how emo is ur sign?????

Aries: rly emo
Taurus: the emo is strong
Gemini: emo hippies
Cancer: u wish u were emo
Leo: emo and proud
Virgo: sorta emo
Libra: classy emo
Scorpio: the most emo of all
Sagittarius: still in ur scene phase
Capricorn: hardcore emo
Aquarius: extra emo
Pisces: emo as heck

shitty things about the signs

sorry these are mean but i’m bored

Aries: really angry in confrontation 
Taurus: apathetic and always needing to be alone
Gemini: fake and often liars
Cancer: really fucking selfish and self-pitying
Leo: vain, always thinking they’re better than they are
Virgo: paranoid and somewhat judgmental
Libra: insecure and takes out problems on others
Scorpio: jealous af and acts like they’re hot shit
Sagittarius: god complex 
Capricorn: don’t understand emotions and stubborn
Aquarius: dependent and hidden
Pisces: sensitive and are never really satisfied

THE SIGNS AT A SLEEPOVER

Aries: *busts down the door* I’m here motherfuckers let the party start WHAT WHAT!

Taurus: *drops bowl of popcorn* What the shit Aries you broke the fucking door and my foOD IS ON THE FLOOR! FUCK YOU!

Gemini: *trying to get a signal* Does anybody know where Sagittarius is? I’m trying to call him but there’s no signal. *steps on popcorn*

Cancer: *to Libra* Do you like my onesie my mom got it for me when I told her I got invited to a sleepover! *giggles uncontrollably* 

Leo: *staring at Cancer from across the room* She looks like a fucking baby who invited her?

Virgo: *tapping Taurus on the shoulder* Hey I don’t want to bother you while you’re picking up your food but I was in the bathroom and your cat came in and was just starring at me and I find that hella creepy so can you maybe do something about that because-“

Libra: *smiles real big* *takes a big swig of his beer* You look great Cancer hundred percent would fuck!

Scorpio: *to Aquarius* Can you please move your butt I need some space for me, myself and I. *pushes Aquarius off the couch*  

Sagittarius: *comes in with a bottle of tequila* What the fuck happened to the door?

Capricorn: *sitting in the corner of the room trying to make up an excuse to leave*

Aquarius: Are you serious take your me, myself and I bitches somewhere else and also no one likes you!

Pisces: *whispers* I like her.

the signs as kids on the playground

aries: pushes people down the slide
taurus: makes mud pies and eats them
gemini: tries to dig a hole to china in the sandbox
cancer: falls off monkey bars and breaks arm
leo: rules the entire playground 
virgo: gets way too into their game of house
libra: sees who weighs more on the see saw
scorpio:
starts a fire using wood chips
sagittarius: is afraid of cooties and yells a lot 
capricorn: destroys everyone in swinging contests
aquarius: graffitis the playground with chalk
pisces: plays with their imaginary friend

The signs at a concert

Aries ♈️: *fights through mosh pit to get in front row*

Taurus ♉️: *buys a bunch of food and gets drunk*

Gemini ♊️: *probably on acid and tripping balls*

Cancer ♋️: *cries bc they cant believe they are seeing the band*

Leo ♌️: *screaming and dancing in mosh pit*

Virgo ♍️: *crowdsurfing*

Libra ♎️: *gets to concert three days early*

Scorpio ♏️: *finding people to make out to the songs with*

Sagittarius ♐️: *makes a whole new group of friends from strangers*

Capricorn ♑️: *buying all the band merch*

Aquarius ♒️: *tries to run on stage*

Pisces ♓️: *shouting the lyrics to every song, not running out of breath*

The signs as Lana Del Rey lyrics

Aries: Is it wrong wrong that I think it’s kinda fun when I hit you in the back of the head with a gun?
Taurus: I’ll love you till the end of time, I would wait a million years
Gemini: Relying on the kindess of strangers, tying cherry knots, smiling, doing party favors 
Cancer: I feel so alone on a friday night, can you make it feel like home if I tell you you’re mine?
Leo: It’s you that I adore, though I make the boys fall like dominoes
Virgo: Every saturday night I get dressed up to ride for you, baby
Libra: Remember how we used to party up all night? Sneaking out and looking for a taste of real life
Scorpio: Just you and me feeling the heat even when the sun goes down
Sagittarius: I spent my whole life driving in cars with boys
Capricorn: Money is the anthem of success, so before we go out: what’s your address?
Aquarius: Put my little red party dress on, everybody knows that I’m the best, I’m crazy
Pisces: He holds me in his big arms, drunk and I’m seeing stars, this is all I think of

The Signs After Being Dumped
  • Aries:"They were shitty anyway, I don't bloody need them" *goes to shooting range, does target practice on photos of them*
  • Taurus:*Lives off Mac n Cheese and chocolate for 3 weeks*
  • Gemini:*3 weeks after breakup* "But you guys, I just need to talk about it more, I mean it just doesn't make any sense.. OOH HI YOU'RE PRETTY LET'S MAKE OUT"
  • Cancer:Cries a lot, has now seen The Notebook over 100 times, probably plotting their murder as we speak.
  • Leo:"Pfff, as if, I dumped HIM"
  • Virgo:"But I mean... why? Like there has to be a logical explanation."
  • Libra:Writes too many Pro/Con lists concerning the benefits of dating ever again, ever. Relentlessly tries to improve appearance.
  • Scorpio:"Oh no... that's not a voodoo doll of them... not at all... really"
  • Sagittarius:"Let's blow this popsicle stand and road trip it, y'all."
  • Capricorn:*Doubles workload, cries self to sleep for months*
  • Aquarius:"It's fine, relationships and love are social constructs anyway"
  • Pisces:*Lights joint* "It's ok, I've really accepted it... c'est la vie *starts crying*
The Signs Pet Peeves
  • Aries:People who complain a lot, excuses, people being bossy, phoniness, uptightness, being ignored, bullies
  • Taurus:Impatience, clinginess, people being rude, excess movement
  • Gemini:dullness, slowness, authority, secrecy, criticism
  • Cancer:boasting, intrusiveness, messiness, haste decisions, being ignored, ungratefulness
  • Leo:humorless people, being ignored/avoided, complaining, disrespect, losing, stinginess, jealousy, authority
  • Virgo:messiness, crowded areas, not being answered, complaining, snobby/spoiled people, being pressured
  • Libra:being yelled at, not being able to express themselves, ultimatums, unfairness
  • Scorpio:intrusiveness, being taken advantage of, being ignored, superficiality, weakness, people not contributing, betrayal
  • Sagittarius:criticism, broken promises, boredom, clinginess, materialism
  • Capricorn:time wasting, people asking for favors, unclearness, unpredictability, people who aren't trusting, laziness, PDA
  • Aquarius:prejudice, being mocked, hypocrisy, restriction, boastful people, authority
  • Pisces:ultimatums, sarcasm, liars, ungratefulness, unkindness, surprises
The Signs at a House Party
  • Aries:Aggressively doing Jager bombs
  • Taurus:Looking for the snacks
  • Gemini:Being the chatty drunk, wondering why people keep asking him if he has blow
  • Cancer:Crying about their ex on the couch to Virgo
  • Leo:Dancing on the table, loving the fact that 15 guys have already hit on them
  • Virgo:Looking at their watch and hoping Cancer will shut up so they can get drunk
  • Libra:"I'll be there in like 20 minutes, ok, I just finished getting ready" *shows up 3 hours later*
  • Scorpio:Upstairs, having drunk hate sex with another Scorpio
  • Sagittarius:Dances aggressively, keeps disappearing to the bathroom "because they have to pee a lot"
  • Capricorn:Isn't there. Hates fun. Said "I can't come, I've got a lot of work to do."
  • Aquarius:Intently debating Israel/Palestine with anyone sober enough to keep up.
  • Pisces:Smiling serenely, lit blunt keeps falling out of their hand while they try to understand wtf Aquarius is talking about
The Signs When They're Drunk
  • Aries:Dancing on table, starting bar fight
  • Taurus:takes off their pants and/or head to bed for a nap.
  • Gemini:Social butterfly, loves everyone
  • Cancer:The two C's: crying & cuddly
  • Leo:Dramatics & confessions
  • Virgo:Excessive talking
  • Libra:"I love you guys sooooo much!"
  • Scorpio:Unpredictable, probably cornering someone to discuss the meaning of life, drunk-dialing their ex, or having sex
  • Sagittarius:Sloppy competition
  • Capricorn:Confessions
  • Aquarius:Flirting it up
  • Pisces:Having the time of their life
Zodiac Elements When Sick;

Fire Signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius) - Try to power through or deny they’re sick.

Earth Signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) - Can’t tell the difference between sick & anxiety. Always going home.

Air Signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) - *Disappears for weeks over a cold*

Water Signs (Cancer, Pisces, Scorpio) - Act as if each moment will be their last on earth.