I'm anxious to welcome in a summer full of developing a new mind, body, and soul outlook for myself. I want this to be a summer of discovery and new adventures. I want to go places I've never been and do things I've never dared to do before. I want to have that summer fling. I want to enjoy the sun and the outdoors and just breathe in the amazing wonder that summer is.

What. Someone said something nice about my work when I won a contest at my school. 

“Each time I read this piece, I kept admiring the way the author layered the essay with description, dialogue, definitions, tension, and smart literary references (Poe and Midnight in Paris, itself a powerhouse of literary touchstones). The transitions between sections were also spot-on in this startling tale of a what-are-the-chances family secret revealed one night when revelations where the last thing on anyone’s mind. And while the secret may have led the writer to many different reactions, the limited focus of this essay reveals a keen sense of what creative nonfiction can do. It should not tell us everything, but rather, enough. Sparse language did the trick here.” Jen Hirt

I think the thing that scares me the most about this entire process of exploring my sexuality is that I might come face to face with a part of me that I don’t like at all. 

Finding myself and my sexuality isn’t noble or right, it’s vain and selfish. I just moved into an apartment with my long term boyfriend, and I choose now to explore? 

Sure this all started when I saw her, and there was a spark ignited, but he is not my boyfriend and he is not another woman so what does that mean?

I throw around terminology like pansexual and poly-amory, but maybe I’m just playing a game. I have too many cards in my hands and one day I will drop them all and lose them. 

Health

Yikes. Third UTI in a row. But I’m on the path to better health. My doctor has me on Macrobid now, and I’m supposed to take a fluconazole tablet with my last dose. That should knock out this infection once and for all. The better news is that now we’re being proactive since I’ve been taking antibiotics pretty regularly for the past six or seven months. Basically, there isn’t anything good in my system anymore, which makes me very susceptible. Yuck. So she’s also prescribed my probiotics, on top of vitamins and over the counter allergy meds. That’s a lot of pills, but hopefully not forever. I am very blessed that all of my auto-immune tests came back negative. 

Hair

So I’m pretty obsessed with my long hair. I’ve been refusing to really change it for years. But on Friday, I’m cutting a little over a foot of hair off my head. 

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE. 

Hopefully this will teach me to be less vain and attached to my physical appearance. 

Can I just be a petulant child for a few seconds?

I finally found you. After searching for so long. And everything is clicking into place. But you aren’t here and it’s killing me. I miss you so much that I dream about you every night. Dreams that are so realistic, I wake up expecting you to be asleep next to me. I am kicking myself for wasting those two years when you were here with me, but I know that I needed that time to become who I am today. 

I am falling so hard for you and I can’t stop it. I wouldn’t dare stop this. 

You aren’t here and it’s just not fair. 

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