oh yeah so. Last night my dad told me that it’s not healthy to cry over assignments, and that honestly took me by surprise? because that’s been my norm for as long as I can remember? and I felt pretty good about going a whole three weeks without crying over an assignment? 

so I realized that things don’t always have to be like this. But then I realized that I wasn’t ready for things not to be like this. because I don’t feel accomplished unless I’m pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into my schoolwork. Crying is how I know I’m trying hard enough. And if I can get through all of this with my mental health intact, that must mean I’m doing it wrong.

And now I’m starting to realize that that’s a pretty f’ed-up approach to school. And that it’s okay to get a B or even a C on an assignment if that means I don’t have a breakdown while doing it. And it’s okay to drop a class if that means I don’t have a breakdown while taking it. And it’s okay to not work myself to death, because I don’t have to martyr myself for my schoolwork in order to be worth something.

But old habits die hard.

anonymous said:

haru-chan, what you and makoto share is so special! you always look so natural with each other, your relationship touches me greatly, in how you understand each other, constantly support and look out for each other. makoto is reliable older brother figure who always looks after people, but i think it's only possible because of you. you've been there to protect him and give him courage, take care of him in certain aspects where he can be clumsy and helpless... you complement each other so well ;)

Anonymous said:
I hope Makoto never doubts how much you appreciate and love him. Sometimes I worry he cares for you more than you do for him, and Im sorry if that sounds insensitive. I just am so protective of Makoto. He deserves so much and yet he doubts himself and his self worth.

Hm.

Hey musical directors: when you warm us up, warm us up at least to the highest note we have to sing. If not, enjoy watching everyone strain to hit the top notes…

how’s everyone doing today?

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