But in my dreams you are mine as i am yours and we are two human beings who love each other very much but in my life my heart is yours but yours isn’t mine and we are two human beings who can’t even look at each other’s eyes.
—  I want to sleep all day because in my dreams we are still together // A.A
By the way,

If you ever want to talk to me,
you should call at 3am.  Because
I don’t want to answer your calls,
but you know I can’t live picturing
you out there, somewhere, on a ledge.

we live the same life

i’m sitting with my friend
we talk about our relationships
the ones that could’ve been
i’m tired of the what if’s
knowing that we did them
she tells me she tried
but it always circled
back around to the same ol’ sound

the sound of the hearts’ pound
thinking that this is what it’s about
loving someone so much
it makes you sad
to see another happy
it makes you sad that you can’t
you can’t open that door
to another

instead you’d rather keep trying
with that one who left you whining
whining that he forgot your birthday
and whining that he won’t kiss you
because you wouldn’t give him head

we sit and talk about all these times
reverting back to the trials
the trials that we went through
so many times
but every time we fell…
we fell right back to the floor
the one they always put us on.

they were the ones who picked us back up
they’re the ones who never left
they’re the ones who always tried for us
but they never found us

so we sit here on these chairs
acting like we talk about hair
but in reality all we can think
 - did we really try?


Locklann had looked up in shock the moment his name was spoken in that way. He knew Nissim’s voice all too well and he knew what that tone in his voice meant, despite having no idea where this was going. Something was wrong, he knew that much. When Nissim continued to talk it started to make less sense, rather than more and although he tried to keep a rational mind about this– he must’ve misunderstood– he couldn’t really make himself believe it.

“What?” he asked, voice soft, like he didn’t actually want Nissim to hear it, so he wouldn’t need to hear the answer. “This? This?! You mean–”

He folded his arms to give himself something to do with his hands, squeezing his own biceps as he took another deep breath, deciding on what to say next. He really didn’t want to do this, and especially now his acting had been proven to be effective. He should have been a fucking actor or something. “Yeah.” He quietly answered, looking anywhere but at Locklann. If Nissim was going to unnecessarily hurt him, then at least he had to be able to deal with it. “I’ve told you, didn’t I? I mean… I always leave– all the time. I thought I would be able to stay– with you– but I just think I made that promise too soon, or something, because I’ve not really been feeling like I can truly be myself anymore.”

He was making it worse, Nissim knew, but was it truly a succesful dare if he told Locklann the truth this soon? “I think I should leave again.” He therefore said, knowing full well that this was complete bullshit. He was never going to leave. “I’m sorry.”