i despise you
- Drinks all of the coffee - Claude. He’s especially groggy and grouchy in the morning, all mean and prickly, and Alois is NOT ALLOWED NEAR THE COFFEE
- Brings up adopting a pet - Alois has been begging to adopt a dog for weeks, but Claude says “You’re enough of a mess to keep around” and “I have spiders. Spiders are pets”. What a tool.
- Kills the bugs - Claude kills the bugs. One time Alois tried and he killed a spider and Claude cried for literally a whole day. So now it’s Claude’s responsibility (of course, he spares the spiders). He likes to pull off the bug’s legs one by one, or dip them into boiling water.
- Cooks the meals - Claude, obviously. Alois can’t cook for shit.
- Starts getting into holidays way before they should - Alois starts wearing sexy Halloween costumes in September. He wears oversized Christmas sweaters—and nothing else—in early November. He always tries to get Claude into the holiday spirit, but Claude is not receptive.
- Initiates the couple selfies - Alois. He jumps on Claude’s back and screams “SELFIE!!!!”. Claude knocks him off of his back and grabs the camera. “I’m not good for pictures,” he says, taking a pic of Alois. “You’re a much better model than I.”
- Forgets the birthdays and anniversaries - Claude doesn’t know and doesn’t care. “Claude, it’s a very special day today!” “Are you gonna let me do that thing in bed?” Sometimes Alois drops hints, but Claude just grunts.
- Always ends up with too much junk food after grocery shopping - Alois buys boxfuls of Marshmallow Peeps and bottles of soda and bags of gummi bears. Claude thinks it’s disgusting.
- Nicknames the other - Alois, mostly. He’ll call Claude things like “darling” and “daddy”. Sometimes, if Claude is in a certain rare mood, he’ll call Alois his “chorus boy”, “sunshine”, “baby”.
Send me a ship for this meme thing!!!