cincinnati gothic
  • You are always twenty minutes away from everything, no matter how fast or how far you drive.
  • You can hear voices at the whispering fountains, but there’s no one on the other side. There’s no one in the museum at all. It’s dark outside. The doors are locked. How long have you been here?
  • The zoo is ruled by wild peacocks. They will demand tribute. Do not deny them their tribute.
  • It is Opening Day. You feel a deep sense of dread. What is opening? Can it ever be closed again?
  • The traffic report speaks of Ronald Reagan, the Norwood Lateral, the Big Mac Bridge, the Yawning Chasm, the Lingering Unease. Your commute may be longer than expected.
  • Eat the goetta. Do not ask what the goetta contains. Eat it. Please, for the love of god. Just eat it.
  • The cicadas are buzzing. They tangle in your hair, and your dreams are haunted by the sick crunch of a carapace beneath your boots. The buzzing grows louder.
  • The river is muddy and swollen and reflects no light. The same barge passes up and down the river ceaselessly, low in the water.
  • You peered in the windows of the Central Parkway mural once, but you do not remember what you saw. It is better this way.
  • It’s snowing. It’s raining. It’s sunny. It’s hailing. You arrive at work.
  • Free peat, everyone says. Free peat. You never knew your community was so fond of gardening.
  • You do not venture beyond the 275 loop. There is nothing for you there, only a strange rustling in the cornfields.
  • Fifty thousand people are performing the chicken dance on Fountain Square. There is no music. Everyone wears the same feathered hat and the same blank-eyed stare.
  • “Please?” someone asks you, cupping a hand to their ear. “Please?” and “Please?” again. You do not know what they want from you. You do not want to know.
  • Your car hits a pothole and is swallowed up entirely. A subterranean community takes you in and teaches you their ways. You can never return to the surface.
  • Where did you go to high school? 
  • Where did you go to high school? 
  • Where did you go to high school? 
Cincinnati Gothic

The Streetcar is coming.  The Streetcar is not coming.  The Streetcar exists in a state of quantum flux.  The Streetcar is both the deepest truth and the greatest lie.  Do not look at the Streetcar directly.

OTR is growing.  It is a cancer.  The streets crack and suppurate and bleed.  The tumors rent for $2,500 a month. 

There is a shop in Findlay Market that is always closed.  Shapes move inside, but the door is locked.  Occasionally something dark splatters on the inside of the windows.  It is artisanal and locally-grown, you are sure.

A barge floats down the river.  You do not look, you only leave a coin on your windowsill.  In the morning the coin is gone and so is your neighbor.

The President is visiting.  All the Presidents are visiting.  They beg for release, and the voters whisper, “No.”

Skyline’s secret chili recipe tastes of regret and tears.  You know where the regret is from.  You dare not ask about the tears.

Oktoberfest comes once a year.  The sacrifices come more often.  You drink your beer and pray that it’s not you, not today.  The oompa band drowns out the screams.

Attention fellow lovers of WALK THE MOON! Obviously you know the wonderful and positive affect that this band has on the world. Lately I’ve been thinking about doing something that would demonstrate how grateful I am to them. I suck at art, but I’m not shabby at making videos. If you would like to, I would love it if you could send in a video of you (and friends!) dancing, singing, or otherwise having fun to the tune of Different Colors. I chose Different Colors because it’s all about supporting everyone regardless of race, religion, gender, sexuality, or any other distinctions. WALK THE MOON has created an incredible, positive community, and I really want that to shine through in this video. I am hoping to have the video completely finished by June, so I can either give it to them at Bunbury in Cincinnati or at their show in June at the LC Pavilion in Columbus. (Boring details stuff: make sure the video is fairly high quality, shot horizontally/landscape/whatever that’s called, and try to make it as colorful and lively as possible! Extra credit if you have your face painted!) Send your videos to Thank you so much!