I didn`t realize how hard it would be for me to be vulnerable with people while being on NET. I didn`t realize how much I have been guarding my heart. I`ve been finding it really hard to let go of my insecurities, my fears, and allow people to enter into the inner depths of my heart.
Being on NET, has opened up a lot of wounds in my heart. Which isn`t a bad thing. It`s just that God still has some work to do in certain areas. But it`s hard for me to go there again because I thought that I had healed from these things. I thought that I had gotten over them. And God was like, no Hunter. You are going to cry a little bit about this, you`re going to open up to people, and you`re going to open up to me. And I was like ah God, you`re so intense but you`re so right!
Okay.. so it didn`t happen quite like that, but I think you get the idea.
So I`ve been feeling a lot of things. And my brain is so packed with new information that I am just emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for a week straight. I feel a lot of pain from my past that I just don`t quite understand. I`ve been missing people that I shouldn`t miss. I`ve been missing things that I shouldn`t miss. And it`s harder than I thought it would be.
Ever since I got to training, I have been feeling a strange sense of sadness. It`s not constant, and I don`t believe it`s even mine. It`s almost like I`m feeling what other people are feeling. And it`s really hard because I just don`t understand it and I don`t particularly like it. I`m asking God why this is happening, and I`m not getting a response.
I`ve also been lacking in my prayer. I have been trying so hard to hear God, and I`m having a really hard time doing that. But there have been a lot of good things happening in my prayer as well. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and feel the need to pray for a friend of a family member, and so I do. There have been times that I just open up my Bible in prayer and find something really beautiful and it`s totally what I needed, or what someone else needed. And the most significant thing that has been going on in my prayer, is that I have been blessed with the ability to rest in the Holy Spirit. It`s so beautiful. I never felt so much peace before in my life, until I was able to rest in the Spirit. It`s truly a beautiful experience and peace just washed over my entire being. I have received some beautiful messages through it as well.
The Holy Spirit is truly doing some amazing and beautiful things in my life here at training. And I am putting my trust in the Lord that this is all going to prepare me with what I need to finally get out on the road to evangelize youth.
Please pray for me as we finish up training and leave on the 28th to begin our journey. Here is a picture of my team, I ask that you please pray for them as well.
Thank you so much, and remember that I am praying for you always.
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