oh yeah so. Last night my dad told me that it’s not healthy to cry over assignments, and that honestly took me by surprise? because that’s been my norm for as long as I can remember? and I felt pretty good about going a whole three weeks without crying over an assignment?
so I realized that things don’t always have to be like this. But then I realized that I wasn’t ready for things not to be like this. because I don’t feel accomplished unless I’m pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into my schoolwork. Crying is how I know I’m trying hard enough. And if I can get through all of this with my mental health intact, that must mean I’m doing it wrong.
And now I’m starting to realize that that’s a pretty f’ed-up approach to school. And that it’s okay to get a B or even a C on an assignment if that means I don’t have a breakdown while doing it. And it’s okay to drop a class if that means I don’t have a breakdown while taking it. And it’s okay to not work myself to death, because I don’t have to martyr myself for my schoolwork in order to be worth something.
But old habits die hard.