• January:Another year, another Halloween to look forward to
  • February:Valentine's day? Nah. YOU KNOW WHAT'S A COOL FESTIVAL?
  • March:Easter season. Yeah u get chocolate but wherE'S THE FUN IN IT
  • April:Literally the furthest u can get from Halloween. Difficult times for all.
  • May:I'll buy a pumpkin I don't fucking care
  • June:If u start making ur costume now you'll probably save time and money tbh
  • July:Halloween preparation. Raid the candy stores
  • August:Can almost smell the Halloween
  • October:HALLOWEEN
  • November:Post-Halloween depression
  • December:Nightmare Before Christmas season
Look of the Day: Alexa Chung

Shop her subtly sexy ‘girls’ night out’ look

Alexa Chung is one of our go-to girls for style inspiration, bridging the gap between undone ease and perfect polished elegance. She knows that the key to appearing pulled together and irreverent is balance. Recently spotted at Paris Fashion Week grabbing dinner with friends Cara Delevingne and Daisy Lowe, Alexa paired a mohair camel sweater with a leather slit skirt and lace-up Bionda Castana heels. It’s simple, effortless outfits like this that remind us of her full-fledged ‘it’ girl status. Channel your inner Alexa and shop this look we love below.

Alexa Chung out and about in Paris

Alexa Chung out and about in Paris

Get Her Look

Fluffy Crew Neck Jumper

Fluffy Crew Neck Jumper

ASOS Pencil Skirt In Leather With Split Front

ASOS Pencil Skirt In Leather With Split Front

High-Heeled Snake Print Leather Sandal

High-Heeled Snake Print Leather Sandal

ASOS Knot Chain Choker Necklace

ASOS Knot Chain Choker Necklace

Kohl Pencil in Coal

Kohl Pencil in Coal

Celebrating Supernatural - 
23 Day Countdown Challenge
Day 7 - Episode 17
Theme - Dean Winchester's Journal

I am so freakin’ tired. But I can’t sleep.

I can’t focus, can’t think. Everything - in my head – has just gotten so loud…My head is pounding, my teeth are aching. I keep drinking… numb the pain, stifle the noise, but it don’t help. Can’t feel a damn thing. I’m hungry, but I can’t eat. It’s not that kind of hunger… I can’t eat because all I taste is blood.

I can’t keep doing this. I’m… I don’t even know what I am anymore.

You know, I get in the zone, I’m focused, doing everything I can to track down Abaddon, to track Metatron, to figure out how the hell I’m going to take them and Crowley out….

And then I wake up and…and I’m shaking and I’ve probably been staring at freakin’ wall for ten minutes drowning in my own head – the screaming the begging the blood Hell Alastair Cain blood the Mark the Blade Magnus Hell blood murder blood revenge blood ash the Blade guilt blood failure blood blood blood…

…I need help. I’m… I’m fuckin’ losing it.

I just… I can’t tell Sam. I can’t. I can’t take anymore anger, any more disappointment. I mean, he’s been treating me like a caged friggin animal…which, I guess I can’t blame for. I am. But I’m already off my goddamned rocker here, and I don’t think I can survive the look on his face when he figures out what this is. I don’t wanna see the judgment and the disappointment when I tell him what I think, what I feel…that I ain’t gettin’ out of this alive. I already know I’m a failure and a fuckin’ hypocrite. I don’t need the family I destroyed screaming at me with all the others and scrambling to clean up my fucking mess for me, again. I won’t allow it.

I had to do something, though. Because… It’s fuckin’ rare, but there are moments when I feel like me again. Kinda. Close enough, I guess. Just..moments when I need something other than hunger and freakin’ blood and fuck… I get lonely. And then I get fucking desperate. And next thing I know, I have the phone in my hand I’m calling fucking Crowley to fix me. To beg. To beg for the literal goddamned Blade that’s gonna kill me. Because at least the Blade and a sense of some fucking direction feeds the hunger and stops the fucking itching in my veins. At least I can think and breathe and the screaming boils down to nothing but a calming B-side.

But that’s not what I want. I need something that keeps me alive and keeps me above water until all of this shit is over. Something that numbs the pain, the fear, the sheer fucking terror…’cause that’s what it is. I’m fuckin scared and I keep getting lost and eventually, I’m not gonna come back. Not really.

So. I started calling Cas. Told him I just needed some quiet.

And the dumbass says, “Then why did call to talk to me?” Fucker actually made me laugh.

I told him I just needed hear someone talk, so…he talked. The first night he talked straight ‘til his phone died. Described freakin’ Atlantis to me. Like…from the curves of the architecture to the exact freakin’ color of the water. Pretty sure it was the same color as his eyes. Probably not, but it’s my fuckin’ imagination and I say so. Then he started to tell me about how Atlantis fell, and I had to make him stop. No destruction. Can’t deal with any fucking destruction. He never once asked me what was wrong, just talked…like I asked him to.

I started calling him every night. No questions, no explanations. He just starts talking. And he tells me about the world and his long..long friggin life. He described freakin’ Jesus. Told me about Ancient Egypt, Moses, Mesopotamia and the Nephilim… He always goes back to Ancient Babylon, though. I can hear the smile on his face through the freakin’ phone when he talks about it. And everything just goes quiet. The screaming is just a tv on the background and it’s just his voice and I feel…I dunno. Peaceful, I guess. I almost actually fell asleep a few times listening to him talk, describing freakin’ colors as angels see them. And he’s never questioned me. Not once. Just..gives me exactly what I need.

One night, I called and he started talking about Genghis Khan. But I had something else in mind. I wanted to know about Hell. I asked him to describe Hell as he saw it. To tell me about when we first met. He was quiet for a long time. And I’m pretty damned sure I stopped breathing at some point. But then he told me…everything.

And I know I was cryin’. But he just kept talking and I could hear it in his voice – desperation. He doesn’t know…but he knows. We both know and just don’t want to fuckin admit to anything because we know everything is wrong and fucked but…He just keeps talking. And I keep listening. And I feel like me again. For a few hours, at least. With him.

Cas saw the fire, and the ash, and the tears…He saw me dripping in fucking blood and filth. And Cas dragged me out of it. Cas dragged me out because he believed I deserved to be saved. And that’s never changed.

Dumb sonuvabitch.

But I’m selfish and I need to hear it. Because when Cas talks…it saves me. Every goddamned day.

This…it’s the closest I get to living anymore. And I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve him.
But I don’t have much time left. And I’m selfish enough to keep this while I can.

Every morning, the calls end the same way:


And that’s all the fucking salvation I’m ever gonna get.

Back to Episode 16