You know what sucks? Being bullied.
Being bullied sucks.
It’s like being torn apart emotionally and physically. Day after day, being reminded that you’re not wanted, not liked, and that no one enjoys your presence. I was in a grade with only 7 girls(7 girls who hated me), and their constant mean words and actions became my everything. Their opinions became my life, I started to believe that what they thought of me, was what everyone thought of me. I saw those girls everyday so my life practically revolved around them, and there was no escape. They made me feel disgusting. They hated me, and eventually made me hate myself. They made me really believe that I wasn’t worth it, that I was ugly, stupid, worthless, repugnant, gross.
My name is Sara, I am 15 years old, and this was my situation.
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
I think this is a nice quote, however, it is not particularly accurate. What doesn’t kill you at first, makes you nervous, frightened, trembling and confused. It puts a lot of things into perspective and makes you think. It makes you scared, sad, angry….
….then it makes you stronger. No one can bounce back after an event that almost kills you and act like it was no big deal and be all “Now I’m stronger.” We wish it was like that, but it isn’t. In reality, theres an in-between period where you figure things out and work to get past it. Then at the end, we overcome the issue and realize that it made us stronger as an individual. You don’t “become stronger” overnight. It just doesn’t happen that way.
It all started in 6th grade, everyone decided one day that they hated me. I don’t know exactly how it happened, I just remember that my “best friend”, Sage, came up to me and told me that she no longer had an interest in being my friend anymore. I think at first, I was more confused than I was sad. I was confused that someone who I told everything to, someone I trusted my life with, decided she no longer wanted my friendship. After about a week of her not talking to me, and acting like I wasn’t existent, I finally realized she was serious, and that our friendship was over. The other girls soon realized what Sage was doing and decided to go along with it. Before I knew it, I found myself sitting alone at lunch, sitting alone in classes, and becoming depressed. I had always been a bubbly, happy, and outgoing girl. I was almost never sad and I always tried to make the most of things, but everything was changing. I had nothing to look forward to, days got longer, girls got meaner, and I got sadder.
School was my life, as it still is to all kids today. You go to school 5/7 days a week, so if you don’t like it, theres pretty much no escape.
At first, I thought this whole “everyone hating me” thing was just a phase, or some kind of sick joke. I figured that after about a week everything would go back to normal, or that one day Sage would come up to me and apologize for shutting me out of everything. I held on to thoughts like those, in hopes that eventually that day would come, where everything went back to normal and I had friends again. Thoughts like those kept me going. Little did I know, that day would never come, and things would only worsen.
Things got worse and worse each day. Almost all the girls teamed up with Sage, and they all ganged up on me. Sage, Abby, and Brooke were the worst. They did everything in their power that they possibly could to make my life miserable. They would “accidentally” spill their orange juice on me every single day. They would call my mole a chunk of poop glued to my face, they would criticize my hair, my voice, the grades I got, the way I walked, the way I smiled, everything. In their eyes, I couldn’t do anything that was right. I could be walking down the hallway to class and they would find a million things I was doing wrong.
I couldn’t quite comprehend the fact that I was being bullied. I was an idiot, and every time I even considered the fact that I could possibly be being bullied, I pushed the thought away. I refused to believe it. We had all learned about bullies in health class, and we watched the prevent bullying videos, but I never imagined that that would actually be me, that I would become the victim in that video. I didn’t want to believe that was my reality.
Sage, Abby, and Brooke only became meaner by the day. They would always take my textbooks, binders, and notebooks and hide them in different lockers so I would have to go and find them. They would push me off the playground balance beams, “accidentally ” spill glue in my hair, and cut the hair off my arms. They would trip me while I was walking, and throw balls at me in gym class and at recess.
I thought this was as worse as it was going to get, then the real bullying began.
I finally accepted the fact that I was being bullied the day things got physical.
The day I thought my life was over, was the day Abby slapped me in the girls bathroom. She took her pale white hand and slapped me across my right cheek. I was awestruck and completely shocked. From that day forward, I knew things would never be the same.
Sure enough, things got even worse. The next physical thing that happened was done by Abby and Brooke. I was in the girls bathroom, I thought I was alone, and I was washing my hands. I looked up and saw in the mirror’s reflection that they came up behind me. They each grabbed one of my feet and dragged me across the floor. They slapped me. They punched me. They kicked me in the stomach, the face, and the head. I was completely shocked, I didn’t even know what to say/do so I didn’t say/do anything. I just closed my eyes, laid there, limp on the floor, hysterically crying gasping to breathe as they attacked me.
At this point, life sucked. I had no reason for living. I had nothing to look forward to, and I was afraid to go to school. Nobody liked me. I was hated by everyone, when I spoke people would pretend they didn’t even hear me. I wasn’t even given the decency of respect.
The physical things only grew worse, they put poisonous acid in my water, thankfully, I was smart enough to figure out it was posion by the smell, and I didn’t drink it. I was beat up almost every day. And just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, they would have some new trick to pull on me.
Then came “the ruler thing.” Imagine what its liked to be shoved up against a wall, pried down, having two girls hold your hands and legs against a wall while another girl shoved a 12 inch ruler down your throat until you choked.
Sage and Brooke held me down.
Abby forced the ruler into my mouth and down my throat until I was coughing up blood.
Life sucked. I began looking at everything in a negative perspective, I was in a rotten mood 24/7 and I had no one to blame for this but myself. I blamed myself for everything. I thought it was my fault people hated me. I thought it was my fault I was ugly, unappreciated, ignored, walked over. It took me awhile to realize that everything would get better, it was only a matter of time.
I have only shared some of the physical things done to me, and some of the things said to me.
I told my parents I was being bullied, but I never told them any of the physical things till years later. They told the teachers but the teachers did nothing. That’s when the idea of transferring came up. I eagerly agreed to the idea and we began looking at new schools and sure enough, for 7th and 8th grade I switched to a new school. J
I loved my new school, all the girls were so kind, genuine, and welcoming. Switching was a huge relief, like a thousand pounds were lifted off my shoulders. It took me a really long time to regain my confidence, but I managed and things got better. 7th and 8th grade were two carefree years of fun. In 8th grade, I met two of my best friends today, Francesca and Valerie. I met them through an AAU soccer team, we weren’t close at first, but we eventually became great friends. I trusted both of them and told them everything and were still best friends today!
The summer before high school was when things became tense again. This time, through my cell phone. I began getting threat calls from Abby, daily.
The first time she called, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had thought everything was over. I had grown since 6th grade, became more mature, and now here she was, back again trying to ruin my life. One call turned into two, three, four, countless. Everyday she called, more than once, and said hateful, hurtful things that made me question whether life had any purpose;
“Do the world a favor. Put a gun to your head. No one would notice you were gone anyways.”
What she said worsened each time she called and this all lasted for several months. However, I was stronger and smarter than I had been in 6th grade. I wasn’t going to let her take over my life yet again.
In the midst of all this, I happened to see Brooke one day while out. I ran into her in the bathroom, ofcourse. She kicked me in the stomach, I threw up. She punched me in the face, I got a bloody nose.
I told my parents and eventually, everything got taken care of.
If it wasn’t for my friends, I would have never gotten through this, their constant support and kindness is amazing. So for any of you reading this, thanks soooooo much, cuz if it wasn’t for you, I may not even be here right now. You may see what you did to help me as not a big deal, but it was. So thanks, I love you all so so so much and you don’t understant how much I appreciate & love you.
So moral of the story, life will suck at times, you’ll feel like it’s all over, you’ll question suicide, and youll hate yourself. But you have to believe that things do get better and I’m proof :)