you can’t tell her you left me
because I was unfeeling.
you can’t call me out to all your friends
and act like I was not enough.
you can’t pretend that it wasn’t you,
curled up on your bed at three am,
wondering how you could have
done something so wrong
that the one pure thing you had,
the one person who stood by you
through so many of your ups and downs,
couldn’t stand it anymore.
don’t pretend like I didn’t mean something
when you know I still mean the world.

Ashton Irwin imagine: Night Out

The day had finally arrived. Ashton was finally coming back home from tour after a long six months which meant that you were finally going to see him. You missed him so much. You missed his scent, his smile and his loud giggle, the way you two would cuddle on your bed watching movies and just talk about what interesting things he did during tour with the guys. You were so excited and super nervous because you had spent basically the whole day cooking and cleaning and preparing the house for his arrival, you even pampered yourself a bit. And now at that moment you were just waiting for him to finally walk through the door. You couldn’t wait for the moment to see him and run into his awaiting arms. God how you missed his hugs and the way he kissed you. But it was 9:50, he should be home any minute. You were starting to panic because it has been so long since you have last seen him.
You started to think of the amazing things you guys did together before he went on this long trip, especially the last day how you and him did any spontaneous thing just to make it a memory and give you guys something to think about when you missed each other. 10:00 P.M. Okay, maybe his plane was coming in late or maybe Ashton missed his cab to get home as usual he probably got too caught up talking to the guys and saying his goodbyes to them. You checked the clock to see what time it was and it read 10:30. That’s weird he should be home by now. But Ashton would call you if something was wrong so you tried to think about something else to calm yourself down. Minutes passed and you looked at the clock again which read 11:00. At that time you decided to call the other boys to see what was going on. You called all of the boys and none of them were picking up. You tried calling Michael again, and finally he picked up. But when he answered he sounded drunk, “Hello?”, “Hey Michael it’s me (Y/N), is Ashton with you?” You questioned, you could hear background music and shouting that it almost sounded like he was at a club? “Uh yea he is supposed to be in the bathroom right now, listen (Y/N) I have to go now I’ll talk to you later bye” “wait no Michael-” then there was a click on the phone.
What does he mean he was in the bathroom? Was Ashton really at a club with his band mates the first night back home? Did he really not care about seeing you? You tried calling Ashton multiple times but your calls would go straight through his voicemail. You didn’t understand, why was he doing this to you? You didn’t want to give up though, you were non stop calling Ashton until your cell phone died. It was 3:00 in the morning. You were so numb that you didn’t even feel anger at that moment you just wanted him to come back home to see what the hell he was doing out at a club instead of coming home.
It was 4:00 in the morning when you heard the door open. He was here, your heart started beating fast. You got up from the couch and took in his disheveled appearance. He reeked of cigarettes and alcohol. He turned to look at you and his eyes were bloodshot, probably from partying too much. Anger finally started to seep into you.
“Where were you all night?” You asked sounding more angry than you intended to which is good. He looked guilty but he didn’t try to explain himself, he just stood still and silent. He finally let out a sob and he started crying. You stood in shock, why was he crying? You automatically got a pit feeling in your stomach. “Ashton what’s wrong why are you cry-” “I’m so sorry (Y/N), I didn’t mean to I had too much to drink and I got carried away please don’t get angry with me” He chocked out while walking towards you. He grabbed your hand and cupped it in his large ones and rested his forehead onto the both of your guys hands. “Ashton what are you talking about” he kept on crying “I’m so sorry please don’t be mad at me please I Love You-” “Ashton what are you talking about answer me now” you said to him sternly.
“I was at the club with Michael and I just wanted to get a drink because I’ve been so stressed you know because of being away from home, from you and I got too caught up and kept on drinking and-” “Get to the point Ashton” you were running out of patience and him dragging out the story was just getting you even more nervous and anxious. He wiped his eyes and took a deep breath “There was a girl there that looked like you, she asked me to dance with her and so I said yes. She started to dance on me. I wanted to stop but before I knew it, she lead me into the bathroom and she just looked so much like you and with all of the alcohol I had earlier I started to believe that it was actually you and I-”
Your heart stopped. Everything seemed to have gone silent and all you could hear is your heart beat beating hard in your chest. You felt like your blood ran cold and goosebumps erupted throughout your whole body “Stop.” You managed to choke out. “(Y/N) no please I am so sorry I didn’t mean for this to happen please.” You couldn’t say anything else to him. You felt like you were swallowing nails if you were to try and speak again. “Oh god I’m such an idiot, baby please say something?” He plead but you snatched you hand from his grip. “Get out please.” You said in a low whisper. “Wh-what baby what did you say?” “I said get out please.”
You couldn’t even look him in the eye, you just stared at the ground unable to see the look on his face because you knew that if you did look up, would break down in tears. “No baby please we can get through this please I Love You and it was a stupid mistake please just let’s go to sleep okay we can sleep this off and talk about this in the morning and fix things please baby” “No I don’t want to talk about this please just leave” you said to him your voice braking off. He stood in front of you for a bit longer and then finally started walking slowly to the door and he was gone. You were frozen still not really able to even move a finger. You started thinking of everything that happened that night and you began to feel clammy. Your hands were cold but they were sweaty and shaky. Tears started to stream down you face and you couldn’t take it. You finally started to sob and scream. You fell to the floor and just cried. You couldn’t believe what happened. Why did this have to happen to you did he really not Love you enough to do what he did? After for what seemed like hours you got up from the floor and walked to your room. Exhausted you took off your dress and heels and your jewelry.
You noticed the picture of you and Ashton that you had sitting on you vanity. You felt sick to your stomach looking at that picture. You couldn’t take it. You grabbed the frame and threw it against the wall with all of your strength. You let out a loud sob but then grabbed the next thing that reminded you of Ashton and threw that against the wall as well. After throwing other things you felt exhausted, not only physically but mentally. You lay in bed trying to shit out your thought until finally darkness enveloped you and you fell into a deep slumber.

AN: So this is the very first preference of this blog and me and Didi hope you guys enjoy! Feedback is always nice too by the way even if it is constructive criticism we will not get offended we will accept whatever it is and take note of our mistakes!
-A

leave your lover
in the streets of a rainy day
like a paper that just slipped out of your hand.
leave your lover
at the door of the right address
because all she could be was a lost piece of mail.
leave your lover
in a coffee shop downtown on Monday
because that’s where she knew to keep waiting for you.
leave your lover
in a blank space between words of a sentence
so she’ll know that there’s always a next word coming.
leave your lover
curled up in the sheets of your bed
while you puddle in your regret.
leave your lover
for a girl with tattoos and black hair
who will probably yell at your parents and hate you.
leave your lover
in a gutter on the sidewalk
like a plastic bottle of soda you just finished.
leave your lover
so she can cover herself in post stamps
as if maybe the mailman can help bring her home.
leave your lover
with a neat note tucked under her pillow
that doesn’t include the word sorry.
leave your lover
so her body is scraped open and sore
and everyone in the world can see she’s tiny and hurt.
leave your lover
because you will regret doing so
but one day she will have changed addresses.
leave your lover
and go to the lost and found, asking,
“have you seen her? have you seen my ghost please?”
—  "leave your lover" - e.p.h.

I was feeling so depressed a little while ago over romantic relationship issues, so I made this cover. I only used the music box sound my electric piano has and my voice. I tried to give it an Armenian Folk sound..and some Black Soul. Enjoy!

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