Bleach characters, you just learned that Soi Fon has been the big bad of Bleach this whole time! Your reactions?
As requested by anon. :)
In my “big bad" series, we imagine that Bleach’s main villain isn’t Yhwach or Aizen or the Soul King or anyone you’d expect. No, it’s someone totally random and unexpected. This time, we’re going to pretend that Bleach’s secret big bad is Soi Fon, and everybody just found out. How will they react?
Kiyone: Oh. Wow. Soi Fon, a villain? The shock is overpowering.
Kiyone: So overpowering it feels like a tiny ninja shoe trying to crush my windpipe.
Kiyone: Where have I felt that before?
Kiyone: Oh yeah. When Soi Fon TRIED TO CRUSH MY THROAT
Kiyone: SHE WASN’T EVEN PRETENDING TO BE GOOD, PEOPLE
Rukia: She *was* one of the few people who really seemed to want me executed, you know?
Rukia: Like when I got rescued, most people seemed secretly relieved. But not Soi Fon. She seemed pretty…angry.
Gin: Well it’s hard when you’re all excited to see someone killed and then the person gets rescued.
Gin: It’s just like going to a concert and finding out it’s been canceled because of rain.
Rukia: IT’S NOT EXACTLY LIKE THAT
Yoruichi: Soi Fon…is the big bad?
Yoruichi: Is this because of how I left her? Did that make her decide to destroy everyone?
Yoruichi: Am I the tragic villain backstory?
Hachigen: You know, I thought it was weird that she wanted to lock one of her allies in a box.
Urahara: She did also stalk me once in an attempt to get me fired.
Unohana: Her zanpakuto power only works for straight-up killing. It does not mess around.
Ukitake: I-I guess we all should have seen this coming!
Ggio: Whoa, she’s a villain? That’s so cool!
Ggio: I mean…
Ggio: Whatever. It’s not like I’m even a little mad that she didn’t ask me to be her evil sidekick.
Omaeda: Now that the captain is openly evil, she’s gonna stop holding back on the death and destruction, huh?
Omaeda: I think I should maybe take a very long vacation. Very far away.
Ichigo: Everybody relax! I got this!
Ichigo: I mean, sure her power is a two-touch kill, and sure I normally get stabbed way more than often than that when I first start fighting!
Ichigo: And sure she has some sort of unique shunko power that’s kido based, and sure I don’t know how to use any kido myself.
Ichigo: And sure she’s really really fast, which is usually one of my major advantages.
Ichigo: And yes. Her bankai is a giant rocket launcher. And sure. I’ve never fought someone’s bankai without getting hit by it a couple of times.
Ichigo: But I’m sure I…can…handle…this….
Ichigo: Maybe Yoruichi can help me with this one.