I always believed that death is a fate far better than life, for you will be reunited with lost loved ones. But we will never meet again, my friend, for I have a feeling that your God might object to me visiting you in heaven.
About 10 years ago, I was living life day to day like most everyone not thinking about death just working and worrying about food, bills, mortgage— you know, the usual stuff we think about. I was transferring from being a service technician into sales and I started having very vivid dreams; what I now know to be lucid dreams. Well this one particular dream was happening every night for about a week, it seemed as if I was watching a recording over and over. It was the same exact dream every night: the dream was about flying just above the tree tops about 25 mph but I was covering more ground than possible at that speed my arms were spread wide open and I was heading north. I knew I was heading north because after awhile snow started to appear on the ground. When I finally got to my destination I was standing on the shore of a huge lake that seemed to be the beginning of a river, there was snow capped mountains off to my right and the most beautiful scenery I could have ever imagined. I remember talking to someone and them telling me that I was not ready. Then, right after those words were spoken I was rushed back— as if sucked back into my body and I awoke. This happened many times over a 2 week period. I had this urge to be ready for what I did not know. I just knew that I wanted to be ready.
A week or two passed and I was late for work driving south and I decided to take a road off the main highway through the country, one that I had never gone down before but knew that it was a possible shortcut. As I was driving, I felt this wonderful feeling of being alive and noticed all the flowers and trees as I drove; being late was the last thing on my mind. I was staring up at the trees and the sky and this ball of light started flying towards me from very far away and in a flash it entered my body through the car and it felt as if someone had just taken a huge bottle brush and cleaned out my insides, “my soul”, with joy and love. At this time I had never really thought about my soul or anything like that. I was just going about my normal day to day life. Well, when I got to work (on time as it turned out) and I started trying to tell my co-workers what just happened to me, they just looked at me like I was crazy. They wouldn’t even let me finish. After work I decided to hit a church and talk it over with a pastor; they should know what this means right? This is un-freaking believable— I get to the church and asked to speak to the pastor. I tell him what had happened to m and he acted as if I was crazy too, asking me if I had been doing drugs and so forth. Needless to say I was very disappointed. I figured maybe he was the one that was crazy. They speak of all the amazing things God does and how he comes into your heart and so on, but when it actually happens they can’t believe it. What kind of hypocrisy is that? That week I went to 7 other churches of all denominations just to see if any of them felt right to me; not all of them were in such complete disbelief, but still none of them resonated with me. The last one I went to was a church that I had worked at before hooking up their fire alarm and I became close to the pastor during that time because he had a similar past as me. Well, even he didn’t have an explanation for me; they all were saying the same thing “look to God.” Hello, a large ball of light just penetrated my body and cleaned out my soul and you people are telling me to look to God and that’s it? No explanation of how it happened. He did give me a bible and I read a little bit, but that as well left me feeling empty. After such disappointment in the reaction from the churches that claimed to know God, eventually this great feeling about that experience faded away.
As time passed I would have a memory of that moment pass through my mind and feel good and grateful to be alive. This would usually happen as my family and I gathered at the dining room table for dinner. I remember telling them “Can you feel that? The feeling of being alive?” They would just look at me and say, “Oh boy, there he goes again” and would laugh it off and we would continue to eat.
A year went by and one night after leaving our friends house I lay down in my bed and my mind was awakened with the sight of an infinite universe going on forever, repeating itself, and changing just slightly each time. After this happened I knew I had to get to the bottom of it and get some answers, this sense of urgency came over me, so I start watching shows and videos on online about the Universe. At this time it had been two years since we disconnected from cable TV and we only watched certain shows online… Television Programming is just that— “Programming ” and I feel that removing that from my life is what led to what was about to come.
My obsession with finding out how everything works took me into the deeps of this world and I traveled “deep down the rabbit hole” almost to the point of no return. First, it was about space, then it went to quantum physics, next it was Illuminati and how the world is controlled by a small group of people. This outraged me, the discovery that I was a sheep in their game of life, not even knowing the darkness of these people. Next, came all the singers and super stars and how they must be connected to the Illuminati and how most were killed just before coming out to the public about the Illuminati. After that, the rage in my heart could not take any more and I came across David Wilcock, The Pleadians, and the Galactic Federation of Light: Meditation, Chakras, raising your frequency, and a lot of post about “all are one.” This brought my awareness of love to a new level but it was all so confusing and everything seemed to contradict one another. I couldn’t take it anymore; I WANTED TO KNOW THE TRUTH and I didn’t care what it was, I just wanted to know, I had to know the truth.
The date was 12-4-11. My wife was away at her sister’s for the weekend for a baby shower. I had been feverishly searching the web all weekend long trying to find the answers and yet all I got was more contradicting stories from every outlet that I came across. By the end of the weekend I came to believe that if I raised my frequency I would match the frequency of the world I wanted to live in. Well this is somewhat true, but what I had imagined could be far from it. That night I lay down in bed and said to myself, “I’m going to do this, I’m going to open my chakras by raising my frequency”… I was ready.
So I put my head down on my pillow and stilled myself and tried not to think of anything. I focused on the ringing tone in my head (which some people call tinnitus, I now call it “static of the cosmos”) and after 20 minutes of nothing happening I almost gave up, but I thought to try raising the tone and see what happened. I discovered I could do it pretty well as I had been practicing this for about a month. I got to the point where the tone coincided with a vibration I felt coming from my feet working its way up my legs. The tone was very high at this point and to be honest I got a little scared as to what might happen. So, I stopped and promised I would do it again tomorrow when my wife was there to watch me to make sure nothing bad happened.
The date 12-5-11.
I woke up extremely early to find anything about raising this tone I was controlling in my head; I couldn’t find it anywhere, just nonsense declaring tinnitus was the cause of the ringing. After a few hours, I started watching the Pleadians again and really paying close attention to details as to what they were talking about. “Look within; you are everything; we are all connected,” and a whole lot of other things. They even had something in there about spinning in circles 30 times a day to align your chakras. I thought, “OK, if it is going to bring me to the point of truth I’m going to spin in circles 90 times.” During the day I did this and I remember almost getting sick from spinning so much. My wife called and said she was about 4 hours away, so I go back to YouTube to see what else I could come up with to make this happen tonight. I was ready.
She got home around 8:00 that night and we had some quiet time together and I told her my plans for the night. She’s like, “yeah ok, have you been watching YouTube all weekend”? I told her, “yes”, and I put on one of the Pleadian’s movies called Ascension. The sound of the woman’s voice was putting us to sleep and as I was laying there I was trying to make the tone go up and down. At some point the woman’s voice catches my attention and it seemed to be talking directly to me. It was time to go to sleep, so I hopped out of bed and turned off the video. It was around 10:00 at night; I gave my wife a kiss and told her good night. I laid my head down on my pillow and began to listen to the tone in my head, leaving all other thoughts behind. As the tone got higher and higher I began to feel my feet wobble from side to side working its way up my legs; the tone was getting so intense, but I keep repeating to myself— I want to know the truth. I want to know the truth. The wobbling overcame my entire body and I could not believe how loud and piercing the tone had become. I thought about stopping for a second, then I said for the last time, “Give me the truth” and suddenly it felt as if my mind was going to explode. My forehead seemed to open up like a zipper going all the way down my body. An enormous amount of light seemed to be pouring into and out of my forehead going down to my heart. My body jerked one last time as I was shot out of it and I seemed to be in space just above the earth. I could not see the earth, just a blue glow from behind me. I looked off to my left and there was this shimmering energy field of beautiful colors, but mostly turquoise, that was changing shapes like a sheet blowing in the wind. This energy some might call an angel or what would appear to be an angel, but nothing like I had expected. She was speaking to me but without sound or words. “Welcome,” she said,” I am glad you made it here. I have much to share with you.” I had this feeling as if she was telling me to look off to my right and in the distance I could see multiple, probably 7 or so, similar shimmering energy fields and I had this feeling of connection to them as if I knew them, but for some reason I felt as if I was not able to talk to them at this point. They all seemed to be very happy I was there; I got this feeling of them being proud. As I looked back to my left she asked me if I was ready. I said yes of course and our two energy fields became one and we shot of into the stars.
It didn’t take very long and I remembered after passing through the light it became very dark. I felt as if I was in school with her, floating in front of a visual galaxy blackboard of our solar system that she was swiping information across for me to take in. I was being shown about numbers and how they build everything we see. They connect everything and how shapes are related in the geometry of life. There was a lot more to this lesson, but I don’t really remember all of it. I was being a little pushy, and said I already knew about this stuff from all the research I had been doing.
Then, she asked me if I would like to see more and my response was “oh yeah!” It was very exciting to me and all my worries and doubts about this world were gone and I was immersed into this new one; I was feeling great. I did not realize it yet but my ego was about to be crushed smithereens. This time it seemed as if we were headed directly to the center of the galaxy and when we stopped I could not believe what I was seeing: THIS PART HAS BEEN BLOCKED IN MY MIND but the feeling of shock and disbelief vibrated through me. We went back to the galaxy blackboard after I settled down and this time class was geometry. I felt like I was in first grade again but the displays were a 1000 times better looking. First, there was a sphere and it was spinning and had waves of light in it. Next, there was a triangle with a solid red border and a pattern swirling down into the center. Then, she took two opposing pyramidal tetrahedrons and put them together creating a Merkaba. I had seen this before but this time I listened focused. The tetrahedrons were spinning and creating a huge sphere creating a vortex. (I later discovered this is known as a toroidal field.) I got the feeling she was telling me that’s who I am and that is how we are all here, because of these shapes but I couldn’t put it all together yet. “Ready for more?” she says. I said I want to see it all as I smiled.
This time we shoot off and after a little while the lights fade away and it is completely dark. We get to a point where there was no light in any direction. I remember feeling completely alone; the feeling that my spirit had left me out here to die. This was the worst feeling I had ever experienced. There was nothing: no thought, no light, no time and no memories,—Blank void— just imagine nothing… yeah, it’s a lot worse than that. There is no telling how long that lasted but at some point I thought to myself “am I dead?” The very next thought was, no… I cannot be dead because I just had a thought and asked myself a question. Then off in the distance I saw this little spec of light like a dot and as it got closer I could see it was a tetrahedron spinning and rotating in the center in all directions. As it spun I noticed my thoughts were controlling the speed of the rotation. I still truly believed I was dead, but I knew I did not want to be. I started screaming….. “I don’t want to be dead,” but there was no sound. But, then I noticed the tetrahedrons started to bounce. I screamed louder and louder and waves appeared as the tetrahedron started bouncing faster and harder; the waves grew larger and larger flowing from the center and flowing out in all directions creating sound. On these waves were cubes like snap shots in time of my existence up to that point. As I started to remember where I came from I could see the fractals in a spiral motion begin to manifest, but these were not just what I was thinking at the time these were all possible existences from any choice I could have made from that point in time. From there I could see color starting to form with a mixture of blacks and whites and as each experience was made the more shades of each color began to emerge from the fractals.
At this point I am joined with my soul and we begin to have a very long and intense discussion. “Now do you understand?” she asks me. I was confused but realized at the same time what was happening. She told me that I had to experience death to understand life. After going through all of this she asks me, “Do you want to be a part of the light or a part of the nothingness?” I screamed as loud as I could, “I want to be a part of the light” and at that very moment all my possibilities of this life exploded out from the singularity that I had just created. I was reborn. We head towards the light coming from my singularity. Some more information was given to me, but I cannot remember it at this time.
We were now traveling from my new found singularity back to this universe’s singularity. I thought to myself “there can’t be an end if there is no beginning; our spirit never truly dies.” I felt connected to everything in the universe. If this is the case, does this mean we are In a Never Ending Story of evolution and de-evolution choosing whatever reality we wish? In this Universe I believe this is true; we reincarnate here until we are ready for the next step of evolution, to the multi-verse. I remember being in the singularity of this universe and being asked if I would like to finish here and continue on to the next evolutionary step. I was given a choice to take this knowledge and move on to the next step in evolution or go back. Without hesitation, I said take me back if there is no death and we decide what we want to do I want to go back and finish my life in this reality that has already been started. I could only think of my wife, my children, my family, and friends. And I wanted to finish it and live out my reality that I was living but with this new knowledge. My answer: I would like to finish this life/this reality and bring as many spirits/souls to evolve with me to the next level in this endless cycle. This is when I was shot back up into the spiraling fractals to the singularity of our galaxy; at this point I was given more information and asked if there was anything I wish to change. I asked, “Can I change anything?” She answered, “yes.” I was still in disbelief, so I said I want to be a rock star— at that moment the life as a rock star flew before my eyes in a split second and I was not very happy with the outcome. It was exciting, but ended very badly, so I said scratch that idea. She asked, “Would you like to change anything about yourself?” I said “Sure, I want to be the physical size my wife is attracted to the most” and she said “done.” There were a few more things, but I will keep those to myself. I just wanted to go back and experience the rest of my life and be there for my wife and our kids. I told her I was going to inform the other spirits/souls and I remember her telling me not to preach it to them, just give them information when they asked for it or make it available for them when they are ready to receive it. I must have forgotten about that one for a while.
Off we went back into the next singularity of the solar system “The sun.” where she told me that I would become my wife and my wife would become me. I started screaming “Noooooo…” as we fell back to earth’s singularity. I remember there was a lot of laughing between us and she told me not to worry, it wasn’t how I imagined it; I would inherit all of my wife’s good traits and she would inherit mine. We would share them between each other as one. There was a lot of laughing. Now we were at earth’s singularity, that is when I experienced an enormous feeling of euphoria, joy, and love that surrounds us all. I felt connected to everything on the planet. Let me tell you here, at each singularity of the toroidal field you’re in, you are connected to everything in that toroidal field.
Before I knew it, I was back in my physical body as the tone started to get lower and the wobble in my body slowed and stopped soon after. I awoke with such energy and excitement; my heart was racing at a very high rate. My wife was lying there next to me and I told her what had just happened, she was in disbelief because not even five minutes had passed. She became very concerned because of how fast my heart was beating. I told her not to worry because I was in control and could slow it down. That is when I took a few deep breaths and lowered my heart rate and as I was doing this everything that had just happened to me was playing over in my head and it was just too much information for my brain to believe. I ended up passing out and it felt exactly like when I thought I was dead out in the black void. There I was, back with my soul/spirit and I was told that I would have to forget some of the information that was given to me because my mind was not accepting it, but not to worry because as time passed I would remember. So I tried to forget just enough to stay alive, but I wanted to remember the most important things. This went on all night— passing out and waking up as I tried to fall back sleep. My mind was in overdrive with all of the new found information and trying to figure out how to best process it. I had to forget a lot, but every week or two, I would remember a little more.
It has been a little over a year and I now remember most of what happened that night. That is why I started this blog :) It has been one week since I started this blog and I have gained more memories of what happened that night in this one week than all of the memories of the entire year.
We are here to learn love, take care of one another, and to forgive all those that have made us so miserable. They are just playing their part so we can evolve. Once we have evolved here we move on to next level of evolution, but I believe this time we keep the knowledge of this universe as we move on to the next.
Make someone feel special each day and spread the love. Love is our contribution in the next step of our existence. I love you and we are all connected. :)
Materials/Process: Images of lips from fashion magazines are cut using an assortment of heart-shaped craft punches and assembled with pins on a foam panel. Dimensions: 48 x 48 inches Date: 2008 (private collection)