anonymous asked:

Try to talk about The Iliad while drunk... this should be fun.

I mean, I don’t know that it can really get better than the Diomedes rant or the war council giffest, but like dude. Have you READ The Iliad? I don’t know where you want me to start so here’s a summary: It’s fucking beautiful. It’s like if you found a bunch of little boys on a playground and lobotomized them, stole their brains, and then shoved them into the skulls of a bunch of adult men with money and swords and warships at their disposal. The Trojan War is literally a giant fucking game of My Dick is Bigger Than Your Dick. 

Like sure okay it starts with Menelaus being justifiably pissed at pretty-boy Paris, ultimate fuckboy, for stealing his wife. So he runs to his big brother Agamemnon crying for help and for some ludicrous reason back in the day when Helen was being auctioned off like a used car all the suitors who didn’t get chosen made a deal that if she was ever unfaithful, they’d all have to go to war together to win her back. Theoretically the whole idea was to dissuade the losers from trying to steal Helen, but it apparently never occurred to any of them that someone besides the like thirty of them might be interested in the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, so when Paris snatches Helen and smuggles her across the wine-dark sea to Troy like he’s sneaking contraband fucking Skittles into a movie theatre, these dumb dudes who wanted to marry her years ago are now contractually obligated to fight a war on Menelaus’ behalf. It’s the fucking stupidest thing in the world and it would never work except for the fact that Agamemnon and like 90% of the other Greek generals don’t really give a shit about Helen—they just want an excuse to attack and plunder Troy, like a kid who justifies beating the shit out of another kid by yelling TEACHER HE HIT ME FIRST over and over again. So they try to set sail, but the wind’s not blowing in the right fucking direction, and what is the solution? THEY MURDER AGAMEMNON’S DAUGHTER. That’s fucking right! They trick a teenager into thinking she’s about to marry Achilles and then slit her throat at the altar like she’s a fucking sheep or some shit. If you need any proof that Agamemnon wasn’t really in this whole Trojan War thing for the sake of friends and family look no further. (And YES you dumb shit this will come back to bite you because OBVIOUSLY your wife won’t be thrilled that you casually slaughtered her kid for the sake of a fucking Troy-ward breeze.)

But wow okay getting off the subject because all that shit acutally happens before The Iliad even starts. 

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The Sound of Music
1965 Film

A tuneful, heartwarming story, it is based on the real life story of the Von Trapp Family singers, one of the world’s best-known concert groups in the era immediately preceding World War II. Julie Andrews plays the role of Maria, the tomboyish postulant at an Austrian abbey who becomes a governess in the home of a widowed naval captain with seven children, played by Christopher Plummer, and brings a new love of life and music into the home.

Initial release: March 2, 1965 (USA)
Director: Robert Wise