brickhomes

  • Do something like jerk off in public
  • Joe
  • 03.29.12
Play
do something like jerk off in public | joseph chiccarelli

we’re fucking different we promise
we don’t let you down we swear we promise we never let you down
we have signs and we have petitions and we have pens
look at these pens
check out our pens
look at my pen
take my pen
sign this
give me your name
i’ll pray for you tonight
watch this video
watch my video
watch me fucking my spouse on this video sign my petition
sign this
love this
watch my video
we are changing the world
post this
take this and repost it please love it love me sign this
post it
post it again
change your profile photo
look at yourself
look at how active you are
post the video of me fucking my spouse
we’re changing the scheme of everything
we’re winning
post it

fucking post it
you don’t care if you don’t

you killed someone
stopping reading
post it
do something

do something
go out and do something

you were told that you’re hideous and you believed it
we’ll go back to your age 10
and change your role models
or remove them entirely
we could clone you
we’ll stretch you out
as far as your eye can see
tallest building in the world
so you can only look up to yourself
 

  • It doesn't need to end here, there's so much left of this path
  • Joe
  • 03.29.12
Play

it doesn’t need to end here, there is so much left of this path | joseph chiccarelli

I WENT FOR A WALK TODAY
NOTHING BIG
NOTHING GRAND
A LITTLE STROLL, I GUESS
I SWEAT AND I SWEAT THOUGH
I KEPT WALKING
HOPING I’D SEE YOU
IT’S REALLY THE ONLY REASON I LEAVE MY HOUSE, REALLY
I KEPT LOOKING AT THE GROUND
HOPING I’D RUN INTO SOMETHING
OR SOMETHING WOULD RUN INTO ME
MAYBE YOUR CAR
DO YOU HAVE A CAR? 
GET ONE
LOOK FOR ME WALKING OR ON MY BIKE
AND RAM ME INTO A WALL
MAKE SURE YOU’RE DRIVING FAST 
TOTAL MY BIKE, MAKE SURE YOU TOTAL MY BIKE
IT’S HOW I GET TO WORK 
PIN ME LITERALLY BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE
MAKE MY LEGS BREAK
I ONLY LEAVE MY HOUSE
IN HOPES THAT YOU’LL HIT ME WITH A CAR
THAT YOU MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE
GO GET ONE
I’LL BE WAITING
I’LL BE ON YORKTOWN AND MAGNOLIA
I LIKE THAT INTERSECTION 
READ THIS AND GET A CAR
AND FUCKING SLAM INTO ME
I’LL MAKE SURE TO BE SEATED ON MY BIKE
AND I DON’T WEAR A HELMET
SO THAT’S A PLUS 

there’s nothing in common
we’ll be distant together
we’ll make jokes and look at our feet
i’ll stay jealous of the next one
i’ll stay bitter with myself
the pattern will repeat
and i’ll keep staring at the floor
i’ll keep running my hands through my hair
i’ll stretch and turn over the bracelet on my wrist
i’ll crack my knuckles
i wont talk much
i wouldn’t be able to if i really wanted to
i put myself in these holes
i can only blame myself
i’ll keep getting smiles
and “i miss you’s”
and i’ll keep digging.
and digging. 

Vincent van Gogh didn’t write a suicide note
he wrote two letters to his brother
and on an afternoon
walked out into a field
and shot himself in the chest
and maybe for his final act of misery
held on for a little while longer
walked back to his room at the inn
smoked his pipe
and suffered for two days
in the hands of one of the people
he loved the most
let this be a record
on how to make one feel
all the burdens of one’s life 

i am ancient

i’m not wondering because i already know
i can tell time and predict the direction the wind blows
i can perceive distance and growing
i can watch trees grow because i am a lifetime
i can enter the void of time and space
and collect dust

from the beginning of us

i know the end of you 
i know the end of your hair, and your fidgeting fingers
and bursts of anger
i can watch from a short distance the houses shifting and earth settling
and you move far away
and i sit 
and play with the dust

from the beginning of us

discount stores

i hope you outgrow all of the clothes i purchased for you
i hope that when you find them in your room and and remember where and how you got them
and uh
i hope you feel sick to your stomach
really
you should donate them back to the stores i bought them from
tell them
"he writes poetry about me, this shit weirds me out"
i’m sure they’ll understand 

i don’t want you to come back to me
because i don’t think
i ever wanted what we
had
to begin with
but i hope you’re well
and i hope i didn’t leave a scar
but i know it’s ok if you hate me 

Turn

Do you have what it takes to tell your best friend
that they are full of shit?
Do you have the strength to admit that you’ve used people
whose only crime was caring about you?
Do you write in the dark?
Are you afraid of what you’ve become,
where you are,
where you’re going?
How often are you sure of anything other than the feeling of contempt?

i am making a galaxy
you’re the center
make up the star dust
make up the map
take up the space
you’re not the center
you’re the galaxy
every inch
every space of light and time
every length and depth and weight
the stuff of space
meteors
commits
dying star
i made the rules
you occupy it
i created
you fill
no void
no black hole
you are all life in this space
no death
a dying star that keeps dying
 

I have stumbled onto a path and I don’t know where this leads but it is light and it is paved and I know this I know it
I know this I know it
it’s familiar i taste it
i see this and i see me i’m ahead of me and i am walking
but i am stumbling to reach me
i yell at me and i curse
fuck your dirt and clay and your shit i am tired of it you come back now here stop walking you fuck
but i keep walking
and i keep watching
where the fuck are you going 

figuring this out

I BOUGHT SOME TAPE TODAY.
I WANT YOU TO TAKE IT TO MY MOUTH
AND STRETCH IT OVER MY HAIR.
GET AS MUCH HAIR AS YOU CAN COVER.
TAPE MY HANDS AND FEET
AND PULL MY SHIRT OFF
(YOU KNOW HOW SELF CONSCIOUS I AM)
AND LEAVE ME IN A CROWDED ROOM
FULL OF EVERYONE WE KNOW
AND LOOK AT ME
AND FUCKING LAUGH
AND TELL ME EVERYTHING I KNOW YOU SAY WHEN I’M NOT AROUND.
TELL ME I’M A FREAK.
AND A WASTE OF TIME.
AND TELL ME THAT I FOLLOW YOU AROUND.
IT WILL DO ME GOOD,
I NEED TO HEAR IT.
WE ALL KNOW IT’S TRUE.
LAUGH AT HOW PATHETIC I AM
AND CALL ME FUCKING NAMES.
I ALREADY KNOW WHY I AM ALONE
BUT IT HURTS TO HEAR IT AGAIN,
SO TELL ME .

you know,
i will leave if you want me to
i can do you that much
of a favor
i don’t see how much else
i could be of use to you now
maybe
(if you had the interest)
lay down in front of your house
as a door mat 

i bet i can make a good door mat


i was a waste of time
i am something that happened once, a long time ago
something regrettable
something you move on from
something i don’t move on from 

this is the last i’ll
ever see of your face, this time i am sure

swallow fucking deep

sigh and yawn my day away
curl up and sleep my night away

rise up and wish the sun away
then beg it to move faster
so i may once again curl up
face burried
repeat and repeat and repeat

swallow fucking deep
and forget it 

In lost loves I drown

You sat on the couch in my sitting room
And you wore a lace dress it was soft and it was thin and you asked me
If i was turned on
You wore nothing underneath and I was hiding nothing
And you asked me if I wanted to know what you feel like
If I want to touch you
If I want to taste you
If I want to be with you
If…
Through the dress your body is a deep, dark green like the ocean stared at from above
You rubbed yourself through the dress leaving moisture on the material
Floated up as you arched your back and looked at me and I was hiding nothing
Your skin is ashen white and your breasts are small they are rounded pointed towards your collar bone which is prominent and deep
You’re so thin
Your nipples are the color of newly born roses
I’m sure all of you is soft
I took you to my room and I showed you my childhood toys I had long forgotten

and I woke up

left your city and your life

i don’t blame you
if i had met me
and fucked me
i would never want to see my face ever again either

i’d put as much distance between me and myself as humanly possible
send me packages of all my shit back
redecorate my room because i know how much i liked how it looked
switch to a different shampoo and conditioner because i loved how my hair felt
different brand of condoms
new taste in music
new shoes
 

well it isn't really "the woods" per se

it’s like
i want to say all this stuff
this silly sad stuff
to you
and love you
with this sad silly stuff
make love with this sad silly stuff
but this sad silly stuff has been holding me back
i feel stagnate
like that pond in the park that we never went to
i thought maybe it would have been nice if we did
but i was always worried you wouldn’t be able
to hold onto those plans
maybe being stuck in woods with me is scary
or sad or silly
but i’ve already written you off
and i don’t think i’ll be hearing from you
so this is an essay or a letter
but i’ll be hanging around
writing the same poem for you and others over and over
the same poem over and over 
maybe some day i’ll walk away and say goodbye to everyone
maybe one day i’ll be good on my own
but it’s all sad and silly and scary
too scary to be alone