1) Don’t try to give them advice. I know this is coming from an owl who gives depressed people advice! But I only do that for people who have asked for it. Unless they specifically say to you, “What do you think about all this?” or “What do you think I should do?” then advice is not really what they’re looking for, and you don’t need to feel like you have to come up with any.

2) Don’t try to guess what they’re feeling, or why they feel that way. The best case scenario is that you are right, but they didn’t figure it out for themselves, so it probably won’t sink in! The worst case scenario is that you are wrong, and you have inadvertently shut them out of the conversation. Either way, you haven’t really helped. Of course, if they ask for your insight, that’s a different story!

3) Ask questions! And then be quiet until they are done talking. Give them just a little bit longer to go on than you would in an ordinary conversation. There is a good chance that they have things they need to say, but are reluctant to talk about. Maybe you feel awkward during silences, but they need those silences to work up the courage to keep talking.

4) Maybe you know something about their condition. Maybe you even share it! But you are not talking about their condition (unless for some reason you are); you are talking about their feelings, and their experiences. Empathy is very powerful, but don’t let the conversation become about you or what you know.

5) They might try to deflect the conversation by bringing your feelings into it: “Sorry for bringing you down,” “I don’t want to make you worry, I’m fine,” “This must be really boring, let’s talk about something else,” that sort of thing. They are probably not doing that because they really want to change the subject, but because opening up is hard, and maybe they feel like they don’t deserve to. Gently reassure them that you are fine, their problems are not boring, and that you want to help and you are still listening. If you do that, and they still try to deflect, you can just ask them, “Do you really want to change the subject? It’s okay, we don’t have to keep talking about this if you don’t want to.” But make sure it’s clear that that choice is about their feelings, not yours.

6) Things that are obvious to you are not obvious to them. You know that they are fun to be around! You know that it’s okay for them to make mistakes! You know that having a bad day doesn’t make them a bad person! But they don’t know that. These are good things to point out.

7) You are going to have to repeat yourself a lot. This is because their thoughts are repeating themselves a lot! Depression is at least partly fueled by self-destructive thought patterns, which means they are falling into the same thought-traps over and over again. Please try not to get frustrated. They are not doing it on purpose.

8) It is important to establish boundaries. Being around depressed people can be very draining. And if you make yourself constantly available to them, there is a good chance that they will start to rely on your support in an unhealthy way! That is not good for you, them, or your relationship. It is okay to say, “I love you! I wish you weren’t feeling this way! But I can’t really deal with this right now. Please do something nice for yourself, okay? I will talk to you tomorrow!” They might be a little hurt to be turned away at first, but ultimately it is for the best.

9) Understand that you do not have the power to break them out of their destructive thought patterns. Only they can do that. They will have a hard time internalizing what you say, and they probably won’t take your advice (assuming you even gave them any). And that’s okay. You are just trying to support them! They can do anything they want with that support.

10) Please don’t be disheartened by what looks to you like a lack of progress. I know it can be hard not to feel like you aren’t making any difference. But your kindness and patience are so powerful. People struggling with depression know how hard they sometimes are to be around. The fact that you are trying at all means more than you think.

(click here for the amazing blog and source)

anonymous said:

Do you have any special peeps in your life? :D

Oh goodness yes anon friendo Seventeen!! There are so many people whom I’m extremely glad the universe put me in contact with! I’ve been blessed with many amazingly perfect wonderful friends, a couple of awesome mentors, and someone who was a lovely significant other! I love all of them so much; they are all extremely dear and special to me and I’d like to thank them for their companionship. <3

the thing that’s truly mind bloggling to me about the whole Blue Ivy hair thing 

you got people coming way out of pocket on something that really isn’t that serious to begin with, because its not anybody’s business

looking a hot ass mess they damn selves

outchere walking around 

with no edges

pony tails pulled back so hard one false move and its all probably falling out

braids so tight we could probably shoot the movie labyrinth 2 on top of your head 

weave and wigs turnt waaayy off center 

some aint seen the light of weave grease and a brush in a hot minute 

but you have the nerve to tell one of the richest women in entertainment what to do with her child’s hair 

you can’t get your shit together but magically you have the answers?

get the entire fuck outta here! 

that doesn’t even make good nonsense 

crescendollz said:

35, 36 & 37? :^)

Thank you for sending an ask friendo! <3<3 Much obliged!

  • 35.If you could move somewhere else, would you?

Downtown Vancouver; it’s a lovely bustling city with so much to do, while still having plenty of plants, trees, grass, and open public spaces. It’s beautiful and pretty nice weather-wise too!

  • 36.Who was the last person you took a picture of?

… Does my cat count? No? Then probably my friend Megan!

  • 37.Can you live a day without TV?

I have not sat down to honestly watch TV for the longest time. I could live my whole life without TV.

TRE BRA DAGAR I SAN DIEGO

Hej alla bloggläsare!

De senaste dagarna har bestått av strandhäng, outlet-shopping vid mexikanska gränsen, en tripp till IKEA och orientation på skolan. Kurserna drar inte igång förrän 25 augusti så vi tänkte använda tiden till att hitta en bättre lägenhet och ta amerikanskt körkort!

Ikväll tar vi det lugnt med några avsnitt Californication (vårt favoritprogram) och varsin Ben & Jerry’s (2 för $5!!). Imorgon blir det utgång i Downtown och vi är taggade som bara den!

Jag har inte så mycket mer att säga för tillfället så ni får hålla till godo med några fina bilder:) Först ut är bilder från skolan:

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Kom på att vi inte visat vår fina bil än (som alla i min familj lite smått tror är stulen). Här är den iaf!

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Den obligatoriska “vi har köpt en ny bil”-posen!

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Klarre shoppar loss på IKEA!

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USA:s motsvarighet till svenska kanelbullar..

Hoppas allt är bra med er därhemma!

puss & kram

/Ida

Warning for content

I know Tumblr is a happy place for a lot of you so I usually restrict myself to Twitter for upsetting stuff but a lot of the stuff on my dash here about Ferguson is important and not always showing up in my Twitter feed and I really want to pass some of it along.

I promise when I do blog or reblog about potentially upsetting things I’ll be sure to tag it so you can blacklist it. If I reblog anything about Ferguson I’ll tag it #Ferguson.

10thingsihateaboutpete said:

[text] it's a song it was in the karate kid i think? [text] Yeah? Three tiers of amazing? Couldn't spring for four? I'm just kidding. If you made it then it was probably completely mind bloggling [text] and listen here I am /fantastic/ with my hands I just haven't gotten to show you yet.

[text] Never seen it :/

[text] Oh hush, Mr. “I put mustard in my Mac and Cheese.” It was pretty great. Had all these fondant animals hanging out on it. It was ski trip themed.

[text] Oh I’m sure. :P Just remember, I constantly work with me hands, Peter Rabbit.

Hej mina kära trogna bloggläsare om
ni läste min blogg för cirkus två månader sen kan ni ha läst om en konversation med jojjo. Då berättade jojjo och jag citerar “jag längtar till jag flyttar hemifrån och bara kan spika upp en hylla på väggen”.

Och nu kära vänner har det hänt! Jojjo har fixat upp en hylla. Hon kanske inte spika upp den och man kanske inte egentligen kan kalla det en hylla utan snarare en papperspåse. Men faktum kvarstår att hon gjorde det. Har aldrig varit så stolt.

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