This is for all the Macedonian people on tumblr that are celebrating Bozik <3 hehe
’Twas the night before ‘Bozik’ and all through the ‘kukja’, I sensed the smell of ‘posna sarma’ and ‘rakija’ and ‘mastika’.
By the ‘chimnik’ the ‘opinci’ were hung kinda ‘krivo’, in hope that Sveti Nikola would soon bring me some ‘pivo’.
My ‘Tate’ was in his ‘soba’ and he was snoring pretty hard, I guess he was tired from chasing racoons from our ‘ulaf’ neighbor’s backyard.
My Mama was in the basement cooking like a ‘domakinka’, adding just the right amount of Vegeta to her ‘supa’ and ‘piftija’, yummmmm!!).
When out on the lawn there arose such a ‘galama’, my dad yelled from his room “vlezi ulaf od strana”. There was a knocking on the front door with such a loud barrage, I yelled through the window “this is a Macedonian house…..come in through the garage!”.
Standing in the garage right next to my car, was my drunk ‘Vujko Mitko’ coming home from the bar. “Ajde, sedi pravo- pijan si ko drvo,” I told him with might, nobody was going to ruin my chances of seeing ‘Dedo Mraz’ tonight.
About two hours later I heard a noise down the stairs, I jumped from my ‘krevet’ to see who was there. Standing by the tree and eating some leftover ‘graf’, was good ‘ol Dedo Mraz’ reeking of homemade, of course, ‘mastika’ and ‘barf’.
He was all dressed in red and as big as an ox, he wore some brown ‘papuci’ along with black socks. Smelling like a ‘koza’ with a touch of ‘Old Spice’ he’d been drinking for days and wasn’t that nice.
He farted and then said ‘picku mater, mi se jadi lep. Then he muttered something about his ‘zena’, how he wished she were dead. He started putting the presents under the tree with absolute no care, the presents wrapped like shit, with paper wrap recycled from last year.
A package of 6 ‘chorapi’ and ‘gaki’ from Kmart for me, and another pack of 12 for my brother, because he is younger, he is 3.
He yelled “picku mater, imam uste tri”. “Tri” pairs of “gaki da mu dam na tatkoti”. For my ‘mama’ one ‘zelnik’ and a ‘metla’ just as expected, she was so pissed off she said ‘toj ulaf ne ja plaka strujata’ (because he left the light on in the house).
This Macedonian Santa was crooked……….he was nothing like the fable, I should of known it when he swiped my pack of my smokes (lighter, money, whatever was close around him) that I left on the table.
I yelled out “ej, Dedo Mraz”, he turned around like a car, he quickly took off one ‘pandofla’ and threw it at me like a ninja star.
The look in his eyes was nothing but fright, he said “begaj od tuka”, “picku mater, nemam pojke ulaf” and dashed out of sight.
Up through the ‘chimnik’ I heard a loud shreik, Dedo Mraz had just farted like some wild ‘bik’.
He got in his ‘slenka’, specially made for his ‘studen golem gus’, and he yelled at his ‘eleni’, “ime po ime ajde napred po vas”.
"Napred Dragan i Mirko, Predag i Boshko,"
"Ajde Slave i Goce, Kiro i Traijko…"
and then he yelled, “Ajde po brzo oti mi se odi po moch”
and with his red cheeks and big belly yelled……..
"SREKEN BOZIK NA SITE I NA SITE STREJKEN NOJK!!"