my departing flight for nyc was at midnight, so i got to lax around 9pm to allow myself time for a few cigarettes before checking in, time for the consumption of an edible, going through security, finding my gate, and locating the nearest bar.
my captain crunch edible consumed, i was starting to feel pretty relaxed, but knew that i smelled vaguely of weed. so i had another cigarette and then went into the nearest bathroom to do my makeup, brush my teeth, and spray on some perfume. i then made my way to the self-check in kiosk and proceeded up to security. easy peasy.
thankfully the terminal’s bar was right next to my gate so i could spend the next hour and a half letting the edible kick in and getting drunk - as you can see, but this point i am soooooooo cross faded, and i still haven’t taken the xanax or melatonin
- because i’m a horrible flyer and if i’m not passed out the second i get my seat belt fastened i’m having a panic attack the entire flight. so i fall asleep after like two, maybe three tweets, and wake up what felt like five minutes later in new york. this was my seat situation. another reason i was so glad to be heavily sedated.
I’M SIX FEET TALL I CAN’T DO THIS NO LEG ROOM SHIT.
anyway, it’s just before 8am and freezing when i arrive, and my plane was early so my ride isn’t supposed to arrive for another 30-45 minutes. so i’m sitting outside the terminal, chain smoking and rationing my precious precious coffee because, you know, i can’t get back in to get another one.
she finally shows up and we head down to philly for the day bc that’s our spot and we have plans to meet up with another friend and spend the day drinking at this AWESOME IRISH PUB WHERE THE WAITERS ARE ACTUALLY FROM IRELAND OMG EVERY TIME I GO I JUST CAN’T BECAUSE ALL I DO IS STARE AT THEM WITH GOOGLY EYES AND ASK THEM TO REPEAT THE SPECIALS LIKE TEN TIMES OVER JUST TO HEAR THEIR SEXY VOICES. i have a problem, and i’m well aware of that fact.
so we spend a few hours on the patio drinking, eating boxty, and talking fandom and stuffs. we’re finally ready to head out and come across a cigar shop on our way back to rittenhouse park where we decided to play bsg for a little while. so we stop in, pick up some cigarillo’s, and then spend a good hour trying to find a store that sold any kind of gatorade/powerade because duh, we needed our ambrosia. we finally found it, and this happened:
clockwise: me, joannafisher, funkasarusrex.
so awesome day was awesome, but it’s getting late and joanna and i still have a three hour drive back up to connecticut and caitlin has to catch her train back to hershey. we say our goodbyes, pick up our car and do a final drive by of our favorite places before getting back on the road.
now, i’ve been up for 22 hours at this point and am fading fast. i make it as far as the george washington bridge before i pass out, fighting it the whole way before joanna goes, dude, just sleep. so i did until we crossed up into connecticut. i woke up for like the last fifteen minutes of the drive because what new country THERE ARE SO MANY TREES UP HERE I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW ANYONE GETS ANYTHING DONE I WOULD JUST BE CLIMBING THEM ALL THE TIME.
but after a solid day of travel followed up by a solid day of drinking a smoking and just being generally abusive to our bodies, we get up to joanna’s apartment and i realize i look like complete shit. 22 hours, three time zones, five states, on like half an hour of sleep makes you look like this.
EXHAUSTED. i’ll skip the next few days because all we really did was sit around her apartment drinking some more and marathoning things on netflix. it’s my third - fourth? - day in connecticut and it’s time for me to say goodbye to joanna and get on the train to nyc. FUCKING TERRIFYING OMG. the train ride wasn’t so bad, but i suppose i expected something a little nicer than something that very clearly been running since the sixties, but that shit was fast and i was arriving at grand central from new haven before i knew it.
i de-train and start the most perilous part of my journey up to this point: navigating the new york city subway system. the girl i’m staying with in brooklyn had things to do in the morning but gave me directions on how to get to her place. once i had my metro card purchased and found the right platform, it wasn’t nearly as difficult as i suspected. crowded as all shit, but fairly easy to navigate. i only had to ask one person which side of the platform i needed to be on after i made the switch for the brooklyn-bound train!
brooklyn-bound train boarded and i make it there in one piece. except uh oh, i have no idea where to go now that i’m back on street level. so i call her and i’m like, “LAURA COME FIND ME I’M LOST IN WHAT LOOKS LIKE AN ABANDONED OLD WAREHOUSE DISTRICT THIS IS REALLY CREEPY AND I CLEARLY LOOK LIKE A TOURIST OMG SAVE ME”. that right there is why i could never actually live in new york. i’d love to, but i’d stick out SO BAD. ANYWAY she’s like dude, calm down, you’re just around the corner from my apartment. go one block to your left, then turn left again and walk straight two blocks. i’ll be outside waiting.
so i begin my trek, backpack cinched all the way up, phone in hand, cigarette in mouth, and my suitcase in a death grip in my hand. i finally arrive, we hug and say hello, and she orders a pizza while i hop in the shower and freshen up for this show she’s taking me to that, what do you know, kevin and kyra are going to be at.
now, at this point i should probably tell you that laura, the friend i was staying with, works for kyra’s brother rob. rob’s wife is a dancer with the nyc ballet and was having a private show with her own little dance troupe at this place called dance new amsterdam in the middle of the city; right across the street from the courthouse you always see in svu. since laura is working the show we get there a little early so she can set up, i get to meet rob and his wife, annmaria, who is an incredible dancer - also recently learned that she’s pregnant! but that’s another story entirely. they’re doing the set up and i’m watching people file in, going in and out for a cigarette a couple times before the show actually started. on my last trip up the stairs i see kyra’s mom and step-dad walk in, straight over to rob, and hug him deeply.
THEY ARE THE SWEETEST PEOPLE I HAVE EVER MET OH MY GOD MARI YOU COULD JUST EAT THEM BOTH UP.
so rob is playing bouncer at the theatre door, because that’s just who he is, the goofball, and i’m one of the first to be let in on the condition i find and reserve good seats for myself, laura, and rob - which i do, quickly. they finish up with the last of the patrons donations and make their way in themselves. i’ve been watching the door the whole time because, you know, kyra’s set to make an appearance. but she doesn’t show up until the absolute last minute. she starts talking to annmaria’s dad and he asks where her date is - she says, “oh, you know him. he can’t go anywhere without having to use the restroom. he’ll be in shortly.”
at this point laura and i were thinking she’d brought her son, travis, along, so we were both pleasantly surprised when kevin walked in and while kyra was still talking to annmaria’s dad he comes up behind her and puts his arms around her waist and kissed her neck. THEY ARE SO DISGUSTINGLY CUTE I HATE THEM.
they find their seats and the show starts. i’m not really into dance performances, but i go along with it for the sake of appearances and to remain, you know, SANE, because the bacons are sitting right behind me. it was an odd show, very much a heavily interpretative style inspired routine with a bit of ballet thrown in. show ends, we all give a standing ovation, and file out of the theatre.
laura, who has been talking to ksedg via email for some time because she’s been promoting rob and the book he’s just recently released - it wasn’t out at this time - catches kyra on her way out and introduces herself. i stay off to the side, just kind of stealing glances at kyra because if you think she’s pretty on screen you would DIE IF YOU SAW HER IN PERSON OH MY GOD SHE IS A GODDESS. but she’s so fucking tiny. like, maybe a 22 inch waist? probably smaller. definitely a 00 in american sizes. just looking at her i thought i’d break her.
but she looked gorgeous. she had on dark blue jeans with a linen, almost peasant type blouse, and killer red pumps with like a yellow bag or something, i wasn’t really paying attention to anything but that bangin’ body of hers.
but yeah, they keep talking and at this point i’ve had my fill - respectively; i didn’t want her to catch me creeping on her - and have started playing with my phone to keep myself busy while i wait for laura and kyra to finish their conversation. when out of nowhere laura grabs a hold of my forearm and pulls me over into the conversation like, “there’s someone i’d like you to meet, kyra. this is meagan, she’s visiting from los angeles and this is her first time in new york.”
and i froze. “very nice to meet you!”, i say, trying to keep myself as incheck as possible. “nice to meet you too, sweetie! i hope you’re enjoying the city! i hate to do this to you, but i have to go find my husband. thank you for coming, though! it really was nice to meet you!”
dead. done. gone. as far as i was concerned the trip couldn’t have gotten better than it was in that moment. i mean i’d been in the city all of four hours at this point and i’d already schmoozed with kyra and rob and annmaria and was on my way to meeting kevin.
laura and i walk out of the theatre and back into the lobby because she still has some stuff to do as event manager, so i find a couch and plant it until she’s done - after i’d spotted kyra and kevin talking to some people and snuck a few shots of them, trying to be as stealth as possible.
i get a text from laura a few minutes later saying “come over here, we’re leaving.” so i head to the front of the lobby where she’s just chillin’ with kyra’s mom, rob, and her other brother, nikko and his wife, gabriella. i’m sitting there just waiting for deets on what, if anything, we’re doing next. then i hear pat (kyra’s mom) go, “make a reservation somewhere! party of *counts* twelve, and go ahead and drop the sedgwick name! if that doesn’t work, honey, just use bacon - i do!”
so laura is calling around to a few places trying to find a place that will take a last minute reservation for such a large party and finally finds one a the odeon, on broadway, a couple of blocks away. the last thing i expected when i got on the train this morning was to be taken out to dinner by the sedgwick clan. like WHAT IS MY LIFE A MOVIE AM I DREAMING WHAT THE HELL IS MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.
so, you know, no big deal, we all pile into nikko’s car and drive over, check in, and wait for our table. i’m like, freaking out pretty hardcore internally at this point because again WHAT THE FUCK I AM OUT TO DINNER AT A FANCY ASS RESTAURANT WITH THE SEDGWICK CLAN.
the table is finally ready so we all take our seats. i ended up sitting across from nikko and gabriella, with laura on my left side. nikko and i start to talking, he asked why i was visiting, what i was doing with my life - standard small talk. we order our drinks and after a couple rounds we’re all loosened up enough to start talking about things you don’t usually talk about with people you’ve just met. he asked where i was from and i said ventura, but i usually just say la because everyone knows where that is. he pipes up, NO WE WERE JUST THERE FOR MY NEPHEW’S WEDDING IN OJAI!
that was sweet enough, but then he asked me what i was doing in school/work. i told him i’m studying graphic design at the art institute of hollywood and he’s like, NO WAY BRO I’M A PAINTER. so there was some bonding over that, as well.
unprovoked he started talking to me about sosie and how she’s dropped out of brown university to pursue acting and, yeah, this is where i let my fangirl finally show. i mean i’d been doing a REALLY REALLY GOOD JOB of holding it in until this point and said, “oh, yeah! i saw her in… *pretending to think about it* loverboy? was that the name of it?” he sat straight up and went, YOU SAW THAT?! and i got all sheepish and just went, “yeeeeeah. i’m kind of a big fan.” “of kevin?” he replied. “no, kyra.” i said, and got a pretty apologetic look on my face. “oh, so you saw sosie on the closer then! i still haven’t watched that show. i’m such a bad brother!”
okay THEN he asked me if i remembered the ‘smells like murder’ episode and i said of course, it’s one of my favorites. then he leans in and whispers, “do you smoke? i mean i know you smoke, i’ve seen you sneaking off for cigarettes all night. but do you smoke weed?” i said HELL YEAH BRO my roommate works at a dispensary! next time you’re in la hit me up, i’ll get you fixed up real nice.
omg this next part is the best. he starts talking about the ‘smells like murder’ episode again and was like, that was the episode where brenda found the brownies, right? i said yes, sure was. he’s like, she really wanted to get in touch with that mentality so she asked me to get her some weed and some edibles.
and my jaw. fucking. dropped. literally dropped. then he went on to tell me all about his dealer and how his entire family is basically just a giant bunch of stoners - except rob, he’s been sober for 17 years - and that kyra was actually completely faded when she shot the brownie scene with sosie.
i didn’t think she could have gotten more perfect. but she did.
we’ve been talking for hours at this point and dinner is coming to a close, but kyra’s mom isn’t ready to go home even though her husband and kids are. it’s only midnight after all, so she goes, let’s find another bar! nikko and gabriela eventually talk her out of it, but, and i don’t know how this happened, we all ended back up at k&k’s place drinking some more? i was so drunk at this point i was convinced i was dreaming because WHAT. THE FUCK. AM I DOING. IN. THEIR HOUSE. all i know i got giant, truly warm hugs from all of them, k&k, her parents, nikko, and even a kiss from gabriela.
i kind of hate that everything after that is a blur - but i do know where they live now and no matter how hard i try that is just something i’ll never forget - but i was so goddamn drunk at that point. laura stayed fairly sober because she had to get us home and when she did oh my god, the secrets about that family just came spilling out. like, for instance, k&k’s son, travis, apparently only dates transsexual women, kyra has an eating disorder and goes to OVER EATERS ANONYMOUS OF ALL FUCKING THINGS. i just. this family is so past the point of dysfunctional that they’ve looped back around to a normal modern family.
at the dinner, gabriela invited us to the launch of the new line at her boutique in fort green. cutest little neighborhood in brooklyn i saw when i was there. it’s literally what you see in movies: brownstones and cute little cafe’s and just plain adorable. so we went, had pink champagne and schmoozed with socialites and i quickly realized that this just was nooooot my scene. at one point rob went over to laura and was like, take meagan home. she’s not having fun. (in all honestly i only wanted to go on the chance that i’d see nikko again and we could talk more about art and weed) the jewelry was cute and would have gotten one of her key necklaces but i kind of wanted to eat the rest of the time i was there? so yeah. i ended up with the men who’d been dragged along with their wives in the back, behind the shop, smoking cigars.
i couldn’t have been more of a dyke if i tried, even though i was dressed super femme. ANYWAY.
there was another event the next night; rob was hosting a screening of his cousin edie’s movie ciao! manhattan to a sober living group. EXCELLENT MOVIE but it’s very hard to watch, especially when you learn at the end of the movie that edie died three months after filming wrapped. and when she’s in her little pool cave with the long brown hair it’s a little frightening how much she and sosie look alike. there was a q&a after the screening that rob hosted and to be honest, sucked at. granted, most people were asking about edie and he was young when she died so he didn’t really know her. apparently no on in the family really talks about her, either.
we spent my last two days in the city doing semi-touristy things: the natural history museum,
museum of modern art, taking the subway to random places all over the city, going to the big gay ice cream shop, and getting high on the back porch. i cooked for laura a couple of times, introduced her to miranda hart because lbr, everyone needs to know who she is.
and then, you know, i had to come home :\ BUT I CAN’T WAIT TO GO BACK BECAUSE THEY KEEP ASKING ABOUT ME AND WHEN THEY’RE GONNA SEE ME AGAIN.