i was enchanted by the twisted, the chaotic, & the bizarre… i liked houses overrun with moss and decay, hair like beehives littered with broken fairy wings. and i also had all of these strange unexplainable desires and attachments to oddities. i would collect these vintage books of complex paper dolls and spend hours cutting out every little edge of bow and ribbon but never playing with them. and i would gaze at this victorian dollhouse my mother had when i was little, fascinated with the assortment of miniature china teapots and mixing spoons and velveteen bears and fire pokers and other intricately designed pieces that came with the small, wallpapered rooms. and before we lost all of our money, we had an atari, and there was something so desirable to me about the pixelated art, the 8 bit music, the gathering of potions and items, leveling up, your needs based upon meters, the monsters disappearing in a poof of glitter, smoke, and coins. but we sold that and my dollhouse and my birds and most of our upper class life when i turned nine… but i would play video games when i could at a friend’s house… and it’s strange, some games i enjoyed customizing a detailed, personalized character more than playing the game, and others i was pleasurably lost in the fantasy worlds and the complex story lines. i mostly just obsessively read books way over my grade level when we didn’t have money. i developed terrific peripheral vision so i could read as i walked between classes or to the lunchroom. other than that, i mostly ran in the woods, took naps on rocks, built little cities out of nature items, and searched for fae and ghosts (pretty sure i saw a faerie once!). or i would cut the hair short on my barbies and put them in naked, compromising situations for my other action figures to save, because i got some perverse pleasure out of that which i didn’t understand at the time. mostly though, more than anything, i longed to be part of a cult, coven, gang, club, or a tribe… and i think that stems from my desire of wanting to belong, but i think i was also attracted to the magic and adventure… and i still dream about this nightly and wake up only half remembering. and like every other kid in the 90′s, i really wanted to be an orphan or to run away from home, like all of our favorite storybook characters.
this is probably not what you were asking for, but i enjoyed this, thank you :)