7 Days…I have never worked at something so hard in my life and at the same time made so many mistakes. This weight loss journey is kicking my butt! One day I’m on top of the world and then just one thing goes wrong and takes me off course. Sticking to my workouts has been the most challenging. I know if I don’t get to bed by 9:30/10:00 I can just count on not going in the morning; even though I know that 9 times out of 10 if I don’t go in the morning something will come up where I can’t make it at night. I’ve been pretty consistent on changing my eating habits but still only about a 95% clean eater. I struggle with portion control in my last meal. Once I leave the house everything is pre-portioned so there is no wiggle room for over eating. And yes that 5% non-clean eats is killing me especially when I don’t make it to the gym in the same day.
So this week was terrible with workouts. First I injured myself last Thursday with my leg work out. I still worked out Friday morning but by mid-morning I was feeling the pain from Thursdays leg workout. I literally stuggled with walking through Monday. So since I missed my workout no Monday of course I let Tuesday slip by, then Wednesday we had a wicked snow storm and got to bed too late to get up Thursday and since I’d stunk it up all week what was the point in getting up Friday morning…so I didn’t! See how one little obstacle turned into a HUGE snowball of events for the week.
Now lets talk about that 5% non-clean eating…so I know the key to my success is being prepared! I know that I have to fuel my body ever 3 hours but Saturday was just a mess. I ate my first meal way to late, 9:30ish, when I woke up at 7:00. Then met up with my parents to go shopping (all on an empty stomach & cooler!) around 12:30. And of course since I didn’t eat before leaving and I didn’t have any food with me where did we end up…the worst place ever…the dollar store where every conceivable snack ever made is only $1. NOT a good combination with an empty stomach and 2 kids that are just as hungry as I am. Well needless to say the dollar store got the best of me! However I do have to give myself credit for making different choices than I would have made in the same situation a year ago. I chose peanut butter pretzels instead of candy or a bag of chips that I really wanted! And no soda for me either! Unfortunately it didn’t end at the dollar store, when we got home the girls and I were obviously hungry since all we really ate were salty carbs (which made us just want more salty carbs). Since I really hadn’t prepared my food for the day to get something quick for all of us I made bean dip with my salty carb loaded tortilla chips. Geezzz!!
The crazy thing about this week is that through every dip I heard the voice telling me this is NOT a good choice, get up, go to the gym, go to bed, don’t put that in your mouth!! I can’t escape the good voice anymore (which is a good thing) because that is what has helped me make lifestyle changes over the past year. However I’m not gonna lie, sometimes I just want to say “Shut-up” as loud as I can! But then I remember nobody else hears the voice and they will think I’m losing it :) Which brings me to my next thought. Over the past year I have made drastic changes physically & mentally. Yes those around me daily have definitely taken notice to the 45lbs I’ve dropped and the new healthy habits I have adopted. But even though they see the dietary changes I’ve made and my commitment to exercise they really have no idea what a mental struggle this is for me every day, sometimes every hour of every day. I just can’t believe how hard it is to make the right choices for my health. I don’t even think twice about making the right choices when it comes to those that I love and even other areas of my own life. Like I would never steal or do drugs or any other conceivable crime and I wouldn’t waiver or even hear a voice say “No, don’t do it”, I just wouldn’t without a thought at all. So why do I struggle sooo much with the choice to not harm my body and do what I know my body needs to be healthy and beautiful?? Why is this so hard and literally painful at times? I feel like I am arguing with myself and being pulled in opposite directions. I know there are people out there that know what I mean. Like when the guy that sits next to me at work brings delicious treats every other day! Most just see me continually say “No thank you” but do they realize that for another 15 minutes I sit there thinking of reasons why maybe just this time it will be ok to “treat” myself…NO they don’t know that they just think I have great will power! NOT…I’m really dying inside. Or does my family realize just how hard it is for me to watch them snack on yummy treats or carbs after 7pm!! NO they don’t have any idea. Unfortunately they just see the times that I eat one to many bites or miss my morning workout. All I have to say is victory better taste SWEET because this journey is flat out painful!