Being a Christian, a female, a college student, and impatiently waiting for your husband
Disclaimer: I am going to be extremely honest and blunt in this post. If you are offended or hurt, know that it was not my intention to make you feel that way.
In my year and a half of “higher education,” one of the things I have learned most about is my husband. The first thing he thinks of when he wakes up is Jesus…how much His Father loves him, how He saved him. He governs every decision by The Lord. He is kind; compassion always comes first…he always has love for everyone just as Christ has love for all of us. He knows he is forever a sinner, but he also knows he is forever safe and rescued. He knows his obligation to me and our family, he knows how vital his role is: to lead and to protect. How funny it is that I know these things about him but I have yet to even meet him. I have learned all those things because of all the time I’ve wasted being impatient. It has been extremely difficult to be honest with myself…Kristen - you are not going to find your husband at a party, a football game or the library. About 30% of people meet their spouse in college…take or leave that as you please.
Personally, I have the opinion that for a Christian seeking another Christian, college is just not a good environment to date. And I’m speaking in the context of a very secular college. I go to a school that focuses on academics, socializing, and athletics. I go to a school of multiple religions, multiple beliefs. It is extremely easy to get sucked into dating life here…caught up in short-term attention from a boy. It is extremely easy to be selfish, to begin to see someone on your terms, not Gods. You have fun with them, they make you laugh, they’re cuuuuuuute. What’s not to like? What’s so bad about it? I’ve gone through this cycle many times: in the back of your head, you know they’re not marriage material but you enjoy the attention so you keep pursuing it. Practically the definition of selfish. I was spending time with God and He asked me, “Does this person push you towards Me or pull you from Me? Does this person remind you that I love you more than he ever could? Do you see a Godly man when you look at him?” I cannot stress enough how hard it was to be honest with myself because I don’t want to be patient. I want to feel wanted, and loved, and pursued. And THAT! my friends, is the definition of Jesus. He wants your love, your attention…He loves you more than anyone ever will, and He pursues you daily, by the hours, and minutes and seconds. His love will fulfill your heart completely, and I know this because I’ve felt it. I think the enemy feeds into our weaknesses and our loneliness and that’s why we look for love from beings other than God, beings that can ultimately pull us from His unchanging and unfailing love. Whenever I find my heart is feeling unfulfilled or I am feeling unloved, these are my favorite reminders:
You have filled my heart with greater joy. Psalm 4:7
No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you. Joshua 1:5
The Lord will fight for you, you only need to be silent. Exodus 14:14
Ask yourself these questions: Would you rather have someone who doesn’t truly follow Christ right now? Or your Godly husband somewhere in the future? Are you willing to wait for him? Do you think it’s beneficial to your relationship with God to “date around” while you wait for the man you’ll marry? Do you think it’s a waste of time? Why or why not? Be honest with yourself. I pray you are reminded how loved you are. How human attention is momentary, but The Lords attention is forever. Another thing I realized is that it isn’t about looking at a guy and saying, “Okay, he is this, and he isn’t this. He’s like this, but he’s not like this.” You should not have a checklist. Actually you should, and the only thing on that checklist should be, “Does he love The Lord?” (And if he’s a mass murderer of course.) If you keep that at the forefront of your mind, trust that the rest of your relationship will fall into place. Luke 1:45 says, “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her.” Trust Him, He will bring you someone great, I promise. And more importantly and reliably, He promises.
An important part of this “waiting” time is to focus on you, not your future hub. Jefferson Bethke said, “It’s not about finding ‘the one,’ it’s about preparing yourself to be the one.” Take this time to truly focus on God, who is your first love. I think in the midst of all this pressure to find the perfect husband, in the midst of that selfishness, we simply forget about our relationship with Christ. Take this time to better yourself, learn more about yourself and God, spend time with Him, let yourself fall in love with Him over and over. And again, I want to stress how we want to try and stay away from checklists. Don’t say, “I have to be like this, and I can’t do this, and this.” Obviously, if you have a Heroin habit, you should probably not do that. But don’t change true and real things about yourself. Prepare yourself in a Godly way to be a Godly wife, who will support her husband, and care and love for him always. A Godly wife who will always point to Jesus, who will always remind her husband where home really is, and who will always show grace. "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears The Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30.
My last point is that it is okay to be impatient!!!!! Do people ever tell you, “You’re so young! Be patient! You have plenty of time to find a husband!” Listen to this sermon by Matt Chandler. It has forever changed what I think of our marital impatience. It’s okay to want a husband…you were made to love and be loved, to reproduce, to share life with a spouse.
Here are some other videos I really enjoy on the topic
Why Should You Date Someone? The Bethkes
Best Tip For Healthy Dating The Bethkes
Should A Christian Date A Non Christian? The Bethkes
Principles For Christian Dating Mark Driscoll
Christ Centered Relationships Francis & Lisa Chan
I hope this has done something for you ladies, (and men?) and I pray you focus on The Lord this week. I will be impatiently waiting to meet my husband in church. Or at the dentist. Or Whole Foods. As usual, my ask box is always open. Love to you!