Well, my engagement gift to Santana didn’t last long. We woke up this morning to find the giant heart jar half empty, and Lord and Lady Tubbington surrounded by Mounds Bar wrappers. I am so disappointed in them. They ate my love for Santana, and now they’re just gonna poop it out, and I can’t exactly give that to her. Unless they’re those crispy poops like Rory the Leprechaun gave Lord T before.

  • Brittany:Yo, big tits. Are you avoiding me or what?
  • Brittany:Cause I love that I don't have to spend time with the mechanic baby, but I'm kinda scared that you threw it away into the nearest trash can and as a garbage baby, Lord Tubbington can vouch is not a life anyone wants to live.

We’ve been back here for what? A week? And I’m starting to already remember why I hate Lima. I can’t even walk home with my FIANCEE without some douche making a comment. Sorry loser, but even if I got brain damaged and suddenly decided that Ashton Kutcher was doing it more for me than Mila Kunis I’d still break your dick in half for the sake of it, because virgin ‘stache and pants that your retired nanny sew back together won’t attract anything other than celibacy vows until further notice. 

All I Want For Christmas Is You || Brittana

Pierce pulled up outside Lopez’s house, a giant grin on her face as she turned her radio off. She’d been excited about this for days now. Her and Lopez were going to spend Christmas together, and today they were going to get her place ready in preparation of it. The blonde wasn’t really sure why this was so thrilling to her. Normally she wasn’t that bothered about Christmas. But the thought of spending it with the Latina made her insides feel all gooey, and her heart thud in her chest. 

With her little pigeon chest puffed out, she got out of the car and made her way to Lopez’s front door, knocking loudly. “Ho ho ho! Mrs. Clause is here, so open the door!” Pierce pulled the Santa hat out of her back pocket, putting it on her head. She didn’t care that she looked like a total dork right now, all she cared about was making this the best Christmas possible for Lopez.

Good morning interwebs,

So, here’s a bit of exciting news for anyone interested in the wedding (which you should all be). My mom has found us the perfect wedding venue in Indiana, where it’s totally legal to wife up your lesbian lover.

I suppose you could say that I actually found it first, if you want the deets, ‘cause I decided I wanted to be born ASAP and my mom had to squat and pop in the nearest place which luckily, was a pretty awesome looking barn.

If anyone wants to come and help us set up tomorrow, that would be awesome. There’s plenty of time… Right?

Private Brittana

What are we going to do about Karla? I mean she even apologized for being pissed at me about the whole scenario she’s only doing that because she’s doing the same thing, ruining a family. Did I like influence her to do something like this?

Baby the reason why I made the desserts yesterday, and put them into containers is so it would be a surprise.. Stop trying to peek in and smell them and move them around the fridge under the guise of getting something out! You’ll find out after the main course silly, now come on those potatoes wont peel themselves. Turkey is in the oven. We’re gonna have Turkey for daaaaaaays!

  • S:I hate valentines day. It's just another reminder that I'm a terrible person cause I can't stop thinking about you, even when I'm with Dani. And I know it's stupid and awful, but I have so many things to say, things I never got the chance to tell you. Fuck. I bet they're all the same kinds of things that Sam get's to tell you everyday now you're shacking up. [backspaced]
  • S:Hey, so there's a really cute duck pond at the back of this restaurant Dani found, she didn't appreciate it much but I know you would. You should get Sam to bring you some time.
  • S:I hope I'm totally not interrupting anything between you guys, and if I am, well my bad.

I think I’m gonna start the process of scraping my ears off with rusted forks now to prepare myself for whatever the fuck Hillard thinks she’s doing with Wicked. It’s like subjecting us to a musical wasn’t enough - no, no, they had to pick the most insufferable one other than that shitshow about cats. And that’s totally ignoring that I have to live with the chick who’s gonna be shrieking those cruddy songs out on the stage. I swear to God, if I hear Berry gets any green goop on my side of the bathroom, I will go on a warpath.