nail polish immaculate,
winged eyeliner perfect,
outfit on point.
‘don’t look, don’t look.
let him see you first.’
you may have moved on,
but my goal will always be
to make you glance at me,
do a double take,
and think,
‘wow, i screwed up.’
then maybe,
just maybe,
i’ll be okay.
—  j.e.b. ((i’m going to make you miss me.))
You need to find happiness in other things, in other people. I know it’s not what you think and I highly doubt it’s what you want to hear, but you need to move on.
I know that when you met him, you thought he was the one.
I know that when you got close to him, you wanted to be with him forever.
And I know that when you said goodbye you knew it couldn’t have been the last, that it’s not the same without him, that you think you need his touch and his kiss and his voice.
I also know that you’re forgetting who he really was. How he acted in his darkest times. Not just how he really was, but how he was towards you and others. I know you think being with him is what you need, and that you love him, and that you’ll never get over him but you can’t keep doing this to yourself. You can’t keep building your walls up again and again just to watch them crumble all over again, becoming weaker and weaker each time it happens.
—  you can’t keep disturbing something that should just be put to rest.
I got jealous and you still stuck by me. I was clingy and you still loved me;
You were my first kiss and I don’t regret it at all. I can’t think how it could’ve been more special. And I just love you so much, even though it hasn’t been that long, but those moments that you kissed me and hugged me and even smiled made me feel so amazing;
I remember on the van ride to the beach when you told me I was pretty without makeup. When you would tease me about how much I would blush when we were together. You holding my hand and having to hide it in between the seats so your little sister didn’t see. When we were in the closet supposed to be kissing but we couldn’t stop laughing;
There’s still so many moments that maybe you don’t even know mean so much to me. When you would look at me and I would look at you. When you would smile. When you would laugh. The way you made my heart beat faster than it ever had before;
I love you so much for all that you did for me. But I love you for you too. Your smile, your eagerness, your humor, your eyes, your kisses, your laugh, your voice. You. I love you.
—  excerpts from the text I wrote but never sent. August 16, 2014. (A.G.)

"I just look at you and all I can see is the person who left me seven months ago," she rasped, trying to hold herself together. Although he could clearly see how distraught she was, he didn’t try to come closer to reconcile her. He was always so distant, how could she have forgotten? What else did she forget about him while he was gone? What else did she let slip away?

"I don’t see someone who’s trying to fix what they broke. I don’t see someone who’s trying to get himself back together."

His eyes grew hard, “Then what do you see? I came back to make things alright again and you can’t even see that. I’m trying to fix this for you, because even though it might not have seemed like you mattered to me, you did. God, you do.”

She didn’t even bother to blink at what he had just confessed, “All I see is someone who left everyone that cared about him behind, and that person who left? That person didn’t come back and they won’t. It’s never the same person that comes back. I lost you the minute you were gone. And I think I’ve finally learned to accept it.”

—  You’ve turned into someone else.
I think I did love him” she whispered under her falling tears
“It’s been months and I think of him everyday. Sometimes I’m enraged at him for what he did and sometimes I’m thankful that he at least came into my life and gave me hope again.” 
She looked out the window and stared at the rain that fell in synch with her tears 
“It was the best thing I ever felt. I think that was love.
—  It was the closest I felt to love (via @misguided-paradox)