~*~*~*sunday funday/what a wild weekend/heavy sarcasm*~*~*~
• Ayyyy even tho I only worked one day this weekend I was knackered and it was tough. I cannit talk about it really but I struggled with some stuff that was mainly beyond my control?? I think I probably need a bit of a heart to heart with my mentor but thankfully I am working with her through this week so hopefully she can give me some good support? She is very good and kind and I think a bit of therapy with her is the answer.
• Even though I am single and ACTIVELY so - i.e. I can’t get excited about boys and bail on dates - I felt a bit lonely and sorry for myself coming home last night. I think it was a mix of a) comedown after a really great time away and b) work stress and c) three months of working without a holiday and d) I have a bit of girl flu. I think I’ve learned my own limitations and that I need to take my annual leave at regularish intervals. Anyways. I was a bit flat. I was having weird thoughts about being an army of one and that people were all in pairs and I was just floating around unanchored - but then conflicting to that I really can’t be arsed to date?? I came home and felt blue, found this parcel from the love of my life my nana, sending me chocolate that I can’t eat anyways. I properly cried because I was like oh god I’m so ungrateful but so lucky, people love the bones off me, then I cried some more because my nana is a widow?? I mean she has been a widow for ten years its not news but I cried that she was sweet enough to think of me when she has her own loneliness. And cried because I hope she’s not lonely. I needed a slap or a hug I think.
• ANYWAYS. I feel much better after a sleep. I’m still perplexed about dating. I’d like to fastforward to having a boyfriend and that person to lean on and that lifestyle again but laying the foundations and finding the enthusiasm is so hard. I just can’t get motivated. I don’t know whether I need to force myself or whether this ain’t the time.
• And I called my nan today and spoke for 90 mins. She’s 91 but she is one cool lady I swear to you.
• Mood is a bit flat still and my room is still a mess and I still haven’t exercised but that’s all right. I’m not like -down- as such I’m just really low motivation right now but I know I need time out. My time out lately has been limited because overtime and because nightshift; then on my days off I was in Newcastle or in Leeds and I haven’t had a chance to just relax and catch up with myself. I feel okay really just tired and like my long to do list is a ballache and I’d rather eat sleep and watch Netflix.
• Regardless of that my eating has been on point maaaan! Yesterday eggs scrambled with almond milk with kale courgette and spring onion; today the same but as an omelette. Side of coleslaw and avocado. Bargain! I bought 5 avocados at 31p each. And they haven’t gone bad 🙌. I also made my own blue cheese salad dressing (blue cheese, Mayo, Philadelphia, stevia and water) which I am looking forward to having. And, most importantly, I roasted a whole chicken to eat this week. I roasted it upside down after a cooking tip from somebody at work and holy hell, what a great idea. It’s the nicest, softest, best cooked chicken I have EVER made. I am so proud of me 😘. Even the tough by-the-bone meat was white and tender and fell apart easily. I’m so glad that even on my worst days I am still excited about food. Greedo, womb to tomb.
• Dassit. I have signed for Yorkshire warrior and holy hell what a load of dread, but peptalks from Aby pizzafuelledduathlete Lace justlacey in particular have given me new hope. I am also going to a pole class later with boohealth and I don’t know if I’m more anxious about my legs being out or being the worst one there. Probably both 😝
Just a selection of my glamorous eats over the last few days and my face!
- veggies and tzatziki, chicken salad with homemade blue cheese salad dressing, pulled pork and sticky belly pork with salad and slaw.
- I am off now for thirteen full days. Let that sink in yo. Work was okay. The first night was worst so my mood/ability to not rage quit life has improved throughout the nights. Aaaaaah.
- Felt skinny, photographed chubby. Cannit work it out tbh. Can’t even be bothered to try. I feel like I’m eating well and consistently? My blood sugars are mainly good but I’d like to tighten that up which I should be able to do now I’m not eating through the night and sleeping through the day sleep wake/hormones fuck with insulin and sugar. Like, your insulin dose is tailored to fit the time of day but my time of day is in reverse but my insulin is not reversed?! But I think it’ll be back in sync by tomorrow.
- My only feeling is tired. Tired tired tired, bout to go sleep this off 😴😴