream “ No “ many times and just knew he was scared.

Might sound silly, but it’s worth a try. I just have a feeling this is a fun and interesting way to cope with this.

Your new to-do list:
  1. Say something nice to yourself, even if it’s as simple as “Thank you, toes, for helping me balance”
  2. Smile for 5 seconds
  3. Relax. Let your shoulders drop, loosen your jaw, roll your neck around, unclench your muscles
  4. Take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for a few seconds, then slowly let it out
  5. Say “I can handle my shit”. I don’t care if you don’t believe it. Say it just to hear what that sounds like.
  6. Do something to take care of yourself. A hot bath, paint your nails, put on an outfit you like, take a slow walk, pet an animal, etc
  7. Ask yourself how doing those things made you feel. Did that feel better or worse than your usual methods of coping? Did it make your anxiety levels any lower?

Be open to trying positive ways of changing how you feel. Don’t say something doesn’t work until you’ve tried it. Do things even when you feel you deserve worse. 

Self Care Saturday Challenge (3/13):

So this week’s challenge is to make a coping skills toolbox! Put anything you need to that will help you with coping during difficult times. If you send pictures I’ll post them to the blog to help out others who might want to do this and are not sure how to start. I’ll be making one too and will post a picture a little later! 

<3 Happy Saturday Everyone! <3 

“I was bullied severely in my younger school years.When girls would play princess,I would ask to join because I loved Disney, but they’d tell me that only pretty girls could join, because none of the princesses were"as ugly and fat"as I was .I would then go home and watch Disney movies. They were sometimes the only thing that made me happy.I saw the characters as my friends because they were always there for me.I now have severe mental illnesses and self image issues,but Disney always helps me cope.”

The card at the bottom says:

PTSD, As a Heroine

Wisdom: She is wise, with a deep understanding of how to protect herself

Ability to Turn Head 270°: She has an acute awareness of her surroundings; hypervigilance

Silent Flight: She is able to disappear and go unnoticed; dissociation

Nocturnal: She stays awake at night, fending off nightmares

Hunter: She is a strong, intelligent, and intuitive warrior

At first I thought about drawing PTSD as a monster, but then I decided to think about what it would like as a heroine instead. And she turned into this very protective guardian-owl. And I added a chrysanthemum because that’s my birth month flower, and it also apparently symbolizes compassion. Which was really fitting because I really tried to use this prompt to practice being compassionate towards myself.

I just want to let you all know of a new project I’m about to start...


Long story short, I’m gonna be reading chapter books to the internet

As for why…

Some time ago, I was talking a friend on the phone who was having a really really rough night and needed a distraction. I had no idea what to talk to them about, so I started reading them a kid’s chapter books that required very little brain power but still a distraction from their negative thoughts. Fast forward a few months, and I’m reading picture books to the internet and getting feedback about a “soothing” voice. So here I am, with a voice that sometimes comforts people, and a love of helping people and of reading books aloud. 

My goal is to post one chapter of a book once or twice a week (I’ll figure out a specific schedule later). I’m hoping to have this out there as a tool that people may be able to use if they need something to occupy their mind that doesn’t require much thinking, or want some similar non-focusing audio in the background while they do something else. Feel free to send me a message if you have any questions, concerns, suggestions, or anything else!

Just so you know, the new blog is completely separate from my main one, just in case I somehow get deleted for copyright issues

I have posted literally zero things at this point, but I’m JUST about to head over to the library to choose a book (probably gonna be Maniac Magee, but we’ll see) and I hope to have a first recording up within a few hours! Message me if you have any questions, comments, or anything else. Consider following me and maybe even boosting a bit :)

anonymous asked:

Do you guys have any tips for people who identify as agender for dealing with dysphoria? Lately people have been telling me my gender doesn't exist, and it has taken its toll. Thanks in advance. <3

Your gender is real. You are real and valid and valuable and wonderful.

Just keep reminding yourself that.

Submerge yourself in the community. Follow other agender people’s blogs, follow non-binary resource blogs, join skype networks, join groups. Make your fellows your sanctuary, so when people start trying to convince you that you’re wrong, you have somewhere to turn where everyone knows that you’re right.

-Lou the Lobster

anonymous asked:

[URGENT] my dysphoria is really bad and none of my usual coping skills are helping. do you have any tips to calm it down?

Emery says:

Start with breathing. I know it sounds hokey, I know you never think it’ll actually work, but start with breathing. In… one…. two… three…. four…. Out….one….two….three…..four….five….six. And again. In….1….2…3….4…Out…1…2…3…4…5…6… Keep going until you feel even the slightest bit more settled. 

Now, what about journaling? Sometimes it really helps me to write down all of the things inside my head, whether they’re organized or nice or weird or on four different topics or what. Just get it out onto paper, externalize it, and then you can burn it, tear it up, scribble on it, re-read it, reflect on it, or just close the notebook and move on. 

Do you like drawing or colouring? I know some of us non-artistic folks like colouring books as a way to not have to judge our own skills - just scribble away, and the lines and patterns can be sort of soothing. Other people like to draw their own things, as a way of expressing themselves. You can focus on the drawing, instead of the feelings, or even draw yourself with a body more like what you want, or draw your feelings. 

Stretching, yoga, or other light exercise can also help sometimes, but make sure you’re well rested, well fed, and safe about it if you do. 

Can you watch a movie or a TV show, especially something funny or something that will really engage and distract you from your feelings? 

Sending all my love and dysphoria-free vibes <3

Borderline Maladaptive Coping Styles

• Feels misunderstood, mistreated, or victimized.

• Blames her own failures or shortcomings on other people or circumstances; attributes her difficulties to external factors rather than accepting responsibility for her own conduct or choices.

• Gets into power struggles.

• When upset, has trouble perceiving both positive and negative qualities in the same person at the same time (e.g. may see others in black or white terms, shift suddenly from seeing someone as an angel to seeing her as a devil).

• Becomes irrational when strong emotions are stirred up; may show a significant decline from customary level of functioning.

• Has little psychological insight into her own motives, behavior, etc.

• Is unable to soothe or comfort herself without the help of another person (i.e. has difficulty regulating her own emotions).

• Tends to “catastrophize”; is prone to see her problems as disastrous, unsolvable, etc.

• Tends to hold grudges; may dwell on insults or slights for long periods.

• When distressed, tends to revert to earlier, less mature ways of coping (e.g. clinging, whining, having tantrums).

• Relationships tend to be unstable, chaotic, and rapidly changing.

Anxiety/Self Care/Stim Toy Hack: Babybel Cheese

-great to carry around for a snack because they’re sealed in wax

-appealing shape

-cheese is good for regulating blood sugar (and therefore temperature)for people with problems regulating their temperature because of physical or mental illness.

-they’re wrapped in a crinkly thing that is a great Stim-toy

-after you eat the cheese the wax coating can be rolled in a ball and used like modeling clay type Stim-toys.

-the net they come in could be added to a fancy hat. I don’t know but don’t put it in the ocean. Upcycle it. Free project.

We were just eating one of these and figured we’d share how useful this whole deal is for anxiety.

**Please Read**

Everyone is different. If you assume that everyone sees through the same eyes as you. You are wrong. Everyone has their own methods when it comes to coping. As a human being you should at least respect their coping technique. You don’t have to agree with it. But at least show some decency and respect them for what they are going through and how they’re handling it.