It starts out simple enough. You start a blog, choose some other blogs to follow, reblog a few posts.

At first you’re just using Tumblr from your phone, in those spare moments of the day when you have nothing to do. Gradually you start using it more and more. You’re following 710 blogs and feel like you owe it to them to see each and every one of their posts. Next thing you know you’ve set aside a time of the day as your “Tumblr Time” and you shout at your loved ones “DON’T BOTHER ME RIGHT NOW I’M CATCHING UP ON MY DASHBOARD!”

You’ve now graduated from using Tumblr only on your phone to buying a brand new laptop which you refer to as your Tumblr Machine. Now you’ve set aside a time of day as your “Not Tumblr Time” and every other moment of the day is spent endlessly scrolling.

One day you wake up and you tell your wife and kids you’re leaving them by showing them this


You’re living in a motel, chosen solely because of its offering of free wifi. You rarely wear pants anymore and you no longer know how to can. Your diet consists of Nutella licked off of strips of bacon. 

It is at this point that you realize, one does not simply work Tumblr. 

Tumblr works u.