i was trying to refresh my memory on this season’s episodes because of the analysis post i am currently writing, so i found the videos and was just looking quickly at each episode- i didn’t even turn the sound on- and randomly clicked around, skipping through the episodes and glancing at different screenshots in order to remember what had happened.
i got to episode 6, and i haven’t watched that in a while. back when i did watch it, i didn’t know that haru and makoto were going to separate.
i clicked and landed on a screenshot of when little kids haru and makoto were walking up to the desk that coach sasabe was behind.
as soon as i looked at that screenshot, i started crying.
and actually i don’t cry that often, i know always say “sob sob” but it’s a joke. i don’t usually cry and if i do, it’s just my eyes getting a little watery but no tears coming out. but just now i definitely cried, because… i remember how happily emotional i was when i first watched that part of the episode, but my emotions now are so different because now, i know about makoto’s sadness (which would come later in the episode) and about makoto moving away after high school. i can’t look at that happy childhood scene anymore, knowing about those two things. i cried for both of them because those two little kids had no idea they would end up separating, but i cried especially for makoto, who gave up the little toy for haru in the flashback and it was no big deal, but it’s a symbol of how in general he just does so much for haru, and yet he feels jealous of rin, and in ep6 he felt like haru was leaving him behind, and he cried. the analysis i’m writing is about how much i feel sorry for makoto, and how much even haru isn’t caring for him enough, so seeing that one little childhood screenshot- where the two were walking so close together, and where makoto was soon about to let haru have the toy- had a big impact on me and made me love sweet little angel child makoto even more…!! ;__;
that was such a weird moment for me, i cried so suddenly. well this is how much these two mean to me!